Out of Character

Have you ever said or done something completely out of character and for a brief moment felt human again?

Yes, and I disliked myself afterwards for doing it. Whenever I do something 'normal', I feel out of character (like you have implied) and just 'wrong'.

Kevin

Yeah, and it actually felt quite liberating... shame it didn't last.

Felt human for split second - and then felt like a fool. Voluntary disinhibition seems to make me say stupid things and behave clumsily. Unless I'm drunk. In which case, I'll say stupid things and behave clumsily, but won't give a $#%^.

LOL I think I know what you mean. It's curious that we feel bad about it afterwards.

In my case, I think more than 'feeling human', I have an aversion to 'feeling good'. Crazy stuff.

It's like I'm so used to my sadness and 'depression', to behaving defensively, that any form of good feeling pops up in the radar as a very dangerous and menacing thing.

When you feel guilty and bad about smiling, you know there's something wrong.

The Luminiferous Aether wrote:Have you ever said or done something completely out of character and for a brief moment felt human again?

Yes, I do it all the time. It's funny (no in the LOL way) but I can sense when I am doing something that is out of character for myself but I can't seem to control my actions. Afterwards I feel bad about actions and embarrassed at times.

Yeah...it´s happened to me lots of times.

Then my brain goes bonkers and somewhat tells me
something along the lines of "That´s not the kind of
thoughts you should be having, you know" and then
I start to feel like crap.

Just to make an analogy, is as if the door to happiness
was opened in front of me just so I could take a glance,
then closed in my face while someone scolded me for
trying to see what I shouldn´t be seeing.

Yup, something is tremendously wrong with me.

See you around

Absolutely. and I hate it. For a moment I felt I was 'normal', like everyone else. But afterwards is always hell because It will keep running through my head over and over again until I wanna break down and cry.
Exactly like Chucky (Kevin) said.