Reinforcing avoidant tendencies

GZ, if she's not answering her phone it may very well simply be the "easy" way to let someone down that I mentioned in my previous post (I mean it is easier on them, not on the person who is being stood up). If you know her well and talk to her regularly, it could be a different story, and in that case you'd be a far better judge of what it could be than we could.

Don't worry, I will make no effort to pursue her any further. Unless she comes up to me with a good explanation, otherwise I am a very unforgiving person. The thing that bothered me most wasn't her, just the fact that this happens every time, and it's starting to get old.

GZ01 wrote:Don't worry, I will make no effort to pursue her any further. Unless she comes up to me with a good explanation, otherwise I am a very unforgiving person. The thing that bothered me most wasn't her, just the fact that this happens every time, and it's starting to get old.

Do you see her frequently? If so, you could say that you didn´t like her behaviour and perhaps she will give you an explanation.
Perhaps, she´s another avoidant and she is too embarrased to answer the phone. Or perhaps, she is not the right one for you.

Sorry and good luck!

GZ01 wrote:

Asuka wrote:My advice,go for a fellow introvert with a few self esteem issues and who is'nt obsessed with popularity.

The thing is, that's what she's like. She gave me every indication she liked me, gave me eye contact, smiled at me a lot, I made her laugh quite a bit. She seemed real happy when I asked her out. Just when I was really starting to make progress through therapy and broke free from my shell for a moment, I get kicked back down hard.

Standing someone up and avoiding contact sounds more like something an introvert with self esteem problems would do than someone obsessed with popularity.

Is everyone going to get bored if I suggest the solution to this problem - hookers. Yes, once again hookers are the solution to almost ANY problem.

I've been stood up and jerked around by women plenty of times. I'm sick of it. I'm not sure if I'll ever attempt to date and mate again.

ok first things first, ignore paradors 'advice'...

GZ01, try not to let this set you back so much, you did a pretty brave thing and it would be a real waste if you can only see the negative from this situation and you go backwards instead of forwards. there is only a few options for what has happened so i think you should try to look at them and judge what went wrong, i can give you my point of view, but i dont really know the details so its obviously gonna be better if you do it yourself, but i'll let you know what i think it could of been anyway.

1. she was shy herself(you said so) and was to nervous to show up- if this happened you can easily contact her and patch things up, she might be to shy to appoligise if she is embarresed.
2. she either forgot about it or couldnt tell you that she didnt want to go out with you to your face, and then didnt have the guts to appologise. - if this happened then you saved yourself the trouble of going on a date with her, anyone who would do this obviously isnt a very nice person and you dont wanna be going out with someone like that.
3. it could be something you did or the way you acted when you asked her out, maybe you were really nervous and you may of made her feel uncomftable and it may of put her off a date with you. if this is what happened you can just see it as something you can improve on.

try and learn what went wrong beacuse what ever it was happened for a reason. you can find the reason , thats a much better way of dealing with it than beating yourself up about it, you cant gain anything from that!

It seems that GZ01 was mainly worried about his past experiences. This is what really sucks, and this is weighs as a big stone, mainly if you are following a therapy and you´re beginning to feel more open and better.

GZ01! I want to tell you something, you were really brave to ask the girl for an appointment! When you follow with your therapy, I´m sure you will feel better and you will be able to find another girl.
A partnership is not the solution to our problems. This is clear. It could be a help but I think you should focuss on yourself. If you feel free in relation to what other people can think or act respect yourself. You´ll be ready to deal with a partner.

ultimate_krang wrote:ok first things first, ignore paradors 'advice'...

You wouldn't say that if you knew the hooker I know from Albany. If I still had a libido and money I would be seeing her every week.

Thanks for the support guys. And yes I'll take Parador's advice with a grain of salt.

I will see her face to face in a few days and will let you know if anything happens. And Zahra's right, I'm don't particularly care too much about this girl in general, just the fact that I have never really been close to anybody before, and at the moment I want nothing more than a girlfriend.

You CAN have a gf. For an hour. Just leave $350 in an envelope in plain sight.