Delicate moments

Hi!
First of all, I want to say that I feel a bit guilty for writting this thread, because I know there are people in this forum who are living worse moments than me.
It was really difficult for me to come back work because I felt I had nothing good to offer my pupils. Once, I overcame this, I´m again pretrified because the end of the term is coming and we have a special activity (a recreation of a market in Bethlehem). All the school is going to participate, children, teachers, parents and the market will be visited by people in the town and people from other schools.
I´m not a course tutor, I´m an specialist. But, I didn´t want to see the possibility of being out, I had to be busy and participate (I don´t want to be hidden in the toilets or in my classroom like other years). So, I´ll do a market stall where children will work with wood.
By the side, I´ll have a lunch with my co-workers. I haven´t written my name in the list, yet. I´m still wondering " to go, or not to go".
Ok, this is my request, appart from going to the toilets as an excuse. What else can I do in a desperete situation, when I get anxious. Any trick, any suggestion is wellcome.

Migraine headache. Or you could put pretend you are getting a cell phone call. On my cell you can make it ring by pushing a button on the side. It's to adjust the ring volume, but if I were to hit in on and off it would sound like a ring. Get a phone like that if you can and keep it in your pocket. Then say "my phone is vibrating" reach in and hit the ringer. Then say something has come up that you have to deal with.

Thanks, honey. The idea of the cell phone is really good. I´ll see if I have this fuction on my cell. It seems to me that I´ll have to use it a lot.
Thanks!

I have read the story 3 times and still can not figure out what exaxlty your running away from

So you work as a teacher yeah?
You recreate betlaham with your pupils?
Your a specialist in what?
Somehow big problem?

btw English is not my native laguege , mabye its me , I dont now

lol! I shouldn´t have explained very well myself, so. The problem is that I´m an avoidant, and I´m really anxious in these situations up to the point that I tend to avoid them. This year I took more responsability by involving in activities with my co-workers. You can imagine that I feel comfortable in my classroom where I have some control but then, there are these ###$´ing meetings with co-workers, with parents and so on, where I feel like a fish out of water.
Thanks for reading three times!

I admire your curridge for taking more responsabiltyes at work . Its not something a person with apd would do. It shows me your willing to confront your problems and do something about them

But im wondering what is your goal long term? Keep running away from the things that couse you anxiaty or fiend a way to deal with these kinds of siuations to reduce the level of stress it has on you?

Depending on your motivation I can try and help you to fiend a way to deal with this partiqular situation. I wont judge you of think any less of you if the need to fleed is greater then life itself

Nevergive_up wrote:I admire your curridge for taking more responsabiltyes at work . Its not something a person with apd would do. It shows me your willing to confront your problems and do something about them

Well, honestly I don´t think I´m a pure avoidant, I mean that it´s possible that I haven´t AvPD but an avoidant personality style, beside trail of perfectionism. I suppouse, this makes me easier to face my problems.

But im wondering what is your goal long term? Keep running away from the things that couse you anxiaty or fiend a way to deal with these kinds of siuations to reduce the level of stress it has on you?

No, I´m trying to avoid running away. If you look at my signature, you´ll see two numbers: 7-8 ok, that means that I´m working on item 8 in the exposure therapy.

Depending on your motivation I can try and help you to fiend a way to deal with this partiqular situation. I wont judge you of think any less of you if the need to fleed is greater then life itself

Any suggestion is welcome.

What helped me is to have some rational coping statements when dealing with a stressfull sitiation ( will write more on that in an other topic)

Some of my favorites are :

- I have done this before I know I can do it again
- I’m going to be all right. My feelings are not always rational. I’m just going to relax, calm down, and everything will be all right
-Right now I have feelings I don’t like. They will be over with soon and I’ll be fine. For now, I am going to focus on doing something else around me
- Although this siutation is stressfull I will figure a way to deal with it

I can speak from experiance it really does work , you cant accept imidiate changes but stay in it long enough and your anxiaty will have no choise but to shrink

More on this can be found here: http://www.anxietynetwork.com/helpcope.html

The problem with fear is the more you repress it the bigger it gets, it can be so bad that you are paraliest with fear( this is what happend when I went on dates like soo many times ) , running away can be tempting but also wont add to a better life in the long run

Allow yourself to fail you will be a better person for it , we are all humens none of us is perfect , Striving for perfection is a battel you can not win . Having unrealistic acceptations of yourself and the world around you is a recepy for disaster , just a matter of time before it knocks you down

If you like reading I can recomend the book of Susan Jeffers, Feel the fear and do it anyway

Thank you very much for your information. You´re right. There is no another way to face the fears.
I was at the lunch. I was so nervous that I got a tic on my eye a my lips were trembling. The worst I could do was sat next to a co-worker who is as quiet as me. So I got more and more nervous. I drunk and smoked as hell and I finally went off as soon as I could.
Anyway, I was there and perhaps the next Christmas, Easter, Summer... lunch will be better.

Doesent your therapist teach you cbt?

Im might be oversimplefying things but all of our irrational fears are foults in your thinking pattern. In therapy your counselr can provide you with various tools how to deal with the siutations that couses you stress. I dont know what happend to you when you where a child , it doest matter. Its in the past now. Nothing you can do changes that history

If you where that kind that coudent stand up for her rights, thats ok. But your an adoult at the present moment . Now you DO have a choise when someone is crossing that line . If you were never tought how to do this a good therapist can guide you trew the whole proces

One of the things I heave learned threw many years of trails and error. That rejection/pain is just a part of life. No piont in running away from it couse it will only come back an hount you . You can however have the control how you deal with the whole situation . So thats what my focus is on . Spending your limitied energy on things you do not control seem so silly looking back

Other big realistation is that we can not control how poeple will think of us . Even if your the most social/charming /funny person in your aria there were always be poeple who are going to dislike you ,even then!!! You can choose how your dealing with the critick you get or someone ignorse you ect . Its now always about you, poeple dont care how your comming across. They are thinking about their own problems

At least you went there , even tho it dident go as you whised you dident spent your time hiding in the tiollet Give yourself some credit for that

Do you mind telling me what went trew your head when you were having dinner with your co workers?