Anyone actually happy being alone?

Hi, I’m new here. I lurk occasionally, but I’ve never actually registered until today.

I don’t even know where to begin. The relief I feel, just knowing there are other people out there like me, that understand the personal hell I’ve lived in for most of my life. The fact there are other people that feel rejected and unsure and afraid with other people, even when it doesn’t make sense, even when there’s no reason to. I feel a little less alone just knowing this forum is here.

Anyway, I just wanted to know if there were any other people here that felt happier being alone then forcing yourself to be social. I know it’s more comfortable for avoidant, but are you happier that way?

It probably has everything to do with living as an avoidant for most of my life, but I find that the older I get, the more I enjoy being alone. I don’t have to tell you how painful it is to be social around strangers/acquaintances, and with the rare close friends I see anymore, I just get bored and drained and want to crawl back to my room. My depression and social anxiety got so bad a few years ago I dropped out of college, and am taking classes online now. Truth be told, I rarely leave the house anymore.

I know this is seen as anti-social to most people, and my parents bring the subject up with me, especially when they’re angry with me and are trying to hurt me. My lack of a social life seems to shame them, and that shames me. I feel like a freak, and that kills me, but most of the time I’m completely content being an introvert. So on one hand I hate being so unlike “normal” people, it embarrasses me and I wish more then anything I could be somebody else. On the other hand, I just gave up trying. I don’t want to push myself to be social anymore, it drains me. I do miss dating, and I’m terrified I’m never going to fall in love again, but on a day to day basis? I’m more then happy to be by myself. And I feel like there’s something seriously wrong with that, like maybe I'm regressing into my symptoms even further instead of fighting them.

I guess I’m just looking for other people that might be able to identify with this. It seems like a lot of people here are trying to improve their social life, maybe I’m going about this the wrong way : )

Also, completely off-topic, but why is AvPD so rarely acknowledged? I have talked to many, many counselors/therapists/psychiatrists about my anxiety around people, my deep fears of rejection, my obsession over how others view me. I didn’t even know other people had these symptoms until my sister pointed out to me that this was a recognized condition. What gives? Are there really that few of us?

I also find social situations very emotionally draining. It just does not come natural to me and i dont think it ever will. Alone is all i have known so it is how i am most comfortable. It doesnt make me happy, guess feelings that i am missing out on alot makes it difficult. I also find it hard to keep myself motivated because i feel there isnt any point if ultimately ill be by myself.

I have been in therapy most of my life and had never heard of AvPD. Wasnt until prob a couple years ago that i had learned of it from the web. I dont think it is very rare so i really dont know why it isnt recognized more by "professionals".

I feel the same way. The older I get the less desire I have to try to be social and go through all that painful interaction business. I am perfectly happy spending large amounts of my time by myself. I guess I'm happy in the little world I've got - I have close family and a few close friends to talk to, and that's all I need. If I didn't have those few close people though I think it would probably be different.

I've also had heaps of therapy and nobody ever mentioned the existence of "AvPD". Maybe they were thinking it but not saying it, I don't know.

the pain wrote:I have been in therapy most of my life and had never heard of AvPD. Wasnt until prob a couple years ago that i had learned of it from the web. I dont think it is very rare so i really dont know why it isnt recognized more by "professionals".

Anastasia wrote:I've also had heaps of therapy and nobody ever mentioned the existence of "AvPD". Maybe they were thinking it but not saying it, I don't know.

The impression I got from the doctors I've seen is they don't want to tell their patients what label they are. I assume because they feel this will do more harm than good to the patient. They also seemed to believe that many anxiety related disorders have the same root cause and thus can be treated similarly.

For the most part I'm fine with being alone. It's what I'm used to, what I feel comfortable with. What I do mind is the feeling that I'm not in control of my own life.

The thing I've always most desired is to experience romantic love. Yet I've made this impossible by my avoidance. I simply will not allow anyone to become close to me in that way.

This, probably more than anything else, has stripped me of my drive, will power, and faith in myself. All of my achievements seem hollow, to the point where I stopped pursuing them.

I have far more greater tolerance to aloneness than most people I would say. I can literally have no interaction with anyone for 24 hours without feeling any difference to my mood. However, past that period, I usually feel terrible and want to interact with close friends/family whether its through IM, face to face or phone.

At the same time, I find it very tiring to be in social interaction. I can't take it more than couple of hours everyday really and by the end of it I usually feel very exhausted and drained. I think these terms have also been used by previous poster in this thread.

When I am with someone that I am comfortable with where I can be myself 100%, a day would went by really quick and I am loving every fleeting moments. I can say that this is a rejuvenating experience. So I am now trying hard, instead of thinking about myself/sounding stupid and all, I am trying just to keep away from the negative thoughts, relax, and be myself. It's going to be a hard change I know since my brain has been wired the wrong way

I am most comfortable, but I am not happy alone. I am always uncomfortable around people, and im only capable of enjoying myself around family.

I feel exactly the same way, really. Being social is really desirable, and even fun, but when it's all done and over with, I just feel exhausted and the whole process is really draining. That's a good word for it. It's not that I don't like it, no, it's just plain draining. One of my biggest fantasies is being a really outgoing social person, but that's just not me, and I've really tried.

I need a considerable amount of alone time to be comfortable. I feel guilty because of this, because of how private I am, but I just value my alone time so much, I really do enjoy it. All my hobbies are generally solitary things, and doing them around other people just makes me uncomfortable and self-conscious. When I'm outside for a long time, I get stressed because I really feel I need to recharge back in the sanctuary of my room. But that can't go on like that for too long either - I need to go out and do things with people sometimes or else I'd get too cooped up and start getting so stressed, thinking "I'm doing nothing with my life, I have no social life, I'm such a dissapointment" etc etc...you know, the usual.

I guess one of the reasons I'm so depressed about it because I think I'm too high-maintenance for anyone to bother going through the trouble of being friends with me. I mean, when I think of that sort of thing, I imagine having to go through the full gamut of activities you need to go through in today's world for a person my age - facebook, texting, going to clubs all the time, all that sort of stuff, and I just know I can't handle that sort of life, and have no desire for it. Asking for a middle-ground thing seems to be asking for too much, so the only really choice I see for me is just to primarily be alone.

I guess it comes down to "I like being alone, but not as much as I am."

blacklamb wrote: I do miss dating, and I’m terrified I’m never going to fall in love again, but on a day to day basis? I’m more then happy to be by myself. And I feel like there’s something seriously wrong with that, like maybe I'm regressing into my symptoms even further instead of fighting them.

I guess I’m just looking for other people that might be able to identify with this. It seems like a lot of people here are trying to improve their social life, maybe I’m going about this the wrong way : )

Also, completely off-topic, but why is AvPD so rarely acknowledged? I have talked to many, many counselors/therapists/psychiatrists about my anxiety around people, my deep fears of rejection, my obsession over how others view me. I didn’t even know other people had these symptoms until my sister pointed out to me that this was a recognized condition. What gives? Are there really that few of us?

Dating??? You used to enjoy dating?????????? You must have been getting some, eh? I never dated. Too much anxiety to even try. Now it's why bother.

Why is AvPD so rarely acknowledged? Insurance doesn't pay for PD treatment since PDs are considered an axisII disorder. It will only pay for axis I - depression, schizophrenia, bipolar. But General and social anxiety disorders are considered axis I. Did anyone ever say you had either of those?

I can say I am happy when I am alone. I look at this as a blessing. Not everyone is comfortable being alone.

I can also say that I feel safe when I am alone. No one to tip the teeter-totter. Just nice quiet, birds sings.