fantasy relationship

I've always done this, and a lot of times, it's not even a real girl that I'm fantasizing about.

Yukinari wrote:a lot of times, it's not even a real girl that I'm fantasizing about.

Same here.

I do this a lot and it's unhealthy.

But I'm lonely.

I used to do this and fantasize what it would be like to have a girlfriend or a lot of friends. I've always wondered what the emotional feeling would feel like having a girlfriend and loving her. Lately i haven't had any fantasies and I don't really care about having a relationship with anyone, maybe i'm becoming a schizoid.

I ache so much for love. And everytime a girl comes along who I hit it off with, I fantasize she's the one. Problem is I'm always attracted to the ones who will break my heart for some reason. She maybe married, emotionally unavailable, or just looking for a friend, it's always the same. I'm my own worst enemy with my fantasies.

Yes, I'm actually writing a screenplay with my 'fantasy' girl as a love interest to the main character (who is NOT me).

I love internet boyfriends - you can fantasize all you like, have a bit of emotional support, a bit of a connection to a real human, and there's little possibility that you'll ever have to meet them in person and be let down. And there's no pressure for sex! performance anxiety zero! The last relationship I had was a fantasy that I tried to make reality. I had known him previously for 8 years and figured he was safe...plus he made the first move. I hadn't taken into account that I would have to meet his friends, parents, and actually get physical...sent my avoidance and anxiety into overdrive. I acted like a total freak and he high-tailed it out of my life.

Ethera wrote:I love internet boyfriends - you can fantasize all you like, have a bit of emotional support, a bit of a connection to a real human, and there's little possibility that you'll ever have to meet them in person and be let down. And there's no pressure for sex! performance anxiety zero! The last relationship I had was a fantasy that I tried to make reality. I had known him previously for 8 years and figured he was safe...plus he made the first move. I hadn't taken into account that I would have to meet his friends, parents, and actually get physical...sent my avoidance and anxiety into overdrive. I acted like a total freak and he high-tailed it out of my life.

Ethera,
You sound like my kind of girl! Hit me up if you'd like a new virtual boyfriend!

I love internet boyfriends - you can fantasize all you like, have a bit of emotional support, a bit of a connection to a real human, and there's little possibility that you'll ever have to meet them in person and be let down. And there's no pressure for sex! performance anxiety zero! The last relationship I had was a fantasy that I tried to make reality. I had known him previously for 8 years and figured he was safe...plus he made the first move. I hadn't taken into account that I would have to meet his friends, parents, and actually get physical...sent my avoidance and anxiety into overdrive. I acted like a total freak and he high-tailed it out of my life.

Did you explain avpd to him? Your behavior would have settled down as you got used to him, wouldn't it? I've had some good internet relationships. I almost met a girl from another avpd site last month, but she freaked out with nerves. It seems that her friends were more wary than her. They told her not to basically. Now I don't here from her so much. Maybe it's a mistake to even try to meet.

Flyingfree;

Parador; I didn't know about AVPD then I had known him as a friend in high school and often fantasized about the relationship we could have had. I moved across the country and he messaged me one day saying he missed me and asked me out on a date next time I came to visit family... shocked that he was thinking of me, I though, I have spent four years fantasizing about what could have been - how often does one get a second chance like that? So I somehow survived through the date at christmas time but had to go back across country after, so I was able to keep him at a safe distance for six more months while I let my imagination run wild. I moved back home last summer and things took their course...As for the question of behavior settling down, i found it went from first date jitters between friends to agonizing about every single thing I said or did in front of him, obsessing over how a relationship 'should' be but keeping my thoughts internal as it ate away at me. It was worse with his friends in the mix, because I didn't want them to tell him I sucked. I felt like I was in a mental fog every time I tried to interact with him. It might have gotten better if I had mentioned that I needed to take things at a slower pace, but I was trying very hard to please...I thought if I could get him to come hang with me and my friends he'd finally get to see me be natural...by the time I suggested it he had already made up his mind though. I wanted it so bad but I couldn't deal with the actuality. I didn't have the answer of AVPD to explain it...how I could want him so much, and yet act so distant...I see it clear as day now. It was the catalyst for me trying to figure out wtf is wrong with my brain. I desperately want to get out of my dream world and find some happiness with a real person but I tend to 'freak out with nerves' as soon as any sort of reciprocated attraction is hinted at. It's like an alarm goes off in my brain. If I feel like I could achieve some kind of personal relationship that's my cue to start ignoring the person, try to get them to not like me and just go away. Right now, I know I would be too jumpy to meet anyone in person...I would just screw it up and feel guilty for wasting their time. I can't personally imagine trying to meet with another avoidant parador...talk about feedback loops the world would probably explode or something. I don't think it's necessarily a mistake to try. But we have way more issues that factor in to the situation to make it more difficult, and fantasies are definitely a hindrance when taking relationships to meatspace.