new here,

hi,
i'm 19 years old(male), not a native english speaker and this is the first time i actually use a forum, i'm even to shy to write in forums, so go easy on me.
i don't think i'm a self diagnosed avpd, I just did a lot of research and found that avpd was the closest one.

i started to realize my problem recently because while i usually allways stay at home or i only meet with my regular and comfortable friends, one of my friends invited me to a party, and i, thinking that i had to change my ways, accepted promptly.
the end result wasn't very good. the next day i started to think about what the people i met thought about me, and i just couldn't accept that they could actually like me. i would only think as how they saw me as someone with 0% interesting personality. and that depressed me. it took me 3 days to truly get over it and yet, whenever my friend talked about someone i met at the party, my head would explode with thoughts about them again and i would try, whithout making him think i was super interested, to ask him what they thought of me(i also have a touch of dependent personality) all with hope of being accepted, and since that never happens or at least i don't see it, it just bums me out unnecessarily.
this wasn't the first time a thing like this happened, it's like i believe i'll handle it this time or the next... i just don't want this disorder to keep me locked inside my house, but i just seem to not be able to release this fear of being hurt or made fun of.
it's because of situations like this one that i fear so tremendously to be in social environments or be in the spotlight(which is something that i fear will resent in my school or work life).
ahhh... i have to admit it, it feels good to say something. I unfortunatly have no one to talk to about this issue(mostly, because i don't want to be a burden to people, neither do i know anyone that wouldn't make fun of or take advantage of this information...)
hope i didn't bored anyone with all this writing and life storytelling(i have more stories, but i'm not here to write a book lol ).
i hope to get more envolved with this forum and maybe help someone.
any problems, just be honest with me. i might not take criticism well, but i believe it's better than being lied to.
(now i'm having a hard time pressing the submit button xD it never stops)

I think you're suffering the same thing (or similar) to this guy: self-esteem/topic46530.html There are some differences but I see it as both of you thinking too much about things (worrying too much) and trying to live up to some standard that you believe is for whatever reasons necessary to live up to. What does it matter what any person thinks about you? I know that some people think I'm gay, but do I care? - Not one bit. I know that some people think I'm a jerk, but do I care? - No. Why dhould you care what anybody thinks about you?

I told the other guy (link, above) to be proud of who he is, and I'm saying this to you too.

Kevin

thank you for those words, i needed to hear them from someone else them me, because i actually think you're tottaly right, everyone is diferent and nobody is perfect, and i accept that. the problem, for me at least, is do other people think like that. i guess i just got to lose this need for approval from everyone in the world, especially because i'll never get it.

so far i have been trying to be around people i don't know well so that i might get used to being around them and not have this problem. it's not easy(neither did i expected it to be) but it's something that i believe has to be done one step at a time.

This is completely off topic but why do people think you're gay Chucky? I'm not trying to be a jerk either. I'm sure some people think the same thing of me but that's mostly because I get flustered and I just don't know how to act. Plus I'm hardly ever trying to talk to girls unlike some of my friends who get them without even really trying. I can though but I just can't commit to actually trying to make anything out of a relationship. I usually get to the point where we start talking a lot and then when they want to hang out I just blow them off and start ignoring them.

Oh and I do the same thing Yodre. I went to a party last weekend with some friends and regretted it immediately. I just hung out with myself because my friends usually split up at parties to talk to people. I played some beer pong but there were way too many people and the alcohol didn't even help me get over my nerves. Long story short, I felt like an idiot. I still regret going.

yodre, 'perfection' doesn't exist - It should not be a word in any dictionary. You are not special, and I am not special either. We are all the same just as we are now. We don't have to live our lives to any standard. We live our lives based on what we want to do ourselves.

Ender187, I am not 100% sure why some people think that I'm gay. I have a deep, male voice but I know that I have a very babyish face and I wear clothes that other guys wouldn't wear. I like to look my best each day too, and I sometimes wear tight-fitting tops. I tend to get on better with girls too, actually.

Kevin

Chucky wrote:Ender187, I am not 100% sure why some people think that I'm gay. I have a deep, male voice but I know that I have a very babyish face and I wear clothes that other guys wouldn't wear. I like to look my best each day too, and I sometimes wear tight-fitting tops. I tend to get on better with girls too, actually.

Kevin

Damn!! no wonder people think you are gay. LOL! No, but seriously, I think it is much harder for men to deviate from the masculine stereotypical norm, than for women to do this (from the feminine stereotype) and not appear as unusual or strange.

chucky wrote

yodre, 'perfection' doesn't exist - It should not be a word in any dictionary. You are not special, and I am not special either. We are all the same just as we are now. We don't have to live our lives to any standard. We live our lives based on what we want to do ourselves.

Chucky you don't by any chance make soap from human fat do you?

yodre My therapists and I hear that the way to lesson the symptoms of Avpd or whatever, is to do a bunch of social things in order to get used to it. So like forcing yourself to say something you're afraid to say.
I don't really have any hope for this idea working in practice, but whatever.

I do'nt understand why you asked me that question, IThinkSo, but I don't make soap from human fat. I don't use soap much in my apartment. Forgottenpast, that's a good observation about men and women deviating from their respective stereotypes, and I have to say that I agree with it.

I do'nt understand why you asked me that question, IThinkSo, but I don't make soap from human fat. I don't use soap much in my apartment.

Oh. Something you said earlier was a lot like something someone says in the movie Fight Club. Sorry if the question was weird.

Oh, it's okay. That was a good movie (Fight Club). Watching it makes me want to just give up everything in life, go out to a disused warehouse, and live there (...and becoming a criminal). That would be 'fun' because i'm fed up of common life.

Kevin