What are your reasons for not reaching out to friends?

Sender wrote:I don't consider going out with friends to be a good use of my free time. Every time I think about hanging out with someone I think of how much it could possibly suck and be boring. It's only with my really close friends that this doesn't happen.

I can truly relax and be fine when I'm by myself doing exactly what I want to do. I love kicking back and listening to music or playing the occasional video game. I love being able to think to myself. People tend to get in the way of what I want to do, because being social isn't one of them.

These are the excuses I used to make when I was younger.

From rejection, I guess.

I always feel inadequate and uneasy in situations.

But, I think my main reason is the fact that I have a hard time relating to other people.

rejection as a reason, too but more on anxiety.

there are times that I have an acquaintance (never call people friends too) that's so much the same like me in terms of likes and dislikes we can surely get along.... but my mouth was just shut.

I have a hard time relating to people to. I only really have one friend who i trust and can relate to, and i attribute that to the fact that she has many mental illness issues as well, so she is very understanding.

I have also found that when i get to know someone they like me but as soon as they know the 'real' me (i.e. the me with all my issues) they dont want to know me anymore. if i am not fun and cant offer them anything, they have no reason to be my friend.

I only talk about my true feelings with my one friend who i have known since high school. I have to pretend to be a happy person with everyone else i know.

I don't enjoy their company, or they don't enjoy mine.

Jessica's Hope wrote:I have a hard time relating to people to. I only really have one friend who i trust and can relate to, and i attribute that to the fact that she has many mental illness issues as well, so she is very understanding.

I have also found that when i get to know someone they like me but as soon as they know the 'real' me (i.e. the me with all my issues) they dont want to know me anymore. if i am not fun and cant offer them anything, they have no reason to be my friend.

I only talk about my true feelings with my one friend who i have known since high school. I have to pretend to be a happy person with everyone else i know.

Jessica, I have the same negative thoughts, but let me tell you that are irrational. Do you ever consider the possibility that is all in your mind and that you are discrediting yourself as a person because of some negatives experiences in the past? If you think the worst of yourself, your fake is to fail in any social situation?

Well, at the moment the reason is I do not have friends right now.

In general, back in high school when I did have a few friends, I was not any particularly less inclined to start plans with them than any of the rest. Since they were already my friends, I did not have to worry about that. I never opened up to them or trusted them with my personal problems, though. The one who I was closest too, seemed to either not care, or I guess more likely, not understand my problems when I did try, and the other one who I might have trusted had her own problems too.

With people I do not know well yet, though, I am a lot more passive, I guess. I do not want to offend someone or anything, because I do not know if they even like me. Maybe it is fear of rejection too.

Zahra666 wrote:

Jessica's Hope wrote:I have a hard time relating to people to. I only really have one friend who i trust and can relate to, and i attribute that to the fact that she has many mental illness issues as well, so she is very understanding.

I have also found that when i get to know someone they like me but as soon as they know the 'real' me (i.e. the me with all my issues) they dont want to know me anymore. if i am not fun and cant offer them anything, they have no reason to be my friend.

I only talk about my true feelings with my one friend who i have known since high school. I have to pretend to be a happy person with everyone else i know.

Jessica, I have the same negative thoughts, but let me tell you that are irrational. Do you ever consider the possibility that is all in your mind and that you are discrediting yourself as a person because of some negatives experiences in the past? If you think the worst of yourself, your fake is to fail in any social situation?

While it may not apply to all people, I think it certainly does apply to enough people that it is reasonable that some develop this impression. Not everyone is particularly selfless.

It is nice that you have that one friend who you can trust, Jessica. Hopefully, you might have some more some day, even though it is hard for us to develop friendships, you deserve it at least.

What are your reasons for not reaching out to friends?

I don't have any.

Having friends feels awkward, and it's too much of an embarassment for me in the first place. Once I start to learn about another person, I'll usually end up disliking them later on. Friendships just seem to get in my way, that's all. Although I do yearn for friendships, I just feel that I'm unable to maintain them.

Mostly shame. The embarrassment of not having other friends. Lack of self-esteem,self-worth, and identity. Sometimes I feel like I don't know who I am as a person. I'm half introverted, half extroverted, yes that is possible. Feeling of anxiety and shame the most I guess, like if they ask you what have you been doing ... and basically its not doing anything for the past months , that's really embarrassing. I don't have problems making friends, but mostly the maintenance part that I just fall out of. Even if they call me.. sometimes I just feel antisocial and stay home and vegetate. Then after a feel times they would feel like I don't want to Hang out with them so they stop calling, etc. Again its the self-esteem issue.