How do you get through life with AVPD?

I worry about my future all the time but keep putting it off to the back of my mind. It's like a learned avoidant mechanism to deal with anxiety that ###$ us over in pretty much all aspects of life - AVOID AT ALL COSTS. But in reality, fear does not exist and is not meant to be avoided.

I think I also have DPD, along with severe procrastination and motivation issues that seem insurmountable. I'm failing University and will have to quit soon (so scared to tell my parents, relatives and friends, since I was stupid and told them I've been doing well) because I avoided around half or more of my classes and decided that playing computer games and smoking weed is a better way to use my time. Soon I'm going to have pretty much no job experience (only had 1 job ever and it was with someone I depended on) and will owe thousands of dollars in University fees.

How on earth does someone with AVPD and/or similar problems (I'm assuming people here are in a similar situation to me) get through life? It feels like I'm going to be pretty much lonely, jobless, living at home for like 30 more years off government welfare, wait till my parents die, take what they leave me, live it up and then die myself. I've read up extensively on AVPD and treatment for it (haven't tried prescription drugs, not sure if I want to anyway since they will probably end up making me worse in the end with withdrawal symptoms), I try CBT at every opportunity in my social interactions (granted there aren't many, a few a week) and I have not noticed any significant changes in my attitude or anxiety.

It actually feels like AVPD is FOR LIFE and we got ######6 screwed over. Badly. I mean, how the hell are we expected to change our entire personality which has been conditioned for so many years like anticipatory anxiety, negative thinking patterns, etc - these things we are SO used to that it seems like such a monumental effort to change. I'm not saying it's impossible because treatment is proven to help people, but I don't think I have it in me to change with all the self-esteem and self-worth issues that are intrinsic with this #######4 personality disorder. Anyone else feel the same?

Oh, man, I'm basically just like you! I know exactly how you feel.

I was in college, but quit a couple years back for similar reasons. There was a speech class that I was required to take, but this lousy disorder made it impossible. I didn't even make it through the first night. Giving a ten minute speech every class period was just not something I could handle at the time(probably still couldn't).

I wouldn't worry about the whole lack of job experience though. I'm 21, turning 22 in three months, and I got my first job four weeks ago without much trouble. I did have to apply at seven or eight places before I got an interview, but I think that's kind of expected now with the rising unemployment numbers, but don't give up! I was a total wreck when I went in for my interview. Twitchy, stuttering, couldn't really look the guy in the eyes, but I managed to get the job! As long as you go in looking nice and are polite, you'll be just fine!

Having this job has really helped me over the past month. It's raised my self esteem and I don't feel like the total looser I was before. FYI, for the past four years I've been doing nothing but playing World of Warcraft and watching anime lol. Even though I'm still severely avoidant, working has helped me break out of my shell a little bit. I am at least able to carry a conversation with the two people I work directly with, though my conversations are short and rather awkward lol. I'm working as an overnight stocker at walmart. There are very few people that I need to deal with, so maybe you could give this type of work a shot.

I agree that APD is a lifelong problem, but I think a lot of the symptoms can be lessened to an extent. Everyone thinks about their future. Heck, I worry about it all the time. All I can say is go out there and give it a shot. Sitting around and moping did not help me at all. Looking at your furture decades down the road can be extremely daunting, I know. I did that a lot over the past few years. All it did was make me very depressed. Just take small steps and work from there. Getting a job was my first step. I'm hoping this job will get me to a point where I can get back into college. I really believe it can be done.

I had trouble in my fist two years of college, but after that I learned how to handle it and did much better. I found clasees where i could do the work on my own. I could just go to class and go home without too much interaction. I did have to do a lab with a partner and that could be tough because the guy got all stuck-up and arrogant after the proffessor gave him a job. Thinking back on that, it was a pretty nasty situation. But I made it through. I also had to give a short lecture about a lab in my junior year. That was very difficult, but I was able to suck it up and do it.

How much weed do you smoke? It can cause problems with memory and motivation. I knew a guy who smoked far too much. He was a pretty smart guy, but his memory went downhill. He also became very laid back and umotivated. I found out that he got fired from a job because of that. You probably use it to relax. Is there any other way you can unwind? I found that vigorous exercise helped me a lot.

Have you looked into CBT (cognitave behavioral therapy)?

Parador wrote:How much weed do you smoke? It can cause problems with memory and motivation. I knew a guy who smoked far too much. He was a pretty smart guy, but his memory went downhill. He also became very laid back and umotivated. I found out that he got fired from a job because of that. You probably use it to relax. Is there any other way you can unwind? I found that vigorous exercise helped me a lot.

When I worked (2 years ago), I never had trouble with motivation, even though every day after work I would smoke weed with my friend. It was a temporary job that lasted 3 months and I went 5 days a week, 8 hours a day.

Since then I've smoked approximately 3-5 days a week, for at least a few hours, sometimes up to 12 hours. So I'm definitely addicted, in fact I am going through marijuana withdrawal at the moment (haven't smoked for 4 days). I am planning on not smoking until the withdrawal symptoms go away (should be a few weeks) but I plan on smoking again after on a habitual basis without getting addicted again.

I also notice that I have trouble dedicating myself to something. I told myself I would do exercises for around 30 minutes a day, but I actually do it for 5 minutes.

Plus I am hopelessly addicted to the internet and seem to have no desire to fix that. I figure that there's very little else to do as an avoidant.

Parador wrote:Have you looked into CBT (cognitave behavioral therapy)?

Yes, read my first post:

"I try CBT at every opportunity in my social interactions (granted there aren't many, a few a week) and I have not noticed any significant changes in my attitude or anxiety."

