Does everyone here know WHY they avoid people?

In response to your points, trident, I want to say that you just have not found people who share the same outlook on life as you. When you find them, then you will want to get to know them better (and vice-versa). Your time in this forum should be evidence of that.

Kevin

Agreed. I just read a comment in the phone-torture-topic, the guy who had a friend who would drive 60 miles (or something) if he didn't pick up the phone for a few days, and really hated when that happened.

My initial reaction was "how nice friend, I would love it if that was my friend!". Then I realized that I have limited my social circle to the ones that do have that same outlook on life as me, and that I do want to talk to (not on the phone mind you) and see more often. Then I thought about everyone else that are not these few friends, and thought about any of them turning up uninvited. All I could think was "uurgh! "

My father was never really able to communicate to me about what was going on and give me an effective co-oping strategy. Like so many other problems, he choose the avoidant non-solution: "do nothing, don't discuss it and hope the problem goes away on its own

Yeah, same here, this really should be written on our family crest.

VenusWillendorf wrote:Agreed. I just read a comment in the phone-torture-topic, the guy who had a friend who would drive 60 miles (or something) if he didn't pick up the phone for a few days, and really hated when that happened.

My initial reaction was "how nice friend, I would love it if that was my friend!". Then I realized that I have limited my social circle to the ones that do have that same outlook on life as me, and that I do want to talk to (not on the phone mind you) and see more often. Then I thought about everyone else that are not these few friends, and thought about any of them turning up uninvited. All I could think was "uurgh! "

I'm sorry. I didn't meant to bring you down with that post.

JohnnyBlaze wrote:

VenusWillendorf wrote:Agreed. I just read a comment in the phone-torture-topic, the guy who had a friend who would drive 60 miles (or something) if he didn't pick up the phone for a few days, and really hated when that happened.

My initial reaction was "how nice friend, I would love it if that was my friend!". Then I realized that I have limited my social circle to the ones that do have that same outlook on life as me, and that I do want to talk to (not on the phone mind you) and see more often. Then I thought about everyone else that are not these few friends, and thought about any of them turning up uninvited. All I could think was "uurgh! "

I'm sorry. I didn't meant to bring you down with that post.

Oh no, I need to remember that there actually is a whole world out there. And my point was that there is friends out there for any avie, that you would actually want to see (even though it may scare you to death). I'm happy that I have shut out my "urgh"-acquaintances to the point where I don't even think about them.

I am a bit of a shyster myself and I find it hard to take rejections but sometimes, I think this issue is hereditary but a lot of this also stems from environmental and social factors eg. like having a NPD father and a mother who simply bends towards his bidding without a word. The society you live in also has a bearing on the way you eventually conduct yourself.

My son for instance is an introvert who does not quite like to be told, is afraid of making new friends and takes an advice like a complaint. But I have a daughter who is completely opposite - is social, talkative and very friendly. We are working on our son but the girl is very much on her own. She does not mind people looking at her at all.

You could have siblings who are completely different from you. Just take things one step at a time. I have to as well. Do not let bad relationships damage your better self and go to group meets where there are people like you who can talk and suggest solutions.

To answer the original question, all i can come up with that has some substance is because i'm used to it.

Just seems easier. I force myself not to avoid people most of the time but often it just feels like too much of a hassle, having to worry about how it will go, interpreting there body language and all that stuff.

It doesn't feel like foreshadowing rejection to me but I suppose it's part of it.

I got Millon's new book Disorders of Personality last night. He definitely seems to lean toward a biological explanation of things, emphasizing our over-monitoring of the environment and possible overactive "fear centers" in the nervous system.

(Looks to be an excellent book so far. Can't recommend it highly enough. One interesting thing I did not know before is that according to Millon himself, he was the one who first coined the term "avoidant personality" back in 1969.)

How extensive is the chapter on AvPD? I'm thinking of ordering the book but it's very expensive, at least here in europe.