I'm completely cured

Being both an Eastern and Western woman, I think the ideas discussed in this thread are compatible with both worlds of thought. I also don't believe it's a case of Eastern thought being superior - even in the East, what the individual does is vital to the community, you must not let the community down - the pressures of duty are immense, and "surrendering" involves conforming to the values of your society, and basing meaning in your life upon that. It's in Eastern societies that people are most likely to spend a fortune on household appliances and machinery (in the case of farmers) just because the neighbours have it too (keeping up with the Joneses)! And the first rule you learn in Japan is to not act in a way that lets others down and consider the feelings and judgments of others - always think of the eyes around you, they say. It doesn't matter what you think, but what others think defines right and wrong actions in society. This way of thinking is actually what triggered my most monstrous phase of AvPD. So, while an over-individualistic person risks alienation from society, not having a sense of self can render you helplessly unhappy and in constant fear of disapproval or letting everyone down. I have found a balance that suits me well enough - apply the Eastern group philosophy to people I care about, but retaining my individualism so I can deal with situations where a group I do not want to be a part of tries to make me feel guilty/rejected/like I'm there to please them.

hanna wrote:Meh, logically knowing that nothing is permanent and we're all equal in death and everything doesn't really make me feel better about the fact that I have 3 friends who are all moving on without me, I have no skills or talents or passions and I'm floundering through community college while most of my class is studying in other countries and about to graduate from good colleges and universities, and I work a food service job where customers treat me like human trash because I wear a uniform. I'm only human, and it's only natural to see the world on a human time scale and want to be special during our lives and see events that occur in our lives as significant.

You tell 'em hanna! My thoughts exactly. I'm STILL is a food service job. You know how low that makes me feel?

I do get comfort from the nihilism philosophy. Unfortunately that kind of thinking also makes it that much easier to commit suicide. Not that it matters. We're all worm food in the end.

But I would STILL like to get an airport named after me. Just ONE. Even a little one.

I thought everyone's responses and ideas were really cool. forgive me if my reply today doesn't make as much sense as usual, i smoked a little bud today haha.
obviously not everyone feels they can relate. i felt the need to post, though, because it was pretty incredible to me that one conversation could change my life (thus far) and my mood everyday. i literally felt like I went from being the most unhappy person on earth (in my mind) to the most content person (again in my mind, haha. i sure hope there's others at peace with me!)

there are a few points i want to raise
-Many of you believe that we are (as Parador said) "worm food" in the end. However, the cool thing is that nobody can prove that completely (only though what we see happening to the body, not soul) can predict what happens after death. There are so many possibilities, and even things maybe we could not comprehend or imagine ourselves. Maybe we will just be worm food, but that cannot be proven and nobody knows for sure. No matter how far we get with science, no human will ever be able to define existence. That's what gives existence beauty. The only thing we know for sure is that we will not be in this state eternally, and every life stress we put upon ourselves will eventually be completely insignificant.
-This is not to say life is insignificant. I was not trying to say that every person is insignificant, but rather that we are simply here to exist and love, and many of the man-made stresses of life are completely unimportant, since "you can't take it with you". However, what is incredible is that every single person who ever breathed on earth has affected the earth in some way. Nobody has been present here without making a mark. Think about it like this: my mother treated me like $#%^, like I was nothing, and called me every name under the sun everyday growing up. As a result, her impact on another person (me) was HUGE. Now, when I have a child I will love him/her unconditionally. By showing someone love, they will likely deliver the message of love to their child, who will to their child, etc. etc. Thus, by the simple act of raising a child with love, I have impacted generations of people. And thus, I have spread love in my own way.

Loving ourselves and each other seems to be the only universal truth. That and existing. We really don't know when we will leave. I could be dead tomorrow, 10 yrs, 70 yrs, no idea. Thus, to make any impact on this earth, it is possible to think short-term. If we show love everyday, we are influencing other people. For instance, the words of Gandhi have inspired many. I would say he changed the world. Even if in 1000 yrs nobody knows his name anymore, he will have influenced many living in his time, who influenced those after them, who influenced the next generation, and so on.

In terms of goals, I've found that I am brave now in trying and attempting new things. I used to be PETRIFIED of starting new jobs. I knew I'd mess up. However, now that I'm relaxed, I can actually focus on learning a new job instead of being so socially awkward and uncomfortable that I'm not paying attention to what I am to do. As it turns out, my boss thinks I'm the best worker at this job. So give yourself a chance.
I also learned that trying new things and relearning old skills really makes me feel accomplished. Because you are challenging yourself and either body or mind, it's pretty cool to realize that you and only you have been responsible for learning this task yourself. It's awesome.

