First Post - Saying Hello

Hello Everyone, my first post here so just wanted to say hi and do a little intro of myself. I'm a 43yo male from Canada and I've suffered with AvPD for as far back as I can remember. I never really understood what my issues were or even heard of AvPD till I had a melt down of sorts about 3 years ago. Since then I've been in a constant battle of change and learning more about myself. I've made a fair bit of progress but I still have some aspects of my life that I want to see improve. Even with the progress I've made I still get depressed from time to time as a lot of water has passed under this bridge but I still feel motivated to better my life, mostly because I have a teenage daughter that I want to be there for the best I can.

I've been reading quite a number of posts on here and have noticed there are a high number of younger people then myself. I think it's great you all have found this forum and are able to share your stories. The sooner you can get a handle on things, so to speak, then hopefully you won't have to suffer for as long as some of us old timers have. As I do believe improvement can be had for those who seek it and are determined to have a life they can feel content about.

Rusty

Hey Rusty,

You're not the first person i've met here who has claimed that their son/daughter gives them motivation to continue battling in life. Anyway, what exactly happened during your melt down? I had a melt down a few years ago too, but that was when I was 22 I think, or maybe 21. I identify with AvPD too, butI feel that Asperger's Synrome describes me better.

Kevin

Hello, Rustynail!
Welcome!
I also subscribe what you say about young people, the sooner they know what are their problems and differences, the sooner they will be able to face them and improve their life.
It´s so nice what you say about your daughter. Let me tell you something. I have no children for now, but your daughter doesn´t or won´t care about you´re an avoidant or you have one or another fault. At the end, she only cares of the loving you gave her. So, don´t worry about she can or can´t accept you.

@twistermind

Thanks for the welcome and for your kind words!


@Chucky

Hey Kevin, Well my melt down started with work. I had been working at the same job for about 5 years and I usually felt a fair bit of anxiety doing it but the anxiety got to a point where I just couldn't deal with it very well at all. I was finding it harder and harder to be around people. Never an easy thing for me to do at anytime but it got to the point I just couldn't do it at all anymore so I ended up leaving my job.

After a couple of months at home I was actually feeling more relaxed than I had in a long time but my normal tendency to avoid people just kept getting more intense. I began having bouts of depression and incidents of high anxiety being around almost anyone including my family. It got bad enough that one night I found myself outside in the rain thinking of killing myself. As miserable as I felt and wanted to do it the thought of my daughter kept my mind looking for another way and that's when I told myself to get help ASAP. The next day I was at the hospital speaking with councilors and the like and made an appointment to see a psychiatrist.

That was about three years ago and I've been working on myself ever since, trying not to just get to where I was before things went totally of the tracks but to a point where my fear of rejection and associated anxiety are diminished to more normal levels thus allowing one to have a more normal life. A big challenge to be sure but so far I've had some success along the way.

I've always been avoidant, it was quite noticeable by time I was about 16. I never knew why I seemed to feel and act different than other people I knew, I just felt there was something wrong with me and that I'd have to live with it. I can remember wanting to see a professional back when I was 22 or so and was reluctant to do so as I worried that somehow people would find out. In retrospect, a big mistake there.

Rusty

Thanks for sharing your story. I am in 20s myself and although I never diagnosed myself with AvPD (I always thought of myself as confident and normal) - several months into my new job I realized that there is something wrong with me and not until few weeks ago that I realized I might have AvPD...

I am wondering if taking medications have improved your conditions and if you have also undertaken any Cognitive Behavioral Therapy?

ethels, I had to get some cognitive behavioural therapy to deal with my OCD. It helped quite a lot I must admit.

Rusty, it's good that you're still motivated to get better, but that motivation must now be put to practice. Thanks for telling about the 'meltdown' though. It strikes in similarty to my own meltdown which I think I mentioned already. How confident would you be about taking walks outside and/or going to the shop? the road to recovery from AvPD is about taking baby steps unfortunately. I've already battled it and can now go out with ease, but I did this at a younger age than you. If I had my way, I'd never step outside the door again though.

Kevin

Your welcome ethels.

When I first met my doctor he prescribed me Effexor ER which is a SNRI anti-depressant. I did become less depressed while on these pills but my anxiety was about the same. I do wonder if the Effexor was really helpful towards my depression or if it was due to having new hope and thus maybe a placebo effect. I didn't have any side-effects while on the drug (approx 6 mos) or any problem coming off of it. Although I do read of others who have had bad times with both side-effects and cessation.

I have tried some CBT methods on my own and can see how they can help. But if I were you I would start by seeking out professional help in whatever form you have the ability to do so. I’m not saying that professionals are the cure all, but it’s a good place to start when you are feeling overwhelmed at your job. One of the first suggestions my doctor made to me on my first visit to him was not to quit my job. He was assuming I had one at the time but I had already left months before. At the time it kind of irked me that he had said that. I thought, what the heck man, I feel like doing myself in and you’re worried about me working? I came to understand later why that he considered this important to mention. That financial pressures would only lead to more depression and anxiety.

A big part of my recovery was learning why I was the way I was. I'm the type of person who always wants to know why or how something works. I used to drive my math teacher nuts. Anyway, the more I really understood why I felt like I did around other people the more I could start to challenge some of the beliefs I had about myself. I'm now in the process of taking what I've learned and starting to apply it to my day to day life. It is challenging and by times even depressing when things don't go as good as I had hoped but I also surprise myself sometimes which is always a good feeling.


Rusty

Hey Kevin, I agree wholeheartedly. That's about where I'm at right now, putting the rubber to the road so to speak. My ability to go into local shops still feels a little awkward at times. Further out from home I have less problem than ever before. I can now walk around a store and still feel quite comfortable with myself with little to no anxiety. That's a big change for me. Some of the habitual negative thinking is still going on with me and can still get the best of me on some days. This is going take some time putting to rest. I'm going through a pretty rough time financially and relationship wise right now so I know that's not helping the situation any.

Rusty

Hey canada guy. I like canada. I go there all the time. I was just in montreal Friday. You don't know where all the hookers on st catharine street went, do you? Oh yeah - I would be about your age if I had not froen myself at 39. I never managed to have kids, heck - or sex. Got the sex thanks to the wonder of craigslist hookers. So is this daughter from some kind of immaculate conception or did you manage to find a gal to have her for you? I just got a new kitten. I can live for her. And to see if I can run my evil dentist out of business. And get my former bosses fired. I guess that doesn't mean much to you since you're new here. Howdy.

Hey Parador, you devil you. I could tell you were fairly horny just by looking at your avatar...hope you're at least careful where u stick your horn in Montreal.

I was married for 5 years and then divorced. Best part of that whole escapade was having my daughter. My ex-wife would probably say the same thing. Since then I've been and still am in another long term relationship. For the past couple of years this relationship hasn't been the most stable either so waiting to see what happens there. The sad part about this relationship is that I think we both need to work on ourselves but I'm the only one willing to do so.

Rusty