Feeling tremendous amount of pressure.....

First of all, let me start by saying that I am not 100 percent certain that I have this disorder, but it's definitely something like it. I have no friends, am 21, and spend nearly all my time sitting at home in front of the computer.

Now, I will be returning to community college this next semester. I only have one or two semesters left before I am going to transfer to a University, I'm looking for a job in accounting.

The truth is, I am frightened to death by the prospect of moving out and having to have a real career, especially where I will have to interact with people on a day to day basis. It's one thing to sit in class every day, do the work, and go home wihtout any interaction, but out in the real world I just don't have any idea how I will fare. Even at my minimum wage job delivering pizzas, i am very quiet and am completely suvservient to the management and will basically never speak up for myself.

What I really want is just to be something more isolated. I was thinking a bookkeeper, it doesn't pay near as much but it wouldn't be as stressful to me. And honestly I have never been a materialistic person. All i need is an internet connection and running water. But the real problem is my parents. they really have no idea (at least i think they don't) that I have a serious problem. They just assume I'm a late bloomer, a shy person who will one day spread his wings and fly. They expect so much out of me and think i'm so smart and destined for such great things, it hurts me deeply to think how i will affect them by aiming for such low standards. It's so severe sometimes I just wish i could run away or kill myself to spare me the hurt i will cause them and they will cause me. All i want out of life is to be left alone. sorry for this long rambling post and there not really being a point to it just had to get it out.

No need to appologize for only possibly having avpd. Your situation sounds very much like mine at your age. I ended up being unemployed for YEARS after college. I was just like you. I trained in chemistry but couldn't get a job doing it. I couldn't understand why everyone was so happy to be graduating from college. I was terrified just like you. At that time I didn't know about avpd. After about a year of unemployment I looked it up.

I worried about disappointing my father too. I'm really sorry that you are having to deal with these things. I wish I had a spell I could cast that would solve it. (I just watched the new Harry Potter film. )

You can just tell your parents that you are starting out your career as a bookkeeper. I don't see what's wrong with that. Having a full time job and earing money will be good for your self esteem. Hopefully you can use that as a ladder to make progress. Have you tried cognitave behavioral therapy? Try it. Maybe get into a social anxiety group where you can learn to deal with people better. Maybe you could get some kind of part time job on the side that will get you interacting wityh people. Or you could do some volunteer work. Hopefully that will work as desensitization and your condition will improve.

If none of this works you could always try medication. I see that as a last resort, but many people claim to have gotten lots of help from it.

welcome the change, be open to it meine freind. you cant know any of the things that are going to happen and with any luck they wil turn out good, this is a more empowering and useful way to look at your situation i think.