Avoidant Dating Service?

I would think that the best match for me in terms of a romantic relationship would be a woman who has similar problems as me, and I think it's true that like-minded people attract. It's too difficult to get into a normal relationship when I've got nothing going for myself socially and I don't like what appears to be the only alternative. Are people with problems similar to mine really supposed to lone-wolf it for the rest of their lives, and just except the outcome, or can we, as a collective, distancing ourselves only by means of a firewall, develop ways to get around this limitation, which seems to be all too inherent in our character. There should be an AvPD / social outcast / basically loser (and I mean that in only the nicest way) dating site.

Now I know how it sounds, and I know what you're thinking. Same basic problems, just a different setting, but think about it just for a second, just like the openness here, that's where anonymity could come into play, allowing us all to be free, and open to a fault.

And maybe after ten years of flirting with someone, you might actually just meet them face to face. (just kidding)

There are a few mental health dating sites out there.
None of them seem very good. Under subscribed with profiles not updated or nor visited for months or in some cases years.

[WARNING ANGRY RANT AHEAD!!!]

Internet dating is a waste of time IMO. I was a member of one particular (regular) dating site for a few months.
It seems that the women on there are looking for the best of the best. Its like a supermarket, no one wants damaged goods.

After looking at a few of the guys profiles to get ideas on how the write mine, it seemed all I had to do to not come over as a complete dick was have a picture of me wearing a shirt, and type some nice stuff about me with good grammar and no spelling mistakes. The amount of guys pictured bare chested that were border line retarded was astonishing. I though I had a good chance of getting some attention.

I threw myself in at the deep end and would contact 50 women each week (playing the numbers game) I'd email the ones I liked more and just lets the others know I was interested.

On average I would get about 7 profile views, and maybe 3-4 responses of no thank you.

The times a girl would reply in the affirmative (very rare) I'd chat through email, then after maybe 7-8 emails I would ask if they'd like to meet for a drink.
That is when the replys would stop.

I'm not sure if my technique is wrong, or if just repluse women.
Anyway I gave up because even though I was expecting it, the rejection was getting too much, and I was getting really upset.
I have to say it has totally ruined what self esstem I did have, and confirmed my fears that I am the uglyist man alive in the world today.

yea i sort of agree with the online dating thing, it just seems so rude.. i used to be on a site a looong time ago that wasnt just soley dating, it was kind of a pre myspace site so it was more chatting and making freinds sort of thing.. anyway that was really cool i still talk to some people i met off that one. my mate showed me one he just signed up for recently and it just seems like a supermarket like you said.. seems like these people are never going to find someone with their expectations. i wouldnt even put a picture on there, and i sent 1 message to a girl who as far as i can see just deleted the message and didnt even read it or go on my profile. unless shes an extremely stuck up bitch she would of talked to me in real life so i thought that was pretty rude and the whole thing was pretty pointless, better off sticking to real life, less confusing! someone did message me interested in sex though hahaha, she rang up my phone but she didnt want to send a photo so im guessing she was really ugly.

I have no experience in this kind of sites. So I´m based on Bright Eyes and Ultimate Krang experiences.
I have meet people in internet via forums (politics, English-Spanish interchanging, a Hispanic social phobia forum...) I think is a good way to start with a friendship.
If you are looking for another avoidant, it could be more difficult. A girl I meet in a social phibia forum talked me that she likes a guy but that she never was able to meet him face to face.
I don´t know, friend but be careful if you are too sensitive.

Bright eyes wrote:There are a few mental health dating sites out there.
None of them seem very good. Under subscribed with profiles not updated or nor visited for months or in some cases years.

[WARNING ANGRY RANT AHEAD!!!]

Internet dating is a waste of time IMO. I was a member of one particular (regular) dating site for a few months.
It seems that the women on there are looking for the best of the best. Its like a supermarket, no one wants damaged goods.

After looking at a few of the guys profiles to get ideas on how the write mine, it seemed all I had to do to not come over as a complete dick was have a picture of me wearing a shirt, and type some nice stuff about me with good grammar and no spelling mistakes. The amount of guys pictured bare chested that were border line retarded was astonishing. I though I had a good chance of getting some attention.

I threw myself in at the deep end and would contact 50 women each week (playing the numbers game) I'd email the ones I liked more and just lets the others know I was interested.

