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Do I sound like I may have avoidant?

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Re: Do I sound like I may have avoidant?

Postby hanna » Mon Dec 14, 2009 7:03 am

morning star wrote:
hanna wrote:
morning star wrote:You're 17, you sound just like a regular teenager who's worried about not fitting in with the "cool kids"
Wow that was condescending. Life is not an afterschool special, or Gossip Girl or Mean Girls, and most high schools really don't have that group of "cool kids" that everyone wants to be part of. I think by the time you're seventeen and you literally cannot form a real connection with another human being, you can tell that there's something really wrong with you. Hell I knew that when I was like ten, and I didn't hear of AvPD until years later.


Nonsense. I wasn't being condescending at all. You often hear of many teenagers say or feel they are in a similar position to the OP. Believe it or not, most grow out of it in a few years. The majority don't become shy loners, shoot up a school or become a serial killer. I'm not going to label a young man at 17 with a PD and neither would any professionally trained psych, because not only could it have a negative impact on his life, studies have shown that the brain doesn't stop developing until about the age of 25. That's 8 years away, and his attitude could change dramatically in that period of time.

Saying this guy has or could have AVPD could hold him back from living and achieving a fulfilling life.

"The onset of these patterns of behavior can typically be traced back to late adolescence and the beginning of adulthood and, in rarer instances, childhood.[1] It is therefore unlikely that a diagnosis of personality disorder will be appropriate before the age of 16 or 17 years."

And nobody said anything about shooting up the school. Most avoidants don't do that.
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Re: Do I sound like I may have avoidant?

Postby Leviathan » Mon Dec 14, 2009 7:23 am

But at 17, many teenage boys feel isolated as do teenage girls. I 'd say it's unlikely this guy has a PD, but more likely to be going through a phase. Saying he has a PD is wrong, even a psych would say this, even if half the time they don't know what they are talking about.

I know avoidants don't shoot up a school. But the ones that do are loners that are similar to AVPD but are more likely depressed or psychopathic then avoidant.
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Re: Do I sound like I may have avoidant?

Postby twistermind » Mon Dec 14, 2009 2:26 pm

LCL wrote:I’m not worried about fitting in with the cool kids. I don’t even like them anyway and I have never fitted into that group all my life. It would be better if I had more than one good friend though. I know more people but they are people that I can talk to a little, not actually be good friends with.

This is the exact point I meant when I mentioned a middle zone. You don´t need to be the most popular guy or girl. But, it´s really important that you get to be comfortable with yourself. To have your own interest, a few of friends (there is no need for more), enjoy with your own achievements (what Parador says is really important, focusses on your studies)

My grades in school are pretty good, I decided to myself a while ago that if I’m going to fail at a social life then I’ll try and do good academically. Have never worked though, the thought of a job interview scares the crap out of me.
Are you studing any career? or have you got any idea about what profession do you want to dedicate to?

When you mention locking yourself in your room at 17, well that’s exactly what I’m doing now. If I’m not at school 95% of my time is spent in my bedroom. Even if there was a doctor that did diagnose me I don’t think I would do much, at the moment I think I’m just exploring my own identity or something like that… :

Well, the same as I did. Do you want to know, how long had I been locked? For 7 whole and eternal years, honey. Never, during this time, I look for help. I lied myself and lied everyone by pretending everything was ok, while I wrote on my diary, one day and another how depressive I was feeling.
Sorry, honey; but I overly disagree with you in your last assertition. Follow a therapy or talk to someone who understand these situation could be a great help.
Have you tried to talk to a conselor in your school? He/she could lead you a bit.
I know you need some time for your own, to tidy your thoughts, your feelings...but you can, of course, have a hand given in this process. Who knows, perhaps you will be more lucky than me.
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Re: Do I sound like I may have avoidant?

Postby hanna » Mon Dec 14, 2009 3:27 pm

morning star wrote:But at 17, many teenage boys feel isolated as do teenage girls. I 'd say it's unlikely this guy has a PD, but more likely to be going through a phase. Saying he has a PD is wrong, even a psych would say this, even if half the time they don't know what they are talking about.

I know avoidants don't shoot up a school. But the ones that do are loners that are similar to AVPD but are more likely depressed or psychopathic then avoidant.

