What Do You Do?

What do you do when you're lonely?

No, I don't hate being alone. I like to be alone. But I'm afraid the isolation is taking a toll on my sanity.

I distract myself with tv, video games, reading, etc. Being lonely doesn't bother me as much as it used to, its become so natural that i don't notice it much.

A Sandwich

Someone said to me that it´s different to be alone to be lonely. And I never know what the hell wanted to mean: Perhaps this article culb be useful for both you and me.

The Difference Between Solitude and Loneliness

by Dr. Jackie Black, Ph.D.
Have you ever wanted some time alone? Has anyone ever told you s/he needed to "take some space"? The notions of solitude, loneliness and being alone are often confusing or misunderstood, especially by committed partners.

One way to look at this is to say that solitude is the joy of being alone while loneliness is the pain of being alone. Being alone is not necessarily to be lonely. Being alone involves only physical separation, but being lonely includes both spiritual and psychological separation or isolation.

According to Richard J. Foster, solitude is an inner fulfillment, while loneliness is inner emptiness. Solitude is a voluntary retreat from the company of other people and loneliness seems beyond our control. And Paul Tillich writes, "Loneliness expresses the pain of being alone and solitude expresses the glory of being alone".

All too often men and women are threatened by their partners needing or wanting "space"?an opportunity to enjoy solitude. They somehow feel that if their partners really loved them they wouldn't want to be apart from them. Or they take it personally and project that they have done or said something that has offended their partner and s/he now wants to get away. Nothing could be further from the truth.

Solitude is the ability to enjoy inward quietness. Times of solitude are frequently enriching and refreshing if we use them wisely. When we choose times of limited seclusion we often experience new perspectives that help us know more fully the things that really matter. Solitude is the prerequisite for creativity and the place in which we can discover the treasure chest of tranquility and serenity and all their benefits.

The fact of the matter is that the state of "aloneness" is the same whether we are suffering loneliness or enjoying solitude. The only difference is in our attitude toward ourselves. In solitude we enjoy spending time alone, because we know that we are in the best company there is! In loneliness we believe we are alone because nobody wants to be with us.

Loneliness is not simply a matter of being alone, but rather the feeling that no one really cares what happens to you. It is the painful awareness that we lack close and meaningful contact with others, which produces feelings of being cut off from them.

According to Mother Teresa, "The biggest disease is not leprosy or cancer. It is the feeling of being uncared for, unwanted - of being deserted and alone."

If you are lonely examine your fears and your attitudes. Have you built walls of defense instead of bridges? Are you afraid of closeness with others, getting hurt, failing, or perhaps the pain of losing someone you love?

Are you filling your life by being busy, seeking out and spending time with people you may not particularly like? Or are you filling up the spaces of your life with lots of noise from the radio, TV, DVD's or surfing the net endlessly?

If you feel the pain of loneliness or the fear of your partner needing to create a time for solitude, please consider reading this terrific new book, There Must Be More Than This: Finding More Life, Love, and Meaning by Overcoming Soft Addictions written by Judith Wright. While this book doesn't address the notions of solitude, aloneness or loneliness in so many words, Ms. Wright explores the whole idea of soft addictions, which I refer to as "being busy and making noise". These only serve to distract us from listening to our inner knowing and deepening our inner awareness. Creating opportunities for solitude and becoming comfortable in your own company are skills you can learn and which will be hugely beneficial throughout your life.

I´ve been feeling a lonely since I remember, I pretend that I enjoy with some kinds of thing: following my studies, listening to the radio, listening to music, writing on my diaries, watching TV and trying to pass the best as possible to feel my empty inner. I used to dream that nothing bad happen with me, that I was capable to fill this empty in any way and get suscess in different aspects of my life. Yes, I know what feel alone into a crowed and I don´t like. This is what make I didn´t develop social skills, lack of opportunities to be better in my job and in my personal life. So, I have to put into a reflexion. Do you really want to be a lonely?

I ussually start listening to music and become very introspective and nostalgic

but I like the differentiation that zahra brought up between loneliness and solitude, as both come hand in hand. Personally, yes, I often get lonely, but I have also come to value the solitude of my position immensely. The only difference between loneliness and solitude is our subjective perception of our situation, and it is something we can learn to change. Try to think of your isolation as an opportunity to get to find yourself as well as a sanctuary of peace from an otherwise hectic life, not as a curse and a time to regret things about your life. The grass always seems greener on the other side, so instead just try to see the value in what you already have.

One of the best moments I've ever had came a couple months after a particularly dramatic time of my life. I was invited to a family christmas eve get-together but I really couldnt stand being around everyone, so I decided to just ditch early and walk back to my house a couple miles away. It was probably the most peacefull brief time of my life, walking around with absolutely nobody else outside, just after a huge snowstorm, going past memory after memory. and when I think about it... I could have spent that time being lonely and regretting recent events, but I just didn't

Porn worked real good when I had a libido. Hookers were even better, but MUCH more expensive. The libido has been gone for a good 6 months now and I'm not sure if it's coming back. So now I watch the history channel to comat it. The news shows on MSNBC used to work, but my local cable station wants me to pay extra for those now and I won't do it.

Another good thing you can do is create a profile on PoF and find losers to chat with. It's easy to create a fake profile that will make people want to talk to you. Fake pics of models get lots of attention.

swift. wrote:I ussually start listening to music and become very introspective and nostalgic

but I like the differentiation that zahra brought up between loneliness and solitude, as both come hand in hand.

Thank you, but the differentiation between loneliness and solitude is not made by me, is from someone in this forum that is marvellous. Incorrigible!

Uberfrau wrote:I can't understand why people are so deperate not to be alone.Is it because you truly hate being alone or is it because society makes us feel like losers for being loners.

+1/2

I agree partially. Humans are "designed" as social creatures, but part of loneliness is definitely a function of societal.. stuff.

The only time I ever feel lonely is when something I see on TV tells me I should feel lonely.