Avoiding Responsiblity

Oh gosh do I do this so much! Ahhkk! I hate hate hate doing things like going anyplace new especially by myself. I was having a nervous fit in my head about going to open a bank account today. I don't like dealing with people. And the people were so smilie and talkative and I wasn't..and I was like urgg. My mind tends to go blank in front of new people. Anyway, I did it so yay! Then I needed to mail a letter,but I didn't because I didn't want to walk to the place where I'd never been before. I also needed to make sure about if I signed this money order correctly, but I didn't want to bother the school so I just tried my best to figure it out on my own since I didn't want to ask them.

I tend to do this ALL the time. I don't want to ask questions- I'd rather just try figuring it out by myself. I get really anxious when asking for things or when dealing with something new. And then later I feel stupid about it.

Maybe I should work on my confidence in front of other people? I do feel confident when I'm by myself and when I'm out and about I'm like oohh I am awesome, but then time to talk to someone and suddenly I'm shy and can't even display my inner coolness. it's aggravating.

I could have written that word for word ... I do the exact same things, if I get up the courage to do them at all. I'm really awful at talking to people (my mind also goes blank, and all I can manage is to laugh or give very short answers) and so all of the time I'll bring someone along to do the talking for me. Of course, it's not giving the exposure I need to these situations to become comfortable with them, but I usually tell myself I'm not "up" for social interaction that day and I'll get better some other day. Cue the avoidant cycle.

Anyway, I haven't been able to build up my self-confidence or self-esteem. I imagine that these things will build up naturally the more I expose myself to social situations and realize that they're not as bad as I make them to be in my mind, but it's making the first move to put myself out there that I'm having issues with. But hopefully you're braver than I am.

I actually have great self-esteem. Maybe too great. It's why I don't feel like I 'fit' with avoidant

I usually don't have someone else to speak up for me, so I just do it, but I usually end up saying really short answers or don't even act as friendly or as energetic or as smart as I really know I am. I should be able to OWN that grocery store as soon as I walk in like the inner diva I feel I am. (yeah and I also realize at the same time, I'm not a diva, but sometimes I think I think a little delusionally). But instead I get all shy and nervous >-<.

I'm thinking maybe going out more and pushing myself could work. Like you're saying.

JPKAS, maybe we should swap a little social ability/self esteem! lol

i used to wish i could go somewhere new every day. if i never have to go back anywhere again, im great. im great at acting friendly energetic and smart when i have to - i can be convincing, underneath it i dont always feel that way. don't ask me how i do feel, that varies a lot. its only when i have to genuinely try to let people in that i fall apart and hardly say anything, but there's plenty of other things that make me feel anxious. i know how to respond socially, i just dont know how to respond socially at the same time as being myself. i guess thats what my social anxiety is about. my self esteem is somewhere between lowish and ordinary, it varies from thing to thing. like most things there are some things i like about myself and others i dont, but i dont have much self esteem when it comes to myself-others - i often feel like im not really likeable, just bad history again (family where i wasn't accepted for me.) im working on improving that. but i do a great impression for the bank manager, and i dont find that hard to do.

doesn't stop me "avoiding". but when i dont get on with my life the reasons are closer to avoidant than anything else, though its just the avoiding, and the possible self-esteem problem, and its really not me, there is a part of me that gets shy/anxious but that is just one part of me, and avoiding for me is a mix of all those things and being a version of me that's been trodden on. im not exactly timid even when i feel anxious. me as a person, my natural is just to go out there and do it, as soon as i think of it, more impulsively than that, but life, bad desicions, triggered anxiety reactions, and constantly being put down by an overcritical mother have worn that down. basically most of it is being depressed/hiding because of life. there is a part of me that doesn't really want to live, and i feel like i have to "get myself back". that's all part of therapy - and life.

but yes, i relate to the "avoiding" thing.

Hhah you can have some of my self esteem xD! I've got enough. I feel like it is flowing over. Or maybe i'm fooling myself .

I won't ask you what you feel because I know it's hard to explain :C. I just wish I could get away . I was going to move wayyyyy up North, but money didn't work out. i might still end up doing it, but I'm sorta afraid of being all cut off, even if I want it. I can barely handle things here wtih people to help me. Urg. : S.

I feel like other people won't like me, even though I think I'm very likeable..so it's like I think they are unlikeable, not me. Maybe I'm turning my own feelings onto them. Or something..I dunno.

I am nice enough in social situations. Just brain blank and feel really nervous like I'm going to fall to pieces right there. It's worse when I get depressed.

I think I let people step on me because I don't like conflict. I don't know how to deal with it. so I avoid it.

I feel like I want to be out there and shine like I know I can or hide away and keep all my light to myself. Very conflicted.