Anyone Wanna Help

I need some help and I am requesting anonomys people to help me. What is wrong with me? I know we are all a little different, but I'v been feeling alot different as iv been growing older. Let me start off with a little bit about me

I'm 18 years old, male. I'm in college (I don't like the school alot, i tend to get mad at myself actually because of it)
In high school I was very smart, I got 1350 SAT, 30 ACT and I graduated from an international program from an academy.
I got a full scholarship to a less than impressive school and I feel like I could achieve so much more, but I went there to save money for my parents. I tend to beat myself up and work a lot harder than I should at this school because of it. I'v been having a lot of feelings of self loathing lately, to the point where I don't go out cause I feel like partying will only make the situation worse.

Well I'm on break now, and living with my parents again, and I realized all we do is fight. I have begun to believe I'm highly selfish. I get really angry when things don't go my way, and I have problems when I don't get something. I was spoiled a lot as a kid however.

My relationships. I'm posting this on this forum because I align most likely with it. I enjoy being alone, and I have a lot of great friends i like to go out with, but I always feel so distant from some of them. I have never had a meaningful relationship with a girl yet (I'v been told I'm good looking, I have had relationships, just none last more than a month or so) and I really do long for one. However, I am very centered on looks before personality. I tend to get bored of girls very easily also.

I guess I understand and know my problem, I'm selfish in a way, and I guess I'm just looking for a way to figure out how to change this. I don't know how to talk to my parents about it cause they are very harsh and I just don't know where to go cause this keeps eating away at me. Any help would be greatly appreciated, Thanks.

It sounds like you resent your parents for not spending money to send you to a big time school. Is there anything to that? Don't worry about going to a less than stellar college. Ronald Reagan went to some dinky little place called Eureka College and he went on to become president. One of my high school teachers went to Harvard.

Maybe you could do some volunteer work at a food shelf or homeless shelter. Then you could see how fortunate you are to have the things you have. You could also read our sad sack stories and thank your lucky stars that you don't practically crap your pants when talking to a woman.

hey thanks, i know i have it well off, like in my head i know this. But when it comes down to actions, I tend to disregard it. Its the reason I'v been getting pissed at myself.

But I was wondering if I have AVPDT because I'v never had a meaningful relationship. I don't get along well with guys, i don't trust them, and when i get close to a girl i back off or make excuses. It takes a lot for me to trust someone and when i do i still take it personally if something even minute happens

Those month long relationships you are getting are way more than I could get at your age. Avoidants don't do relationships because they feel they are not good enough for their partners. I think it's probably hard for lots of 18 year old guys to commit to a relationship. I knew guys in college who didn't get a real long term one until junior year. It takes time to find someone who you are going to be compatable with. It also takes time to figure out what you really want out of a relationship and what kind of woman will make you happy.

Hey

A lot of people your age never had a relationship and might feel insecure.
Doesn't really sound like AVPD to me. You're probably depressed and don't know where's your place in life.
Keep on trying. you won't fail, trust me