so sick of feeling like this

Hi everyone,
i just stumbled on this site trying to find some help for how im feeling... i am so sick of living with avp everything is a struggle .. i am pretty isolated im at home most of the day by myself and have no friends other than my partner... at the moment im in a downward spiral again... im so sick of trying to force myself to do things in public and be around people.. my partner is very supportive but at the moment busy with work s im feeling lonely... i have a psychologist that i started to see a couple of months ago (once a month) but she offers no structured help .. which is frustrating.. i really dont know how much longer i can go on feeling like this... sorry if this is a bit depressing.. i just felt like i needed to tell someone even if it is just cyberspace...
Sarah

Hey,

It would be beneficial to see 'eye to eye' with your psychologist and to develop a goal/plan of action with her. If she has not yet set you goals to achieve, then ask her too. She's trying to help you, but you have to very much work with her too. Many of us see doctors as idiots, but the things they can offer us really can help - we just have to drop our defences and take everything what they say on board (and then apply it to ourselves).

Did you ever work?; or do you work now? Staying at home and not having somewere to go each day can be a killer. Even if you aren't up to working, you should still aim to get out for at least 30 minutes each day, just to expose yourself to the outside world.

Kevin

Hi Kevin,
Thanks for your reply .. yes i did used to work longest was for a 2 year stint.. however i herniated a couple of discs in my back and that threw me out of action.. i was also running alot back then and very active which helped to keep my anxiety etc in check i mean i still didnt socialise out of work etc but it helped me from not going over the edge... anyways its been 4 years since i hurt my back and im finally getting to a point where i can run again.. which is good.. though after a long run on the weekend i hurt my knee and i havent been able to run so i think my anxiety is not liking that..

Good point about the psychologist.. i know i should say that.. but i find it very hard to confront people i mean even to ask them a favor or whatever... but i do know i need to .. though i dont want her to think i think i know everything... cause i certainly dont lol i know nothing when it comes to beating this...
Im not working now... i am aso an artist and make money from commissions etc but i have put that on hold lately becuase i just dont feel like dealing with people...

i just feel so burnt out worrying about what everyone thinks its like this endless cycle that goes on and on.. and when i interact with someone for hours afterwards i will go over and over it.. did i say this right.. why dd they look like that.. they must be thinking etc etc.. and then it brings up conversations i have had with people for years and i go over them again..
i know its all so pointless.. but so hard to stop...
anyways i really sppreciste being ableto come here and talk..
thanks for replying
Sarah

You're welcome Sarah; and you should try to get the strength to raise whatever issue you please with your psychologist. I cannot write much now because I'm very busy and I will be busy for the next few days. So, I hope that someone else reads your post and replies. If not, then don't feel disheartened. try to respond to other peoples' posts too and get involved - you'll learn a lot.

Take care,
Kevin

I can relate to what you have said. You are lucky to have an understanding partner, however. For me personally, I don't necessarily agree that working will help your situation, because I work - and have done so for many years - and in many ways this has caused me to become even more avoidant and emotionally 'unstable.' I can see how getting out into the world can be helpful, though, but sometimes a reverse effect takes place

I tried to get on SSI, or social security disability, twice in the past, but was turned down (never appealed their decision a second time. It was too emotionally draining). Here in the U.S. it isn't that easy to get on public assistance (apparently). At least, not in the state where I live; Louisiana. I was in low-cost therapy at the time and on meds, too, but to no avail.

All I can say is the only thing we can do is hang in and hopefully things will improve with enough effort.

I don't even have Avoidant Personality and I do this.
My bf tries to bring over HIS friends and have me interact, but he's figuring out that's not really going to work.
He's got one couple I can stand to associate rather well with, but that's it.
I don't even like MY friends, and never see them anymore.
If I do, I make them come to the house, so I don't have to see more people than I planned on.

The other night I came home from work and my bf had someone over.
He hadn't told me about it.
I freaked out.
Tried to sleep, no.
So I went and got toasted at a bar by myself.
Around 9 some old high school friends popped in for karaoke.
I got trashed with them... felt fine.
The booze and familiarity of the people helped I think...

Anyway... this is an old post, but I'm glad I got to read it...