New to the Forum...

Hi, I've just joined here because I think I may possibly have AvPD. I'm a male, now almost 32, and have had depression since about 15. Didn't get treated until I was 21, was on medication for 8 years, and in psycho-therapy for 3. Recently however I stumbled across an article on AvPD and the things I read really hit home.

I have no friends and for a long time have avoided making them out of the belief that people end up hurting you and leave in the end. Childhood wasn't a happy one. Parents were way too over-protective and would often do what they could to prevent me from having friends. I was beaten for the most trivial of things -- such as not feeling hungry. We moved often when I was growing up too and I found that more and more difficult as time went on. Eventually I didn't even try to make friends as it became too un-nerving and in some respects futile. After leaving school I still moved a lot from college to college; it was a very confusing time, I wanted friends but moved in order not to have them because I didn't feel I was worthy of them.

Now in my thirties and not much further along in understanding this condition. I still find myself alone, still yearn for company, and yet still feel unworthy of it. Praise and compliments make me nervous and I will often play down my good points. At times I can be quite extrovert when the situation demands it but I find it draining and as soon as someone gets too close I will withdraw and keep them at a distance, due to, I believe, fear of being judged and rejected and generally feeling unworthy. Any social contact I do have has to be very carefully considered; I often find myself over-deliberating the things I do and say. And feel over-sensitive when other people's reations don't match what I hope for. All of this makes working in a full time job very difficult as I often have to adopt a different personality in front of others.

Over the years I have learnt to rationalise situations more -- cognitive behavoural therapy helped -- but still find it very difficult and debilitating at times.

Recently I have started to feel very depressed again but I am starting to think that it is more than just depression, that the depression is merely a symptom of something more -- possibly AvPD. I realise the dangers of self-diagnosis so was considering seeing my GP in view of seeking a more professional opinion. But what I have read on AvPD has made a lot of sense so far.

You sound a lot like me, just a little older though. I too always thought that deppression was my main problem. But after accidently finding out about AvPD through this sight, i think the depression is just a sympton of my AvPD.

Hi.

Me, too....I found my description, when I read about AvPD.
And my depression may well be an outgrowth of it.

Offbeatgrl53pf

Well it's good to know there are other people who feel the same at least! Sometimes you never know and just feel like the only one and having difficulty talking to people doesn't help!