lost in fantasy

You are very right about my mother. She was always concerned with me making her look good rather than me being okay. She used to say "don't be stupid because I can't make stupid babies" or "stop daydreaming! People will think you're a freak because your eyes drift off into la la land". Yet, she was a hypocrite because she escaped her problems by doing drugs. I never felt she really loved me or even knew me. That caused me a lot of depression, but I did go to therapy for 7 years. That's how I made the progress I have made. When I was a teenager my Avoidant Personality Disorder was far more severe. I was so scared of human contact that I couldn't even cross a cross walk because I was afraid the people in the cars were looking at me and thinking I was a freak. I couldn't speak above a whisper. I felt like everyone could see right through me and see all my flaws. Whenever I did something embarrassing I would dwell on it forever and blow it way out of proportion.
Now I can speak quite well actually. I even got promoted to a supervisor position at work and was able to handle directing a team of 15 people. So, I'd have to say therapy is a great thing when you find the right therapist. It's of the utmost importance that one finds the therapist that clicks with them.
I probably have been sounding like I hate life in my past messages, but the truth is I have hope, and am eternally greatful for the help I've received and the progress I've made. I just feel like there is this one last piece of my life that I can't seem to get a handle on. I don't know how to gain the self-control to make myself stop constantly fantasizing and sleeping too much. People tell me to take it one step at a time, which is good advise, but I have trouble even making the first step. People tell me to not push myself too hard, which is also good advise, but what happens when I fail to take adequate care of myself?
I only vacuum when my carpet gets horrible. I only do laundry every 2 weeks. I will need to move soon but can't seem to pack. What happens if I just can't do it in time? I tell myself that I will absolutely do it today! Then I start to have some fantasy. I tell myself I can't start this again but I can't stop. I tell myself I'll get up in an hour, but it turns into all day. I'm so scared that I will never be able to stop and then I will loose my belongings when I have to move, my house will always look like crap so I will never be able to have someone over because I'm ashamed of my problem. Truthfully, I suppose, that's not the only emotional issue I still have but I think it's the one that interrupts my life the most. I just wish there were some magic cure you know?
I should be packing right now actually, but I'm doing all I can to avoid it. And you know what the funny thing is? I'm actually one of those people who enjoys packing, lol. So why am I avoiding it? What could my reason possible be? I'm looking froward to moving so much.......

I spent my teen years living in a fantasy world. Stayed inside and played games, I lacked motivation to just go out and do something like getting a job, if I went outside it was to walk around at night and imagine living in a different world. I was just a living zombie until one day my dad asked me if I would go talk to the air force recruiter and see if it interested me. I was like, ok. I knew whether or not it interested me I was still going to join. It was a job and I didn't have to do real interviews and such job hunting. I hate interview ugh! Well I made it 2 and a half years living in the real world, well I guess I wasn't all there I spent a lot of time getting drunk. Now that I'm out I'm slipping away from reality again and back into seclusion. blah!

I hate crosswalks with a passion!

BTW Zahara this is eatting at me. Did you ever join the Air Force? Could be an odd question, but when I was in tech school there was a girl named Zahara in my dorm building 336 TRS. I thought it was a cool name

No, I've never been in the air force, sorry. It seems there are more people named Zahara in this world than I had ever realized . I actually work in the engineering field and am now going to school to become a bio-scientist.

Are your fantasies completely unrelated to anything in reality? Because I also spend a lot of time fantasizing, and always have, but many of my fantasies are based on something in real life. Like it is common for me to fantasize about having a relationship with someone I know and like. Or about moving to a particular place.

Also, I have used this fantasy ability to write stories. Do any of you write out your fantasies as fiction?

Bindweed wrote:Are your fantasies completely unrelated to anything in reality? Because I also spend a lot of time fantasizing, and always have, but many of my fantasies are based on something in real life. Like it is common for me to fantasize about having a relationship with someone I know and like. Or about moving to a particular place.

Also, I have used this fantasy ability to write stories. Do any of you write out your fantasies as fiction?

My fantasies would be too private to write as fiction. I would feel like I was exposing myself. I too fantaize about having a relationship with someone I know and like. But I aslo like to hope space aliens will come and take me to their planet. But I fantasize about moving somewhere else real too. I'm not sure I could do it, but I think about getting a fresh start someplace.

I have big dreams and ambitions, but I'm not going anywhere at the moment. I did brilliantly at university last year (I kept to myself, I didn't socialise, party, drink etc, I was there to learn because I like learning, and eventually I want to do something worthwhile with my knowledge, make a contribution to science or art, I'm intellectually capable of it), then the next year I just got terrified and started having panic attacks. I used to have coping mechanisms to deal with what is to me a terrifying adult world, but they were illegal, and I have no desire to do anything illegal, and no psychologist or psychiatrist has come up with an alternative coping mechanism, so instead I now live in a fantasy world where I'm a little boy. It's a lonely fantasy life, but it helps me cope. It's hard enough for someone with AVPD to make friends, but it's even harder (or impossible) when you find adults frightening and simply repulsive.

I used to have fantasies but not anymore. They are mainly based on relationships. Sometimes connected with people I really knew and most of time with famous people (lol! this last sounds really narcissits). But, nothing with imagination enough to write something.
I think what I really could write a novel is with my dreams and nightmares.
I never had any fantasy in which I´m a little girl.

Heh--I have also had a lot of fantasies related to famous people, in addition to a lot of fantasies related to people I know.

I find that my degree of fantasizing varies according to stress in my life. When I am under a lot of stress and feel trapped, I find myself having escape fantasies of one sort or another, whether it is about being married to someone famous, or someone I like a lot, and living some very different life, or going off to live in the mountains in a log cabin, or even suicidal fantasies.

Well, this is a proof that we need to get a life. Anyway, my fantasies never affected me in a negative way. I never felt these fantasies disturbed my real life. I kept them in a corner.
Never had suicidial fantasies. Do you have these last very frequent?

Only when I'm feeling depressed. My fantasies are like dreams--they are concrete indicators of my feelings. So when I find myself thinking of going off to live in a cabin by myself, I realize that I am feeling life to be too complicated and overwhelming. When I am fantasizing about being with someone else, I realize I am feeling frustrated in my relationship. When I fantasize about suicide, I know I must be depressed and overstressed and need to address it.

All of these fantasies are escape valves for me, ways of releasing pent up frustration, tension, stress, or anger.