If you have AVPD. Have you accepted it?

effre44 wrote:I posted on the SPD forums a while back uncertain of what I have - i.e AVPD or SPD (haven't been diagnosed with anything but depression though).

But I was just wondering for those who genuinley do have AVPD, have you accepted it or is everyday a 'lonely' day of 'longing to make contact with others' ?

Does the lonliness come and go? Is everyday painful or do you just accept it and learn to suppress the emotions so you dont feel anything at all?

If I do have AVPD, it seems me personally, that I have accepted it and lack the desire to change or do anything about it.

Depends how deeply I can immerse myself in work and hobbies. Some days it won't bother me at all. In fact, I can feel quite good. But when the work and hobbies don't fill the void it bothers me. There will always be at least a few hours of the week when it bothers me. On vacations and holidays it becomes harder to distract myself, so much so that taking them can sometimes become a choir. Sometimes on "vacations" I can distract myself enough with sleep and watching the market ticks to make it through not too badly, however.

Some days its cool but others it feels like being kicked in the teeth

AlAtBar wrote:

effre44 wrote:I posted on the SPD forums a while back uncertain of what I have - i.e AVPD or SPD (haven't been diagnosed with anything but depression though).

But I was just wondering for those who genuinley do have AVPD, have you accepted it or is everyday a 'lonely' day of 'longing to make contact with others' ?

Does the lonliness come and go? Is everyday painful or do you just accept it and learn to suppress the emotions so you dont feel anything at all?

If I do have AVPD, it seems me personally, that I have accepted it and lack the desire to change or do anything about it.

Depends how deeply I can immerse myself in work and hobbies. Some days it won't bother me at all. In fact, I can feel quite good. But when the work and hobbies don't fill the void it bothers me. There will always be at least a few hours of the week when it bothers me. On vacations and holidays it becomes harder to distract myself, so much so that taking them can sometimes become a choir. Sometimes on "vacations" I can distract myself enough with sleep and watching the market ticks to make it through not too badly, however.

I feel the same way as this in regards to work & hobbies filling the void. Though once I feel those feelings (lonliness, depression) start to come to the the surface I deny them and bury them and have learnt to basically not feel at all, so much so that those negative feelings last merely minutes. I then start to feel OK.
And even when oppurtunities for friends/relationships present themselves to me, I don't take them .. I don't even know why. I fear being overwhelmed by people, yet at the same time fear isolation. I fear losing my independence/freedom (I have 0 friends). So my work is my sort of .. middle ground where i'm content with everything. Because at work im not isolated and not also being overwhelmed there, I can watch people from a distance and gain entertainment from simply observing them interact without any sort of desire to participate or become involved with them.
I'm fine if the relationship is based on recreational activities, i'm an avid video game player and frequently associate with a few co-workers who are also into this hobby. This is all I disuss with these people, I know nothing of their personal life and don't really care about it either.
Has anyone heard of the term "fake it till you make it"? Maybe this is what needs to be done. But perhaps I have a disorder because I find myself unable to do this ....

effre44 wrote:I feel the same way as this in regards to work & hobbies filling the void. Though once I feel those feelings (lonliness, depression) start to come to the the surface I deny them and bury them and have learnt to basically not feel at all, so much so that those negative feelings last merely minutes. I then start to feel OK.
And even when oppurtunities for friends/relationships present themselves to me, I don't take them .. I don't even know why. I fear being overwhelmed by people, yet at the same time fear isolation. I fear losing my independence/freedom (I have 0 friends). So my work is my sort of .. middle ground where i'm content with everything. Because at work im not isolated and not also being overwhelmed there, I can watch people from a distance and gain entertainment from simply observing them interact without any sort of desire to participate or become involved with them.
I'm fine if the relationship is based on recreational activities, i'm an avid video game player and frequently associate with a few co-workers who are also into this hobby. This is all I disuss with these people, I know nothing of their personal life and don't really care about it either.
Has anyone heard of the term "fake it till you make it"? Maybe this is what needs to be done. But perhaps I have a disorder because I find myself unable to do this ....

Often I try to fake it, to pretend that I'm not socially inhibited. It is like acting and I can keep it up for a while, in the long run it always becomes too stressful and I go back to avoiding though.

I am also fairly good at keeping myself occupied and keeping myself from feeling lonely or depressed. At some point it becomes impossible to deny my issues though. Then I usually read psychological literature regarding my problems, analyze my own behavior and try to get some insight into myself and make lists of things I can do to improve. Then I can no longer say to myself that I'm not doing anything to improve my own situation. And by analyzing my problems, they become abstract and it is almost like they are not my problems anymore. But when the time comes to put new found insight into practice, I abandon it and go back to ignoring everything again. It is just another method to cope with my problems rather than to confront them and fix myself. Sometimes I wonder if posting on forums about my problems is another way to avoid actually having to deal with them.

.

