What were your teenages years like?

I suppose it's true, I've never really asked many people about their perspective on their childhood.
I remember telling this girl, who I went to highschool with, how much I had hated and loathed the highschool years. She said "REALLY??!?!?! wow, I loved highschool!"

-_-'

And I have to say, the transition from childhood to adulthood wasn't very different for me either. Maybe it's because I just expected it to be different.

Mine sucked.

But I started drinking at 12 and smoking pot at 13. Nothing is really that bad when you are intoxicated, and I was intoxicated alot. It was even better once I started doing the real drugs.

Chucky wrote:How are you doing these days Staph? I got the impression from reading your post that you are now doing much better in life, right?

I think I'm doing better because I'm not with my family, and I'm with a good guy right now. I'm certainly not as depressed as I was when I was a kid. I was pretty suicidal back then. I think my religion has helped me a lot. I've turned my loneliness into solitude.

Staph wrote:I think I'm doing better because I'm not with my family, and I'm with a good guy right now. I'm certainly not as depressed as I was when I was a kid. I was pretty suicidal back then. I think my religion has helped me a lot. I've turned my loneliness into solitude.

I'm not religious at all but you're not the first person I've encountered who has claimed to have found respite/help from it. Do you still have suicidal thoughts? I imagine that you do, because they can remain as 'residual' thoughts in the brain for a long time because they were formed during traumatic events in a person's life, and are therefore deeply embedded in the brain.

Kevin

Chucky wrote:

Staph wrote:I think I'm doing better because I'm not with my family, and I'm with a good guy right now. I'm certainly not as depressed as I was when I was a kid. I was pretty suicidal back then. I think my religion has helped me a lot. I've turned my loneliness into solitude.

I'm not religious at all but you're not the first person I've encountered who has claimed to have found respite/help from it. Do you still have suicidal thoughts? I imagine that you do, because they can remain as 'residual' thoughts in the brain for a long time because they were formed during traumatic events in a person's life, and are therefore deeply embedded in the brain.

Kevin

Yeah, I do have them from time to time, but I'll never act on them. The way I see it, I've already survived my little version of Hell, so I should be able to tough out whatever I'm going through. The fact that I can say God is always, means I'm never alone. My favorite verse is Deu 31:6, "I will never leave you nor forsake you." And that all I've ever wanted out of someone.

I could go on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on about how awful my teen years were. It would take too long to write if I was really to get into it.

This is the song that never ends, it just goes on and on my friends. Some people started singing it not knowing what it was, but they'll just keep on singing it forever just because... ...

... ...This is the song that never ends, it just goes on and on my friends. Some people started singing it not knowing what it was, but they'll just keep on singing it forever just because... ...

... ...This is the song that never ends, it just goes on and on my friends. Some people started singing it not knowing what it was, but they'll just keep on singing it forever just because... ...

*ahem*

Write as much as you want to Parador. You have all the time in the world.

My childhood years were wonderful. But I spent all my teenage years hiding myself away from the world. So on one hand I didn't have to go through all the stresses of teenage life, but I also missed the wonderful things, things that I'll never get another chance to experience.

I was a pseudo-attractive boy, very tall. I made friends with what I'd consider the "main-clique-" the status quo group of kids who encompassed everyone but the losers.

I had a very quiet, reserved charisma, mostly expressed through sarcasm or stupid pranks. It was enjoyable being part of the group, but it became apparent I was not truly "one of them" We never hung out beyond the school walls. As time went by I increasingly started to realize what a tool I had been for the last few years.

My ties to those kids were fickle at best, eventually I got tired of selling myself for narcissistic supply, and reverted into a more schizoid state. I moped and pined (those words don't deserve a negative context) for a year or two. It was in this time I really...figured out...things...

I grew paranoid and disdainful of the status quo I used to associate with. Their cheap materialism, their shallow personalities and fickle personalities, all these, I wished they were mine, I was jealous, all my life jealous of what seemed just out of my reach. Loved what I hated, hated what I loved, loved and hated myself just a little too much.

It was easy to understand; I hadn't developed in an appropriate manner for social interaction on a normal scale. I could repeat textbook mannerisms to myself day in and day out.

It wasn't until close to graduation...I guess you could say I found myself.... (actually made up a cute story that the guy on the other side of all my mental conversations was actually the singularity from the center of a black hole, and he was the embodiment and personification of my soul, and that he was my messiah and here to save me)

I still wish I could believe that was true, but....eh. It works out in the abstract. And the metaphor seems spot on.

Is anyone else a black hole? An infinite density, a consuming annihilator, a vacuous emptiness?

My god was I emo. Praise Jebus I never talked to anybody.

My teenage years were pure, unadulterated hell. Any friends I made I ended up losing because my family moved around so much. My darling classmates made damn sure I was at the bottom of the pecking order--if they weren't verbally or sexually harassing me, they were ignoring me. The only thing I learned in school was shame, guilt and humiliation.

Blech. I wouldn't go back to those years for anything.