Does it seem ridiculous?

This APD thing. I think I'm more likely to have an avoident style than a PD.

It strikes me that I'm just being silly and I'm wallowing in self pity.
Using APD or searching out reasons why I can't become involed socially. Trying to pin it on some psychological aspect instead of getting out there and getting involved.

I keep telling myself there is no reason to worry, and what if people don't like me? Or say something nasty to me?
Plenty of people don't like me and it doesn't bother me one bit because I don't like them either.
I've even told people to go ***k themselves and been in fights because of this. Okay I was drinking at the time.

Do you ever get the feeling you should just man up, take it on the chin, and get on with it?

I would love to be able to take my own advice, but I just can't get over this stupid fear of other people and the way they view me. I want out. I want to live my life without fear of being rejected, or at least not caring if I am.

If I could get over this shyness.........

Hi,

Discovering AvPD can be a positive thing for you and don't feel guilty attributing your own personality to it. If you can accept that you have AvPD, then you can use that as a platform to 'improve' yourself. However, I first think that you should try to be comfortable with who you really are, and to accept this person. I mean, are you trying to be someone that you are not, or never will be? I used to always want to be the lifeblood of every social situation / party, but I had to accept that it would neve happen - that person simply is not me.

Kevin

Thanks Kevin.

I think I probably am trying to be someone I'm not.
I always knew I have never quite fit in. Speaking to people this seems to be a very common feeling. So does being unpopular at school, being less than happy with your apperance, and being shy around strangers.
I always thought of myself as normal just a little bit more shy around new people than the average person.

When I'm with close friends and family I can be the life and soul of the party. I can be very confident in these situations. Even more so when mixed with alcohol.
I guess I'd like to extend that to the rest of my life. Obiviously I can't go everywhere with all of my closest friends and drunk.

I guess the first step is to admit I have avoident and anxiety issues. The second step would be to find help.
Anyone got any advice on either of those two topics?

Hi,

I don't trust psychologist. People who are paid to help you will want to appear to help you, but not actually help you. Like the computer technicians who fix your computer and plant some virus so it will malfunction at a later date (and give them more work and money). Don't tell me that viruses can't affect hardware. That's what they want you to believe.

If a self help book actually worked, then the business would collapse, wouldn't it? That said, reading self help stuff doesn't hurt, this was helpful:

http://books.google.com/books?id=f-3Ba- ... 1#PPA56,M1

Reading The Bible helps me (maybe not for everyone). I got a mini version with just the new testament and psalms. As long as you're not afraid of looking stupid ("this is just like santa claus ... only more far fetched") then it works on you to become a better person. You have to read it slowly. I'm not saying I'm a nice person (far from it) but I'm better than I was.

What does this have to do with being more sociable? If you think about God then you are more likely to think about other people. I think it helps coming up with a friendly response. I've only applied it at work - haven't tried social situation. Also accepting that you're a sinner (we all are, especially you Parador ) means you're comfortable with not achieving high standards (such as I have to be entertaining and everyone must like me).

I like to read my Bible in front of the electric heater turned on full to remind me of Hell. Really puts things like AvPD in perspective.

Bright eyes wrote:Thanks Kevin.

I think I probably am trying to be someone I'm not.
I always knew I have never quite fit in. Speaking to people this seems to be a very common feeling. So does being unpopular at school, being less than happy with your apperance, and being shy around strangers.
I always thought of myself as normal just a little bit more shy around new people than the average person.

When I'm with close friends and family I can be the life and soul of the party. I can be very confident in these situations. Even more so when mixed with alcohol.
I guess I'd like to extend that to the rest of my life. Obiviously I can't go everywhere with all of my closest friends and drunk.

I guess the first step is to admit I have avoident and anxiety issues. The second step would be to find help.
Anyone got any advice on either of those two topics?

You're welcome. Things that helped me out were just telling myself that I am going to be an authoritative/confidant person from now on. If you keep saying this to yourself, then it will become true. For example, I used to be the guy to do everthing last (such as going last in a presentation at college), but now I'm always first. I dive head-first into everything, and it helps.

[quote="Bright eyes"]This APD thing. I think I'm more likely to have an avoident style than a PD.

quote]

Personality disorders are not considered mental illnesses anyway. Are you aware of that? They are not considered axis I disorders, only axis II. You cannot get disability for having a pd.

...

blob wrote:Also accepting that you're a sinner (we all are, especially you Parador ) means you're comfortable with not achieving high standards (such as I have to be entertaining and everyone must like me).

I'd like to think that you meant this in a joking manner, but it seems like an excessively teasing comment. Parador's solution is not for everyone, but that's no reason to single him out just because he isn't afraid to talk about socially unacceptable things in a relatively safe environment. As you said, we're all sinners, and we all do things that society as a whole tells us are bad. We just haven't all openly admitted to these misdeeds.

And accepting that you are a sinner doesn't by any means lead to a lessening of standards. They might tend to go together, but... it seems like accepting yourself for who you are is the root of both understandings: that you are not perfect, and that you do not need to be.

But yeah, pardon me if I'm just being a big, oversensitive stick in the mud.

Parador]Personality disorders are not considered mental illnesses anyway. Are you aware of that? They are not considered axis I disorders, only axis II. You cannot get disability for having a pd.[/quote]

For all intents and purposes I'm a healthy 24 year old, with a steady job, good home life and small social circle.
I'm not looking for disability allowance and would feel guilty taking it.
I wouldn't mind being able to park in the disabled places though.

[quote="blob wrote:I like to read my Bible in front of the electric heater turned on full to remind me of Hell. Really puts things like AvPD in perspective.

That was kind of the point of the post, not using an electric heater to simulate hell but having a perspective on this AvPD thing.
Relative to other things going on in the world, and other parts of my life it seems silly I should feel this way.
Why do social situations cause me so much anguish?
I should just be able to say " I am going to be an authoritative/confidant person from now on".
No matter how much I tell myself these things I can not shift this feeling of being inadequate.

I can see both sides of the argument for myself, and I've got every reason to be a confident, happy young man.
The only thing holding me back is this inabilty to communicate effectively and fear of rejection. All of which I know is completely unfounded and something I should be more than capable of, but I just can't.