Changing appearance as a defence against self loathing.

Jessica you aren't the only one who is unhappy with the way they look, I'm a fat ######6 gargoyle. I've just accepted it more or less and I know that I am less than everyone else.

I feel less that everyone too. I need to lose weight - i gained a lot from being on Paxil for 10 years. But i have been thin before and it stil didnt seem to help. Its just really sad that a persons worth is almost completely based on physical attributes. No matter how much i accomplish it wont actually matter. My worth and rank in society has already been determined.

If you meant that you would have liked to be shown more kindness, then yea that would have helped. It likely would have made a world of difference for all of us, I would have turned out a bit differently too. But the world doesn't work that way.

I was always kind, but people were not kind to me. This has contributed to my utter distrust for everyone i meet. I got used a lot growing up. I would finally find a friend and then they would betray me and leave me. Or i would go to a new school (we moved a lot) and i my first recess i would go outside with eveyone and either no-one would talk to me or someone would walk by and call me ugly. Of course once that happens the prospect of any friends was pretty much dead in the water.

A normal person's worth isn't entirely based on their physical attributes. But it's a large part of it. As much as being fat and ugly sucks, it really isn't hard at all to look around and spot somebody who is twice as large and a lot more ugly and hey that girl hangin on his arm is pretty cute. How the ###$ does he do it? These people don't have all the issues that we do. It is possible to be happy and be well liked and all that if you are ugly. We just lack the charisma and the other attributes to make up for our physical appearance. It's just really hard when a person is shy AND ugly. Zero worth as a person, we would be culled from the gene pool if it weren't already so unlikely that we will breed.

CriminallyVulgar wrote: Zero worth as a person, we would be culled from the gene pool if it weren't already so unlikely that we will breed.

I have read articles in scientific journals that theorize that facial ugliness is a way of showing others not to mate with that person because thay are somehow inferior genes.

Nice.

I used to have a buck-tooth gap too...
Sorry if I gave the wrong idea that I am satisfied with how I look...it takes about 20 different products/apparatus to make me feel like a human being. This is the mask I put on every time I look at the mirror and think ###$, cover that mess up or nobody's going to take you seriously. And, I'm fat. I was jogging at night for about an hour, 4 days a week at one point - so the chances of anyone seeing me were greatly reduced. That lasted until I convinced myself I would get murdered. Luckily I've been too depressed about the rest of my life to think about it for a couple months. In a strange way, it's been a bit of a break. it's been a constant obsession. There's too much meat between my soul and the rest of the world. It seems like a lot of people see a flabby body as a synonym for doormat and waste no time taking advantage. I must look very weak. I know that as soon as I open my mouth I'm going to make myself look like an idiot. the best I can do is keep it shut and use cosmetics to avoid being singled out for as many superficial defects as possible. The weight is my Everest though...I will admit that I have looked around and seen fatter, uglier people with mates and thought what the crap is my problem? And then I remember, oh, it's because I'm about as interesting as wallpaper paste, am entirely pessimistic, and i panic every time someone new tries to talk to me...

There's too much meat between my soul and the rest of the world. It seems like a lot of people see a flabby body as a synonym for doormat and waste no time taking advantage. I must look very weak.

People often see anyone that is overweight as being weak-willed. And that just overshadows any other attribute that a person may have. I want to lose weight so that others will not look down on me anymore.

And then I remember, oh, it's because I'm about as interesting as wallpaper paste, am entirely pessimistic, and i panic every time someone new tries to talk to me...

I panic when people talk to me too. I dont even want to meet anyone new anymore. Its too risky.

coldhands wrote:

Ethera wrote:I feel like if I make an effort to dress nicely and put makeup on, people won't know how much of a train wreck I am inside. I have absolutely no self-confidence otherwise. I feel that I am treated far better by people when I've 'got my face on'. But then I worry that I haven't done a good enough job lol

I do the same I put alot of effort in to looking good. I feel my looks are the only thing I have going for me as it is the only thing people ever complement me on. But the attention also makes anxious like when people talk to me they will then be able to tell what a mess I am inside.
It reminds me of the Smiths lyrics "you are repressed but you're remarkably dressed is it Real?"

Exactly the same here

I'm afraid it's true that looks are very important to people. I have seen the studies on how people make judgments based on looks. I had the acne problem. I took massive doses of vitamin A to reduce it. I have a kyphotic spine. There's no way to completely get rid of it. I do lots of exercises to help with that. I may get some cosmetic work to at least make myself look younger. For some reason when I was about 20-25 women showed interest in me. That's one reson I want the work. I have a deviated septum -maybe I can get it fixed and get a facelift at the same time. I can never look 25 again though, so maybe I shouldn't bother.

Parador wrote:I'm afraid it's true that looks are very important to people. I have seen the studies on how people make judgments based on looks. I had the acne problem. I took massive doses of vitamin A to reduce it. I have a kyphotic spine. There's no way to completely get rid of it. I do lots of exercises to help with that. I may get some cosmetic work to at least make myself look younger. For some reason when I was about 20-25 women showed interest in me. That's one reson I want the work. I have a deviated septum -maybe I can get it fixed and get a facelift at the same time. I can never look 25 again though, so maybe I shouldn't bother.

But, my real problem is not that. I´m quite attrative, but this is the moment when my problem arises, I think most people only like my shelf and my first impression, I think very bad about my inner. I afreid of people know me deeply because in that way they will find how boring, not interesting, non-communicative and shy am I. I have some clue, some men told me that he focussed on my physsical. Fortunatelly, my partner seems to like my inner, too and a good friend of mine.

CriminallyVulgar wrote:It's just really hard when a person is shy AND ugly

For real, I've said the exact same thing like a thousand times.

If only I were shy and beautiful people would think I was mysterious and interesting...

A question?
Ok, All of us, have avoidant and another problems.
Who do you think have more problems to succeed in this nowadays society, ugly women or ugly men??????
In my opinio women have the bad part. This is not a feminist sentence. I based on my knowledge. And I´m talking about physical appearance?

My partner is not ugly but is not beautiful, however I didn´t care of him. My first attention was the way he was and talked.