Do we want everything around us perfect?

We constantly focus on the "image" of how we want people to see us because we're afraid of people seeing us the way we see ourselves. We don't want people to see our "truth".

Thats why I think another problem people with AVP have is perfectionism. We want everything as perfect as possible around us because we've got a messed up idea that it will make us happy, or at least give other people the illusion that we're happy.

Example, if you're looking for a GF or BF do you set your standards so high that its almost impossible to meet? Im thinking that if the person in our mind we think is perfect accepts us then we will feel better about ourselves, and it will make it easier for us to accept ourselves which improves our self esteem.

What about a great car? Since we're so concerned about what other people think of us Im pretty sure people with AVP try to find a good car to make themselves look good. I know I do.

I saw a study 10 years ago that claimed people who owned German cars got more sex. I rented a Jetta once. It didn't seem to do any good. I like the car I have now - a sporty little Honda coupe (with a spoiler!) I guess it's perfect enough.

As for the gf hunt. I'm not sure anymore. Was I looking for perfection? I can't even remember. I remember one girl who seemed interested in me so many years ago. Her mom weighed 300 pounds. I was thinking this girl is going to weigh 300 someday. That was a big turn-off. Is that the kind of thing you're talking about?

Parador wrote:Her mom weighed 300 pounds. I was thinking this girl is going to weigh 300 someday.

The old adage "check out her mom because that's going to be her someday". Sometimes true, sometimes not. Might instead turn out like her dad, which could be good or maybe even worse! I bet women do the same thing with us. Wouldn't be good for me though because I'm nothing like my dad at all. I'm just like my mom.


Anyway, I don't know if we're all perfectionist in some way but you bring up some good points. I suppose it might be possible that some of us set high standards in the relationship department so that can insure that we'll be rejected as a way of saying to ourselves "Ha! I was right! People do suck!" Or maybe we reject people first because we're convinced they'll do the same to us anyway, as in saying someone's not good enough for us, even though they probably would have been.

Superman23 wrote:We constantly focus on the "image" of how we want people to see us because we're afraid of people seeing us the way we see ourselves. We don't want people to see our "truth".

Thats why I think another problem people with AVP have is perfectionism. We want everything as perfect as possible around us because we've got a messed up idea that it will make us happy, or at least give other people the illusion that we're happy.

Example, if you're looking for a GF or BF do you set your standards so high that its almost impossible to meet? Im thinking that if the person in our mind we think is perfect accepts us then we will feel better about ourselves, and it will make it easier for us to accept ourselves which improves our self esteem.

What about a great car? Since we're so concerned about what other people think of us Im pretty sure people with AVP try to find a good car to make themselves look good. I know I do.

I agree with you. My second surname is perfectionism. But I think it is sometimes due to overcome or overtake my low self- steem rather than prove people I´m better.

I'm a perfectionist with some things, mainly my hobbies. But nothing else. My room isn't clean, my grades aren't perfect, and I don't work very hard.

I think I used to have high standards for a girlfriend. I was always looking for a long term relationship, not just a fling. I was kinda picky, but I'm not going to settle for someone I don't love. But, I've completely given up on finding love.