Reynaert wrote:

effre44 wrote:I feel the same way as this in regards to work & hobbies filling the void. Though once I feel those feelings (lonliness, depression) start to come to the the surface I deny them and bury them and have learnt to basically not feel at all, so much so that those negative feelings last merely minutes. I then start to feel OK.
And even when oppurtunities for friends/relationships present themselves to me, I don't take them .. I don't even know why. I fear being overwhelmed by people, yet at the same time fear isolation. I fear losing my independence/freedom (I have 0 friends). So my work is my sort of .. middle ground where i'm content with everything. Because at work im not isolated and not also being overwhelmed there, I can watch people from a distance and gain entertainment from simply observing them interact without any sort of desire to participate or become involved with them.
I'm fine if the relationship is based on recreational activities, i'm an avid video game player and frequently associate with a few co-workers who are also into this hobby. This is all I disuss with these people, I know nothing of their personal life and don't really care about it either.
Has anyone heard of the term "fake it till you make it"? Maybe this is what needs to be done. But perhaps I have a disorder because I find myself unable to do this ....

Often I try to fake it, to pretend that I'm not socially inhibited. It is like acting and I can keep it up for a while, in the long run it always becomes too stressful and I go back to avoiding though.

I am also fairly good at keeping myself occupied and keeping myself from feeling lonely or depressed. At some point it becomes impossible to deny my issues though. Then I usually read psychological literature regarding my problems, analyze my own behavior and try to get some insight into myself and make lists of things I can do to improve. Then I can no longer say to myself that I'm not doing anything to improve my own situation. And by analyzing my problems, they become abstract and it is almost like they are not my problems anymore. But when the time comes to put new found insight into practice, I abandon it and go back to ignoring everything again. It is just another method to cope with my problems rather than to confront them and fix myself. Sometimes I wonder if posting on forums about my problems is another way to avoid actually having to deal with them.

Interesting, I rarely ever find myself in social situations so I don't even know how I would go in them. On the seldom few that I have been in, I say nothing at all. I wonder if having AVPD can 'morph' into SPD.
I have a few family members whom I suspect may have SPD, but perhaps they have AVPD? Do avoidants openly express their lonliness/depression to the world (or hide it? .. And thus 'appear' shcizoid?) and do schizoids either have 0 emotions or have learnt to repress them so much that the feelings do not exists anymore? Does anyone know how the two personality types would differ when presenting themselves in the real world? E.g. at the workplace.

effre44 wrote:Interesting, I rarely ever find myself in social situations so I don't even know how I would go in them. On the seldom few that I have been in, I say nothing at all. I wonder if having AVPD can 'morph' into SPD.
I have a few family members whom I suspect may have SPD, but perhaps they have AVPD? Do avoidants openly express their lonliness/depression to the world (or hide it? .. And thus 'appear' shcizoid?) and do schizoids either have 0 emotions or have learnt to repress them so much that the feelings do not exists anymore? Does anyone know how the two personality types would differ when presenting themselves in the real world? E.g. at the workplace.

These two personality disorders were thought to be the same for some time because the outward appearance is so similar. I would say that in general people with AvpD hide their emotions and feelings from others, although they may appear anxious or occasionally have moments where they are able to connect. Lately I have been informing my closest relatives about my some of my problems (obviously they knew I had some issues, but they were not aware of the extend of it), because they were starting to ask questions and they are still providing for me. To be honest it was really hard to talk about it and now I want to avoid them even more.

Sometimes, when I get very stressed, I stop feeling emotions and stop caring about anything (fortunately this does not happen often) and I wonder if schizoids are like that all the time. But I have never heard of someone changing from one disorder to the other (although different therapists might give a different diagnosis), a double diagnosis is fairly common though.

Reynaert wrote:

effre44 wrote:Interesting, I rarely ever find myself in social situations so I don't even know how I would go in them. On the seldom few that I have been in, I say nothing at all. I wonder if having AVPD can 'morph' into SPD.
I have a few family members whom I suspect may have SPD, but perhaps they have AVPD? Do avoidants openly express their lonliness/depression to the world (or hide it? .. And thus 'appear' shcizoid?) and do schizoids either have 0 emotions or have learnt to repress them so much that the feelings do not exists anymore? Does anyone know how the two personality types would differ when presenting themselves in the real world? E.g. at the workplace.

These two personality disorders were thought to be the same for some time because the outward appearance is so similar. I would say that in general people with AvpD hide their emotions and feelings from others, although they may appear anxious or occasionally have moments where they are able to connect. Lately I have been informing my closest relatives about my some of my problems (obviously they knew I had some issues, but they were not aware of the extend of it), because they were starting to ask questions and they are still providing for me. To be honest it was really hard to talk about it and now I want to avoid them even more.

Sometimes, when I get very stressed, I stop feeling emotions and stop caring about anything (fortunately this does not happen often) and I wonder if schizoids are like that all the time. But I have never heard of someone changing from one disorder to the other (although different therapists might give a different diagnosis), a double diagnosis is fairly common though.

Hmmm .. don't know where I would fit then. Probably bits from both. 50/50.

effre44 wrote:Hmmm .. don't know where I would fit then. Probably bits from both. 50/50.

I wouldn't worry about it. I suppose it can bring some comfort to know that you belong, even if it is to a group of mentally disturbed people. Sometimes I actually feel a bit guilty if I notice my relief when I hear/read that there are others who have the exact same problems as I do. And in the end you still have to help yourself, although it is probably easier to figure out how if you have a more recognizable problem. Unfortunately, knowing how does little to reduce anxiety for me.

In the DSM-V they are going to remove schizoid personality disorder as a specific type and replace it by a combination of problems and traits anyway. In general each person will be diagnosed with a trait profile rather than a specific disorder. Any (simplified) model will never be able to fully capture reality, in my opinion it is best to just see personality classification as a tool for therapists to make documentation and communication easier.