I just want it to end

Smacster wrote:It might be hard, but get yourself some uppers. Eat less/lose weight/feel great

I lost the bulk of my weight recently after undergoing major surgery on my .. asshole. It doesn't make a difference, honestly. I guess I have an eating disorder, but i'm not sure which one, all I know is that when I look in the mirror I don't see a difference in the 60lbs i've lost. But you gotta try before you throw in the towel

Edit: Honestly, I think you need to go out get a big fat bag of blow and two hookers, youll spend a G, maybe two for a few hours, but it will be the best purchase of your life

Want to lone me a grand

On a serious note though i dont think id enjoy coke, i dont even like the feeling caffeine gives me lol. Would love to try heroin though because i love pain killers. The hookers part i could go for but iv been there done that and didnt find it very enjoyable. I have no money so i basically had to scrape the bottom of the barrel so to speak Guess the saying you get what you pay for is true!!

Haha, no, no, no catfish. But yes, that saying is true

There are two types of people just like drugs - uppers and downers. I have always believed that people who liked downers were all nihilists and all wanted to die. That's because painkillers literally simulate death. That's their mechanism of action, they'll knock you down, and aren't you already knee-deep in hell already? You'll want some good coke. It'll pick you up and float you in the clouds, plus it will make you "last longer", and it will make the girl very horny.

the pain wrote:Im so ######6 tired of the shame and self pity i feel. Im a miserable negative person and i cant stand it. Im weak, i just got my meds filled and about all i can think about is how much alcohol would i have to drink to get up the nerve to swallow them all.

I've often felt exactly like you. I take Buspirone, and Atenolol, which helps me get through the 'stage fright' of life, and also to get through my job.

I, too, went for mental health treatments and instead they put me in a detox unit because I naively told them I was drinking alcohol while taking anti-depressants, which they claimed could be fatal. I went to this detox center for hardcore users for exactly ONE DAY and walked out.

Smacster wrote:Haha, no, no, no catfish. But yes, that saying is true

There are two types of people just like drugs - uppers and downers. I have always believed that people who liked downers were all nihilists and all wanted to die. That's because painkillers literally simulate death. That's their mechanism of action, they'll knock you down, and aren't you already knee-deep in hell already? You'll want some good coke. It'll pick you up and float you in the clouds, plus it will make you "last longer", and it will make the girl very horny.

I could possibly get the coke but the girl on the other hand not gonna happen. Prob only chance of that is if i win the lottery.

The girls are a completely secondary issue. First things first - you are in existential hell. You want to bust out. A quick cure.

I'm also bi-polar, so I have one advantage in that I can mentally induce a surge of adrenaline. I still haven't perfected it, and it whacks me out so I don't try, but I've almost gained control over it. But since you can't do that, desperate times call for desperate measures man. If you go to see a shrink about this, well, you know what happens.

Forgottenpast wrote:[I've often felt exactly like you. I take Buspirone, and Atenolol, which helps me get through the 'stage fright' of life, and also to get through my job.

I, too, went for mental health treatments and instead they put me in a detox unit because I naively told them I was drinking alcohol while taking anti-depressants, which they claimed could be fatal. I went to this detox center for hardcore users for exactly ONE DAY and walked out.

Who gave you the scrip for Buspirone and Atenolol? I tried some Buspirone once and didn't think it did much.

Who gave you the scrip for Buspirone and Atenolol? I tried some Buspirone once and didn't think it did much.

I used to take Xanax which they called 'legalized crack", but with Buspirone (that I got through my communtiy clinic) you have to take it over several weeks like anti-depressants to notice any results.

The Atenolol is a high blood pressure drug used as both that and a sedative!!!

the pain wrote:Just wanted to say sorry to Parador, Twister and everyone else i dont mean to brush off your advice so i hope no one takes my negativity that way. I appreciate any suggestions and kind words i really do. I am in therapy atm and my meds have been tweaked some so im just frustrated because i see this huge hole i have dug for myself and im not sure if its possible to get out. Its a slow road one of which i have been down before, these are all things i have tried in the past, so i dont have much hope short of a miracle that this time will be somehow different.

This is probably the worst iv every been, I cant even look people in the eye for fear of them seeing what a sad, shameful person i have become.

Honey, when someone feels bad, there isn´t any word that can help. So, I understand you. Ýou are the one who have to find the way out.
We only can give some information or suggestions and sometimes the only thing we can do is to tell you our own experiences.
I least, I see you laughthing in the last posts. Ok, you´re fat. Lose weight or at least visit a doctor who can make some blood tests and see if he can help you in this aspect. It´s really important to feel some kind of comfort with your look, mainly for social inepts like us.
I can tell you my experience. I win 20 kilos with some antidepressent I took. I tell my following psychiatrist that I didn´t want antidrepressants with such side effect and he gave me another medication and I finally lose this weight.