On average I would get about 7 profile views, and maybe 3-4 responses of no thank you.

The times a girl would reply in the affirmative (very rare) I'd chat through email, then after maybe 7-8 emails I would ask if they'd like to meet for a drink.
That is when the replys would stop.

I'm not sure if my technique is wrong, or if just repluse women.
Anyway I gave up because even though I was expecting it, the rejection was getting too much, and I was getting really upset.
I have to say it has totally ruined what self esstem I did have, and confirmed my fears that I am the uglyist man alive in the world today.

That's pretty much the way it is. I like to post fake profiles on the free sites to have fun with all the losers on there. Women REALLY gor for the good looking jerks. I had this Chadster character who was INCREDIBLY rude and obnoxious. Women LOVED him. Men are no better on there. many are married or in a relationship. They're just looking for a little side action. Women learn to reject guys for the smallest little lie. But even most of the woman lie about their age. Everyone is looking for someone younger so they say they're 5-10 years younger. It can be ridiculous - you see pics of women who are obviously 40-45 saying they are 32. The most common lie by far is weight. Woman who are 50 pounds overweight have only pics of their face and say "a few extra pounds" on the profile.

Lots of people are such jerks that they can't get anyone in the real world. So they go online. It's easier to fool someone online into thinking you are some kind of decent person.

There is a site for people with psch problems. No Longer Lonely. I was in there for a while. Chatted with a woman from 250 miles away for a while. She just disappeared. I never got to meet her or even talk to her.

I have an active profile on a dating site, and I get a fair amount of interest.

For me the problem, maybe because I'm in the U.K., is that there are so few users in my area that the chances of finding someone I really like are basically nil. I'm incredibly picky (more as relates to personality than looks). So I either send a few messages back and forth with people I could feasibly meet, but have no major interest in -- this is futile. Or I fall really hard for a person, but am aware that I'll probably never meet that person in real life -- this is futile in a more heart-breaking sense, and generally encourages me to cease contact.

So "futility" is kind of the watch-word...

occidental_death wrote:I have an active profile on a dating site, and I get a fair amount of interest.

For me the problem, maybe because I'm in the U.K., is that there are so few users in my area that the chances of finding someone I really like are basically nil. I'm incredibly picky (more as relates to personality than looks). So I either send a few messages back and forth with people I could feasibly meet, but have no major interest in -- this is futile. Or I fall really hard for a person, but am aware that I'll probably never meet that person in real life -- this is futile in a more heart-breaking sense, and generally encourages me to cease contact.

So "futility" is kind of the watch-word...

Could I ask if you're a boy or a girl?
I think girls generally get more attention on those kind of sites.

I'm a boy.

I think that what you're saying is definitely true in general, though.

occidental_death wrote:I have an active profile on a dating site, and I get a fair amount of interest.

I'm incredibly picky

See, I've had a profile on one site for over 18 months now. Not active for anywhere near that amount of time however.
In all that time I have not been contacted by one single person (apart form scammers), and those that did reply to me when I contacted them were I suspect, like you said, not really interested.

It would be lovely to be able to be "increadibly picky" but the fact is I'm never going to find somebody unless I start scrapping the bottom of the barrel.
Some probably don't appreciate the pain, hurt and anger I'm trying to convay.
The sheer frustration, torment, ridicule and humiliation I've experianced almost everyday since I became self aware in my early teens.
The constant disapointment I've recieved from the internet dating scene has really been the last straw. And I really don't give a ###$ anymore. I could so easily just throw it all away as nothing seems to matter.
I've cut myself off from all my friends and I'm isolating myself from my family. I would rather be bored and lonely than rejected and humiliated.

Being able to pick and choose is a ######6 fantasy for a guy like me. A dream with no hope of ever coming true.
I hope those in the position to do so can appreciate what they have.

I know where you're at. I'm in a similar situation. The only real chance I can see of getting with someone is through common placement, with somebody I meet in a JC class, but even then, it's awkward when you get rejected at the beginning of a semester, and you have to see that person every class until the end of the semester.

There are a lack of options out there, especially for men in this situation, but getting with girls you're not interested in just doesn't work. I mean every once in a while you might be surprised, having never actually seen the quality of who a person really is, but that's an idealized take, and in most cases, it's just not worth it.