OUT MASKS!

by **LifeSong** » Mon Apr 13, 2009 11:43 pm

Incorrigible wrote:
Many of us have learned, as part of our survival behaviors, that the way to get the attention and approval we want is to be victims. If life is awful, too difficult, unmanageable, too hard, unfair, then others will accept, like, and approve of us, we think.
We may have learned this from living and associating with people who also learned to survive by being a victim.
We are not victims. We do not need to be victimized. We do not need to be helpless and out of control to get the attention and love we desire. In fact, the kind of love we are seeking cannot be obtained that way.
We can get the love we really want and need by only owning our power. We learn that we can stand on our own two feet, even though it sometimes feels good to lean a little. We learn that the people we are leaning on are not holding us up. They are standing next to us.

Speaking of owning our own power, we first have to believe that we have power. And each of us does have power - we may be afraid to know that but we do have enough power to get on in the world. I like how Nelson Mandela says that we do not serve ourselves or others well by 'being small'. Here's his quote:

Our Deepest Fear
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented or fabulous?’ Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.
Your playing small doesn’t serve the world.
There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking
so that other people won’t feel insecure around you.
We were born to manifest the glory of God who is within us…
And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give
other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
Nelson Mandela

This is interesting.

I sometimes strongly suspect that I'm very manipulative, in a subtle, passive-aggressive way.

When I was still functioning socially by 'faking it', I was in effect an actor, playing roles - giving people what they wanted in exchange for their company.

I don't really know how to feel after this realization. It's the victim talking again, learned helplessness, whatever - but it's the only way I know.

by **twistermind** » Sun Apr 19, 2009 11:56 pm

hachi wrote:This is interesting.

I sometimes strongly suspect that I'm very manipulative, in a subtle, passive-aggressive way.

When I was still functioning socially by 'faking it', I was in effect an actor, playing roles - giving people what they wanted in exchange for their company.

I don't really know how to feel after this realization. It's the victim talking again, learned helplessness, whatever - but it's the only way I know.

I think is due to our lack of assertiviness and low self-steem. We are sometimes demanding other attention. I´m a passive-agressive from and assertiviness point of view.
If you know my fisrt introduction thread in this forum, I can remember that when I had a social appointment, I generally end with a empty sensation. :cry:

OUT MASKS!

Re: OUT MASKS!

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