Are we being Fake?

Some girls that I do not know dislike me, they say that I am a fake person that pretends to be very innocent and all good in order to attract guys. ... Is that what people think about me?

To be honest, I was a little bothered by that... not because strangers think that I am like that but because I wonder if people I do care about think the same way. What exactly is being innocent or all good? I do not do drugs, or drink alcohol or even had a boyfriend, or ever had a date, I do not say bad words or listen to gossip or talk about people or get involved with anyone, I do all my work at school and I am very respectful, I don't even have close relationships with anyone at school... I have never once said that I was innocent, people are the ones that assume I am. I am shy and because of that I talk in a sweet voice and smile a lot politely in order to avoid being rude, I can't help it and... I do not act the way I do in order to attract guys, they just decide to ask me out or hang around me in their own free will because they find my shyness cute... It doesn't really make sense to have lots of guys after you and not going out with any of them, the fact that they like me cause me anxiety and makes my life more complicated and it makes me feel guilty, my friend says told me that guys confuse my being shy with me liking them... Its not that I am shy around guys because I like them, I am shy around pretty much everyone. The other day even the teacher asked me if I really talk the way I do, as if saying that is lame that I speak with a 5 year old voice...

I honestly do not know what to think, and here is my question... Are we being Fake? As Avoidants we prevent people from knowing our true self because of the fear of being rejected, is not showing my true self being a fake person?

My true self is only more sincere, I know my desires, I have a criteria, I have more opinion and voice, I know who I don't like and why I don't, of course I won't always have the best thoughts but am I harming people by having a free mind? I don't think I am being fake, its a human thing to not want to get in trouble with anyone or cause controversy, its my nature to protect my thoughts and feelings by keeping them to myself.

Fake?... I am trying to be prudent here, to live a life with less anxiety, I life I can keep up with and if people like my peaceful form of being and decide to be with me then that its their decision.

Do you guys feel like you are being Fake?

They prob just jealous of you because you dont do the typical look at me im a slut routine to garner male attention. Also its not very cool of u not to use drugs, curse, gossip, or f*ck anything w/ a pulse. The cool kids do these things, dont u want to be in the cool kid club?!?!

In order to truly fit in i would think u would have to fake it to some extent. Personally im not willing to do that. Ill die a pathetic loser, but atleast i can say i wasnt acting thats who i really was

Especially late I've been feeling like maybe I am fake to people. By all means I have good intentions and would never hurt someone for any reason, but at the same time I'm nice to people 100% of the time and quite a bit, more lately, I've forced it. Not to say I don't want to be nice to people, but often lately I haven't really felt like being nice to someone if they rub me the wrong way but I just force it so basically being fake.

But I wouldn't say that being nice is fake in the way to prevent people from knowing our true self, I think of it as more of a protective shell. It's not in any way deceitful but simply very protective, but I don't see it as being a fake person I don't think.

There is genreally only a few reasons why women dont like other women.

The first one is they're just crazy nutjobs, second is they aren't as pretty as the person they hate and third is they dont get as much attention from men.

You probably fall into the second and third categories judging by your post. They are most likely just jealous that you get attention from guys without even trying whilst the same guys ignore them. It's just a subconcious human reaction and they dont know how to deal with the lack of attention.

tlepS drawkcaB wrote:There is genreally only a few reasons why women dont like other women.

The first one is they're just crazy nutjobs, second is they aren't as pretty as the person they hate and third is they dont get as much attention from men.

You probably fall into the second and third categories judging by your post. They are most likely just jealous that you get attention from guys without even trying whilst the same guys ignore them. It's just a subconcious human reaction and they dont know how to deal with the lack of attention.

I agree with this. At the other end of the spectrum from avoidants are those who require constant validation, and the world is chock full of them, who if they don't get it will I think die.
So I wouldn't take it personally.

It's possible that you aren't sufficiently in tune with your "shadow self" (as Jung called it). Kantor suggests this as a possible contributing factor for AvPD for some. It's also possible that you get a narcissistic charge out of being "gooder" than the others. But it's also possible that the others are just idiots. Only can decide which interpretation is correct.

We are all fake to the degree that our personality disorders shape your behavior.

The questions isn't so much what we do or say, but what we would really *like* to do or say.
Avoidants have fears and anxieties that dictate their behavior, so it is not so much the true self within that people see, so much as the disorder through which the true self is filtered.

We're not deliberately being fake, and some aren't even being fake consciously. But we are obviously not what we would really like to be.

Then again, everybody has fears and anxieties to a certain degree, so most people are also 'fake' to a degree. They pretend they are better on the surface than they really are. Take sluts that are jealous of "innocent" shy girls, for instance. If they are really sluts then guys would know they are unreliable in relationships, so they have to pretend they aren't really sluts.
If they are not really sluts, then they are being fake by acting like sluts just to get boys more easily by showing them they are easy. Either way they are fake.

We are fake when we date because we don't want out dates to know all the less attractive sides of ourselves just yet. We are fake when we apply for jobs. We are fake when we pretend to like going to family gatherings and enjoying ourselves when we really don't.

The difference is that people with personality disorders have good reasons to be fake. Which is more than you can say for the stupid girls that are jealous because some guys actually like nice, shy, innocent girls instead of annoying, extroverted, loud-mouthed, easy girls.

I think a lot of people are putting up false fronts, going through the motions, doing what they're "supposed" to be doing, but don't realize that they're actually being fake. Because of that they don't recognize genuine people when they see them. Or they do see it, and they need to cut you down because they are intimidated by it.

Another thought - they could be calling you fake because it's hitting a nerve and they're getting a reaction from you.

One of the big problems for us avies is that we come across as being hyper-critical of others. When first working on this, I had to be very careful of how I worded criticism of others. For example I might get asked "What do you think of this new guy so-and-so?" In my non-self-aware days I might have answered "Man, he is the laziest SOB I've ever seen". Once self-aware my answer might change to the phonier "He's good overall, but does seem a bit distracted from time to time". Felt very phony at first, and like I was always scrambling how to word these things. With time, however, the more balanced appraisals of others have become more natural, such that it rarely even feels "fake" any more, just that I am being more "balanced" and "deeper" now. A success story for "fake it till you make it". I think most avies probably will have to go through a "phoniness" phase on the way to "getting there".

Some girls that I don't know have disliked me to. It seems that it's enough that you get more attention from guys than they do, for some girls to start disliking you. That's their problem though. If you don't lie and try to mislead people, than you're not fake. You don't sound fake at all judging from you're post, so maybe these girls are the problem and not you?
Just be the way that you're comfortable being, whatever that might be. If someone doesn't like it, to bad for them. People will always have opinions of you, and there will always be people who accuse you of being too much of this or that, that's one of the reasons I'm avoidant