Everybody's life is as significant and insignificant as each other's. The world and existence are pretty silly. We are in no way "inferior" to others. This is impossible. Try to look beyond the superficial and see that you are a human amongst many, all just trying to live and be happy. We are avoidant because we were influenced by people who had not reached this state. They were clearly not happy, because a happy person would be loving and supportive of another. Even overcoming avoidant personality is something to be proud of. To know that you had cards stacked against you and were able to choose your life yourself and live to the fullest is really something I'm proud of myself.

Now that you are cured are you going to leave and never post here again?

@Parador, I don´t know what the hell you had tries to say in this last post?
@Margaret, I have tried to think in the same sense as you in many ocassions but then, my avoidant personality arises again. My life is a constant fight again this disorder. I have good moments in which I can deal with and face to my irrational thoughts, but I have most of moments when I feel trapped in my way of think and my constant changes of mood.
I´m happy, this thought working on you, really.
I have had many conversations where people tell me that I shouldn´t worry about what other people thinks about me or reject me, that I have lots of value.
$#%^, I´m really convinced that we have all the same value as humans, perhaps it´s my ego that raises and tells me that I have to be a value person in social relations.
I think we are what I think. If someone think in a possitive way, (s)he has the tendency to see the reality in a more realistic form. The problem is that I´m getting used to see the negative face. I´m working on that.

twistermind wrote:@Parador, I don´t know what the hell you had tries to say in this last post?
.

I just hate it when people disappear. Not that I wish Marg be avoidant all her life. But you know the old saying - misery loves company.

I'm glad you've found something that can lift you from your avoidant tendencies.

But I have to say I'm with Parador

Parador wrote:I'm reading though this and it ain't helping. I'm glad it worked for you. I felt at one time that I was well on my way to getting over avpd. But when life gets difficult the avpd rears it's ugly head.

The thing is, knowing that I'm going to die doesn't make me want to cease the day. It makes me feel upset because I know I've wasted what many would call the best years of my life (not me), and I'm going to die with nothing.

Margaret, I'm really happy for you, and I'm glad to say your post made my day as well.

It's basically what I knew as a a child but I grew up and let this knowledge be forgotten in favor of what 'other people think'.

I'm going through the hardest time in my life ever and I can assure you not many things can make me smile these days, so thank you.

"simply relax and enjoy being alive."

Yes, Why not?

I can think of a lot of excuses but not a single one that's really convincing. All of them involve other people, their ideas, society's rules and values.

For me though, right now, the question is,

"How can I simply relax and enjoy being alive when other people actively try to stop me from doing that?"

Wow, you and I think so much alike. With AvPD, Ive been put in a unique position of almost complete isolation and introspection, and this has allowed me to see how absolutely trivial everything about life is. The entire purpose of our existance is to continue our existance, thus all these things are superficial and dont really matter. All life really is is an experience, and we are the ones who choose how we want to experience it.

At first I found this point of veiw to be incredibly liberating, AvPD didnt control me, I controlled it. I felt that I finally had the piece of mind to take my life where I wanted to, to experience it the way I wanted to. But then i stepped back into society, and became instantly engrossed by it, saturated in it, and my head came crashing back down to earth.

I am at last an inferior being, an ugly being, a pathetic being. I often wonder if this life of mine is worth experiencing.

swift. wrote:But then i stepped back into society, and became instantly engrossed by it, saturated in it, and my head came crashing back down to earth.

this is exactly the thing that afflicts me.
but to think of it,why is it a feeling of crashing back?
why a feeling of coming down?

was it just a momentary high? a moment of flying in the clouds?
when i felt the triviality of my being,and of everything else,was it just a drug that had its effect which after some time died down?
i would bang my head on the wall to know why can i not always have this feeling.why,after some time,i get sucked up by this quick sand,again and again.maybe,my realization is not sincere.but then,is it necessary that if i have realized the triviality of my existence,i would stop being an arsehole,and be free,and on a permanent high.is anything permanent.
maybe,i have to live with this all my life.but yes,those moments,and they can strike any time,when i feel this nothingness,oh heck,and if there are people around me who too have felt it,it is the most wonderful experience.
maybe it's just that most people i come across drag me to the opposite of this.and i let myself be dragged.
###$,i have rambled a lot.