fear

fear....very crippling

i fear having children. i was youngest girl of three with two older brothers. never "baby sat"...very close to my mother. mother died as a young adult. so yes,..i fear having children of my own. "freak" . i can't even hold babies when offered to me??? i brake out totally in a sweat and just freak!

anyone else have fears like such? like..contact with a good thing but just can't? how do ya circle about it?

Hi, Fervent!

You won´t find many people here who consider seriously the possibility to have children. Most of us, neither have a relationship.
Anyway, I had in mind this possibility for a long time but I forget it for different reasons.
I´m sure you would be a good mother, I mean you don´t have any problem such as Avoidance. Take always in mind that the perfect mother doesn´t exist. Everyone is going to make one or another mistake along the process. So, don´t be afraid of this.
You have to worry about you if you have any support to have your baby, because you are a worker mother. That´s all. When you have in your arms your own baby, you will feel fears but at the same time, you´ll feel something amazing. These is what people say. The first fears will desappear in the way you learn to know your baby reactions. they can´t talk but they give us lots of signals.
A strong hug, and good luck!

And don´t forget, I know for my parents´pupils that perfect parents don´t exist.

I don't think I'm afraid, but I can definately relate to you. I have two much older brothers (13 and 9 years apart) and my mother died last November. I am not close to my father at all. In fact, after the antics he pulled while she was on her deathbed, I have yet to forgive him. I don't know if, with my crappy background, I'd make good mother material. I don't want to pass on faulty genes and would feel terrible isolating the kid because my mother was very overprotective of me and I believe this contributed to my extreme introversion. Was your mother your babysitter, too? I've only had one once.

You sound like you really want children, though. Mostly I just cringe when they cry. I always thought I wanted them but they are so needy. I agree with Twistermind, though, that you will probably feel different if it were your own child. There is a connection that is shared between a mother and child that now one else could penetrate. I was close with my mother, too. Sometimes I don't want to have a child because they'd never be able to know her.

Thanku lonegirl. I started the thread basicly of thoughts of fear. This is my fear. Babies. Mostly..I was very blessed to have such a great friend,my mom. She is gone. My dad..I was good cause mom made everyone tamed. My dad?lost all coping ways since. My brothers...into their own wives/lives...no one stops to think about the impact.

We never"talked" about mom gone. Dad has burried pain..very very bitter now. My bros? Just don't think about. They let their wives deal with children.

I myself...want my child raised how I was. I do not have that support emotionaly now. Scares the crap outa me thinkn raise a child without what I had. My husband is great,..but...worker. I would deal with the child and thought of mistakes scares me.I know lots woman just have cause....I feel bad for the child. I want a betr way for the child. I have no guiadence or close family support.

Co-workers think I'm odd no children. Ask me if I care what they think?

So,yes...kinda sad choice I chose. To others. I am fine.

Just a fear to b responsible for an individual I may screw up their life?

Just me.

Just a general topic I brought up about "fear".

Thanx. How do I overcome this fear of mine? Prob try get on betr terms with my bitter dad.

How do others overcome fear?