Just had worst night out

Adna,

'Just read your post. I would have written back sooner, but my bf is pressuring me to spend my computer time learning about my job, instead of taking care of my personal (social/emotional) needs.

I just Love you for answering....I feel so rejected when I think I'm being ignored.
And, like Forever Flamed, I feel like a "Thread Closer", too!
(Am I Really so boring, or offputting??)

Adna and Everybody,

Can anyone here relate to having to face the work world (full of People) every day, while wrapped in Avoidant Personality Disorder?
And if so, how do you cope?
Can you please share your experiences?

And How did you Ever learn to Fake it convincingly? (I want/Need to be more Convincing - especially with the kind of work I do, and the fact that my place of work is SO populated, besides the fact that my brain has not been able to keep up with my duties there - I'm So worried about getting fired, Let Alone being socially rejected, lonely, and friendless!)


Thanx for Listening,

offbeatgrl53pf

I want a family and a semi-normal happy life, too. And we deserve it as much as others, it just may be a little harder to find it. Before I knew what was wrong with me, I always rejected boyfriends before they had a chance to reject me - I'm sure this was puzzling behavior they didn't understand. It's hard to open up and cultivate intimate relationships when you have an enormous sense of insecurity, but when you find the right person a lot of this will melt away. Avoidants CAN have great relationships with people they feel "safe" with - it's just a matter of finding those people. I have found that introverts can relate pretty well to what avoidants experience, if in a less intense way. I have managed to have one amazing relationship in my life. It took me a long time to find this person and even though it ended, it reminded me that it IS possible and I have faith that it can happen again.

Adna, I just found this forum this week, and I have enjoyed reading many of your posts. They seem to speak from a perspecitve so similar to mine, that I am amazed. Just wanted to thank you for sharing your perspective.

Your talking about having faith that friendship and love can happen is important. And I think is important to continue to struggle, even when difficult to take action to achieve that. For myself and it seems others, is so difficult to get out and interact with people, but I really see it as the only hope. Is very rare that friendships just show up at your door. I have been lucky enough to have that happen at times, but long term I think lifestyle changes that embrace action are important. I struggle every day, every hour, and close to ever minute with my AvPD thoughts, and recently made the decision to get back to a doctor, possibly see a psychologist, and most important (in my limited knowledge) to get into cognitive behavioral therapy.

Just wanted you (and everyone who posts their experiences) to know that they mean a lot to me.

swiftychick wrote:I got there and immediately felt like leaving.

Why didn't you leave? You could have made an excuse if you were afraid other people would 'laugh' at you for doing this, or you could have quietly sneaked out of the building. I imagine not many people would have noticed, since clearly, by your own admission, you were not the center of the party.

I felt out of place even though I have worked with these people for the last 8 months. It then occured to me that no matter what, I would never fit in, that I will never be like other people. And I just feel so defeated, isolated more, and just wish I had another place to go to work on monday. I don't think I can face those people. I made a fool of myself, and just wish I could disappear. And all I did was sit there like a bump on a log, I didn't try to talk to anyone, I choked, didn't know what to say. Just sat there, almost trying to get away as far as I could from the group.

I might be reading too much into this, but how are your relations with that people you work with? Do you talk to them, or do you constantly ignore them and keep them out of your life? Judging by your 'avoidant' personality, I am inclined to believe that you never built strong relationship with those individuals (sorry if I am wrong, I don't know you in real life) and for that reason they expressed no interest in you when you went to that social gathering. If that is the case, their rejection should not come to you as a surprise.

I could have cried. Right now I feel that I could end it now and who would miss me other than family. No one. I have never felt this way so hard. Is it so much to ask for to just have friends, and do things that normal people do? Why do I always feel this way.

You feel that way because apparently you have a personality disorder, but at least you can find solace in knowing that you are the only one.

Why can't I have a life with friends and a active social life? Most people take it for granted, I would love to be able to do what other do. I envy them for the ease in which they are able to have fun. Right now I am crying, knowing that no matter what, I am always going to be an outcast, and I am only 43.

I wish I had something to say to you. I have more or less felt that way, and I am 20 years younger than you. You might be looking for friends in the wrong social circles. If you are that desperate to have friends, why don't you join a church or something and try to find friends there? I am sure the people there are more sincere and not as shallow as the people you work with.

But I have been this way my entire life, and was hoping it would change before I was too old to enjoy life. Looks like I will die this way. I hate being me, I hate my life. And no one can understand how it feels, my dispair and my hatred I feel towards myself.

That sounds to me like a self-fulfilling prophecy kicking in. You are so convinced you are going to fail because of all your negative experiences that you end up bringing about that failture anyway, possibly because you like to find solace in knowing that at least your judgement was 'right'. Talk to a psychologist and be HONEST. If your psychologist cannot help you find another one. No, they won't transform you into a social butterfly. You are not like that and it would be impossible for you to fake it, but they can teach you how to deal with your problem and how to be unafraid of other people so that the next time you go through another humiliation (every human beings goes through humiliations, not just you) it doesn't end up in an emotional crisis with you wanting to kill yourself. That's all the advice I have for you.