Reinforcing avoidant tendencies

by **twistermind** » Thu May 07, 2009 12:25 am

Parador, this is not a girlfriend. The guy doesn´t want a hooker for now.
I´m glad you enjoy in this way. It´s the best solution for a loner, how you described yourself, but not for this guy.
Many avoidants are not loners, many of us want to interact with people and get a partner.
I´ll tell you that having a relationship is sometimes a problem for people in general, nothing to say for avoidants. It´s also worse to manage with an stable relationship.
I have had many problems in 8 years of relationship, but mainly because I´m an avoidant. I promise you that there are many possitive points, as well.

ultimate_krang wrote:1. she was shy herself(you said so) and was to nervous to show up- if this happened you can easily contact her and patch things up, she might be to shy to appoligise if she is embarresed.
2. she either forgot about it or couldnt tell you that she didnt want to go out with you to your face, and then didnt have the guts to appologise. - if this happened then you saved yourself the trouble of going on a date with her, anyone who would do this obviously isnt a very nice person and you dont wanna be going out with someone like that.
3. it could be something you did or the way you acted when you asked her out, maybe you were really nervous and you may of made her feel uncomftable and it may of put her off a date with you. if this is what happened you can just see it as something you can improve on.

Or 4: Something else came up, and she gave it priority. It's happened to me a few times on team final projects; I'm sure the attitude can extend to dates, as well.

Sorry, somebody has to play the pessimist.

I doubt she's an avoidant herself. Standing someone up seems like it would invite a far more negative response by the other party than having the date go poorly.

Reinforcing avoidant tendencies

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