And I have been using CBT for a bit less than a year.

skooby wrote:Oh, man, I'm basically just like you! I know exactly how you feel.

I was in college, but quit a couple years back for similar reasons. There was a speech class that I was required to take, but this lousy disorder made it impossible. I didn't even make it through the first night. Giving a ten minute speech every class period was just not something I could handle at the time(probably still couldn't).

I wouldn't worry about the whole lack of job experience though. I'm 21, turning 22 in three months, and I got my first job four weeks ago without much trouble. I did have to apply at seven or eight places before I got an interview, but I think that's kind of expected now with the rising unemployment numbers, but don't give up! I was a total wreck when I went in for my interview. Twitchy, stuttering, couldn't really look the guy in the eyes, but I managed to get the job! As long as you go in looking nice and are polite, you'll be just fine!

Having this job has really helped me over the past month. It's raised my self esteem and I don't feel like the total looser I was before. FYI, for the past four years I've been doing nothing but playing World of Warcraft and watching anime lol. Even though I'm still severely avoidant, working has helped me break out of my shell a little bit. I am at least able to carry a conversation with the two people I work directly with, though my conversations are short and rather awkward lol. I'm working as an overnight stocker at walmart. There are very few people that I need to deal with, so maybe you could give this type of work a shot.

I agree that APD is a lifelong problem, but I think a lot of the symptoms can be lessened to an extent. Everyone thinks about their future. Heck, I worry about it all the time. All I can say is go out there and give it a shot. Sitting around and moping did not help me at all. Looking at your furture decades down the road can be extremely daunting, I know. I did that a lot over the past few years. All it did was make me very depressed. Just take small steps and work from there. Getting a job was my first step. I'm hoping this job will get me to a point where I can get back into college. I really believe it can be done.

i applied for a similar job but i ended up getting a job on the shop floor, which i really thought i wouldnt be able to do (this seems like a silly idea now) but its easy! i think its made me come out of my shell a bit to and well, i have to deal with people all day so ive been forced to learn some things about interacting with people i dont think i would of learnt otherwise. im still learning alot and struggling on most days though! well done though, its great when we can surpise ourselfs!

asphyx wrote:

Parador wrote:How much weed do you smoke? It can cause problems with memory and motivation. I knew a guy who smoked far too much. He was a pretty smart guy, but his memory went downhill. He also became very laid back and umotivated. I found out that he got fired from a job because of that. You probably use it to relax. Is there any other way you can unwind? I found that vigorous exercise helped me a lot.

When I worked (2 years ago), I never had trouble with motivation, even though every day after work I would smoke weed with my friend. It was a temporary job that lasted 3 months and I went 5 days a week, 8 hours a day.

Since then I've smoked approximately 3-5 days a week, for at least a few hours, sometimes up to 12 hours. So I'm definitely addicted, in fact I am going through marijuana withdrawal at the moment (haven't smoked for 4 days). I am planning on not smoking until the withdrawal symptoms go away (should be a few weeks) but I plan on smoking again after on a habitual basis without getting addicted again.

I also notice that I have trouble dedicating myself to something. I told myself I would do exercises for around 30 minutes a day, but I actually do it for 5 minutes.

Plus I am hopelessly addicted to the internet and seem to have no desire to fix that. I figure that there's very little else to do as an avoidant.

Parador wrote:Have you looked into CBT (cognitave behavioral therapy)?

Yes, read my first post:

"I try CBT at every opportunity in my social interactions (granted there aren't many, a few a week) and I have not noticed any significant changes in my attitude or anxiety."

And I have been using CBT for a bit less than a year.

Sorry I missed the CBT. I was focusing on the pot. Getting off it would be a good start. You should probably also limit time online. Maybe you could do volunteer work at a local hospital. That would be a way to get yourself out and about. You wouldn't have to work too many hours either so it wouldn't overwhelm you.

I, like you, flunked out of Uni.

I felt I really couldn't cope. I felt sure the people on the course I was studying didn't like me. The people in my house didn't like me etc.
I'm sure it was all in my head and if I had been friendly with them they would have been more likely to accept me.
But that is a lot easier said than done.

I left after the first year, had a year off, then went back and left again.
I spent the next two summers traveling around Asia and the middle east. This helped me a lot with avoidance issues. If you're lost or need help you don't have a choice, you have to communicate. We drove both times so needed to get the car fixed often or got lost etc.

I've been working a job for 18 months now, but have decided to leave and go back to college and get a degree (different to before) I'm be starting in october.
I know I will have problems with fitting in, or getting to know people. But I think I'm in a better position to do so now.
Also I will be living with my parents which will make a huge difference.

So remember;
You are not a failure.
Many people could never have got themselves to the position you are in, in the first place.
Try to remember that a degree isn't everything. Most people don't have them. People with them usually end up doing something completely different to their degree anyway.

You will find a job, and it will be fine, if not better.
I've had jobs I hate and jobs I can cope with, some I've even enjoyed.
The ones I've enjoyed were the one where I had friends. I try to attach myself to the annoying chatty person. I find they're likely to approach you and tend to be easy to talk to. They will introduce you to everyone and I find I'm more likely to participate in this way.
It will make you a stronger person however it turns out.

Give it time for your feelings to heal and consider what course you want to take in life.
When I left Uni the first time I never thought I would go back. The second time I promised I would never go back into education. But I'm going back to do something I really love (motorsport engineering BTW. I want to build race car engines for a living ).

Never pay back student loans. Pay minimum interest payments only

Alcohol is a more social drug. Maybe you could find a drinking buddy instead of a smoking buddy?