35 years old. asked a fgirl out for first time. got stood up

she didn't have the ability to apologize because i gave of negative "leave me alone" vibes when i didn't acknowledge her presence. i wouldn't have wanted to respond to a groucho negative vibo if i was her either. Its really stupid of my to respond like that based on a delusional, paranoid assumption that i got stood up... and if i did get stood up - serves myself right for being a poor communicator.

even when i later apologized for being a poor communicator to her and gave her the big "about the coffee - its fine, i didnt ghive you my number yada yada" i didn't give her a second to respond either... not a second

its all my fault

I spent 3 hours in the morning/afternoon on the phone with the S.A.D girl (I did find out the girl has BPD though. So I don't know how much credit I can really take. But the fact that I actually got out of my comfort zone, even if it was with a girl with BPD, that is a big feat in of itself. Plus she's on meds and taking DBT so I'd imagine she's not full-blown borderline. Besides I was the aggressor. Though her BPD probably makes her way more accepting of my aggressiveness than the average woman). 3 hours on the phone. Real-time conversation! Complete with loads of laughs, stories being told and sexually-charged flirting. And some lovey dovey stuff. And she joked, "and you said you were shy on the phone!"

I feel like a changed man. I told her that I'm usually shy in-person and not that outgoing but usually even more shy on the phone. She said, "even if you were shy in-person, not to worry. You don't have to be shy with me. Not when I kiss you."

She also told me that when she's comfortable with sleeping with me, we're going to ###$ like rabbits and she talked about all sorts of tools and talents she has and about what she wants to do with me (###$ yeah! Where have you been all my life?!). I started out as the aggressor. Now she's reciprocating like craaaaazzzzyy.

###$ if I die a heart attack after this, I'll die a happy man.

Maybe this will be an inspiration for you burgers. I haven't seen a woman naked in over 7 and a half years. If this one doesn't work, find yourself a BPD girl. (no offense to BPDs on here).

hhaha yeah when i refering to those dreams i had the dream of the girlk rejecting me and i was deeply depressed as soon as i opened my eyes.. when i went back to sleep i had a positive dream of a girl and she tells me that she has split personailities and i go "great! wanna have a coffee?"


But as for this real life stuff with the girl - i've been thinking about it..


she had opportunities to apologize for not showing.. especially when i gave her my big spiel - if she had the time to say "don't worry about me" when i apologized for not giving her acknowledgement on that friday (which seems telling but i cant make assumptions) then she would have had the chance to but in a say why she couldn't make it.

she's got a voice and she could have used it. if she was keen she would have.. i think she pretty much just 'stood me up' initially, gave me signals that it was over and let me blame myself for it, otherwise she would have said something in her defense. She had the choice not to say anything. She hardly attends the gym.. i just got a whole heap of mixed signals and i dont know much about reading signals except the language of clowns (the married and attached flirts that single girls never perform)

If i see her again i'll say hi if i have too but if i can avoid it i wont be saying anything. this morning i had a dream i couldn't find the gym and was running around missing out on this friday... as in 2 hours time. this is the last time i'll do the day classes.