They might not diagnose him with a PD, but unless they're just a #######5 doctor they wouldn't dismiss it as "just a phase" either.
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Re: Do I sound like I may have avoidant?

Postby Parador » Mon Dec 14, 2009 3:58 pm

Hoepfully it's just a phase. But the phase CAN turn into a PD. Talk to your school councilor like twistor said. Hopefully he's not a moron like mine was.
Last edited by Parador on Mon Dec 14, 2009 4:01 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Do I sound like I may have avoidant?

Postby LCL » Mon Dec 14, 2009 4:00 pm

I don’t have a clue want I want to do as a profession but I will just finish my final year of high school next year and go from there I guess. Maybe next year I will talk to the school councillor but I highly doubt I could muster up enough guts. Thanks for the advice, talking about this does help.

A middle ground would be nice, it was like that several years ago. Back then I was still bad in social situations but I had my own group of friends. My old friendships have drifted apart and these days seem like everyone I knew plus everyone else wants to just go out as much as possible and binge drink and party, but I personally don’t agree with this, perhaps another reason I can’t relate. Not that I was ever good at relating, I just had my own group of friends and stuck with them.

I’m not sure if what I’m experiencing is possibly a ‘phase’ or what. Does a “phase” imply short period of time. I feel like I can recognise myself as being like this for the past two years, but I was never good socially through my life anyway. I always sucked at relating to people, I was always quiet around people I didn’t know/trust. Now recently I’m noticing that I’m too scared to get into personal relationships, I don’t let people know too much about me in fear of being judged or criticized. I’ve did some strange stuff to avoid situations as well. Anyway I’m not trying to ask for a diagnosis just discussion.
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Re: Do I sound like I may have avoidant?

Postby Parador » Mon Dec 14, 2009 4:10 pm

LCL wrote: My old friendships have drifted apart and these days seem like everyone I knew plus everyone else wants to just go out as much as possible and binge drink and party, but I personally don’t agree with this, perhaps another reason I can’t relate. .


I had that problem too. It stinks. But you don't need to have lots of friends to get by in life. You just need to have the right friends and contacts. Set yourself apart as a more mature guy than your classmates. Your teachers shoud appreciate that. See if you can do any volunteer work. That will look good when you apply for a paying job.
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Re: Do I sound like I may have avoidant?

Postby Leviathan » Mon Dec 14, 2009 5:58 pm

hanna wrote:
morning star wrote:But at 17, many teenage boys feel isolated as do teenage girls. I 'd say it's unlikely this guy has a PD, but more likely to be going through a phase. Saying he has a PD is wrong, even a psych would say this, even if half the time they don't know what they are talking about.

I know avoidants don't shoot up a school. But the ones that do are loners that are similar to AVPD but are more likely depressed or psychopathic then avoidant.

They might not diagnose him with a PD, but unless they're just a #######5 doctor they wouldn't dismiss it as "just a phase" either.


Probably not, they'd just say he's depressed and prescribe a load of crappy meds.
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Re: Do I sound like I may have avoidant?

Postby Steve234 » Mon Dec 14, 2009 8:32 pm

I know, all the doctors i've come across have always said that i'm just depressed and prescribed me medication. I think most psychiatrists aren't really that great of psychiatrists, they aren't really good at getting to the root of the problem. Either that or the ones I end up with, using the VA healthcare system, aren't that great. After 15 freaking years of almost complete isolation, it's too bad that all of the psychiatrists i've seen have never given me a diagnosis of a PD. I might have been actively pursuing a cure if I knew what the real disease was. It's only after my most recent meeting with the VA psychiatrist that he finally said I show personality disorder traits . That's only after I personally mentioned it, briefly, in therapy. It's like it took my suggestion for a light to finally switch on. I would never have found out about personality disorders had I not taken a college course on abnormal psychology.
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Re: Do I sound like I may have avoidant?

Postby Parador » Mon Dec 14, 2009 10:48 pm

That was true for me too. Shrinks were even saying I might have schizophenia. Then I mentoned AvPD and anixiety. Then I got one to put possible avpd SAD and GAD on my record. The problems with personality disorders is that they are axis II which means that insurance won't cover treatment for them. So it doesn't help for a doc to diagnose you and treat you for a PD -who's is going to pay?
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