Avoidant Questionaire

1; How many close friends do you have?

people that i can tell everything - 2, one of them lives far away.

2; Do you hate yourself and to what degree?

yes, recently especially I've been going through very intense self-loathing phase.

3; How strong is your aversion to physical contact?

I crave it a lot but i would never initiate one and don't know how i would react to it. I can hug certain people but it's usually hugging to say hello or goodbye, I never hug to comfort someone emotionally or to get comfort from them, i don't hug because i feel close to someone. but i crave it.

4;Do you have difficulties making eye contact?

i don't think so, maybe sometimes and with certain people. but in everyday situations - no

5; Do you hate having your photo taken?

i don't like having my photo taken but if I do and i like it (which happens from time to time) i don't mind and am ok with putting it on myspace/facebook etc or showing to people.

6; Do you feel worthlesss?

yes, a lot

7; Has anyone ever said they loved you?

yes. mostly friends. not family

8; Have you told anyone you loved them?

same as above

9; Do you think you are ugly?

a lot

10; Do you think you are below average intelligence?

i think I'm avarage

11;Have you seriously considered suicide

no.

12; Do you have major difficulties initiating romantic encounters with the opposiate sex?

yes

13; Roughly how old are you?

roughly I'm 26

14; What made you Avoidant, briefly?

i think two things - lack of emotional commitment/affection at home and my parents' constant fighting and being rejected by peers at the start of my teenage years and isolating myself as a result.

15; Are you afraid to fail and succeed?

i don't think so, I've succeeded and I've failed, what i don't like is drawing attention to myself whatever i do

16;Are you bitter and cynical?

i don't think so

17; Are you open to the idea of suicide?

i don't know. I'm open to self-harm

18; Do you find it difficult to trust people?

yes, a lot. mostly i don't trust that people will be there for me even though they declare that they're my friends

19;What is your co-morbid disorder?(i.e. traits of SPD NPD OCD ect.)

i'm not sure i understand 'co-morbid' here. I think I have quite a few BPD traits (neediness when i do manage to get close to someone, clinginess, uncertainty about my identity and goals in life, fear of abandonment, self-harm), also of DPD.

20; Do you have any hope left?

yes, i think so. I'm in a new place and trying to take stock of my life and gain my own social circle

21;Have you ever had sex?

no

22; If a comet has forecasted to destroy the Earth how would you feel?

i wouldn't like it to happen, i don't want to die yet.

23; Are you prone to bouts of anger?

i think i am sometimes

24; Name your redeeming features?

i think I'm quite open and tolerant and a good listener.

25; Do you cry alot?

i didn't in the past, now i do a LOT.

26; Whats your sexual orientation?

i spent most of my life thinking of myself as only straight. now i don't know. I guess i crave closeness and would decide to have it with anyone if i met the right person, no matter what gender they'd be.

27; Whats your gender?

female

28; Are you often emotionally numb?

sometimes. recently I'm rather over-emotional

29; Are you jealous?

YES

30; How do you kill the boredom?

reading, internet (forums!;), wandering around London, listening to music.

31; Are making the effort to fight this curse?

YES

32; If you knew for certain that souls exist would you sell your soul for ten years to true happiness?

i would probably. but i don't really know what 'selling your soul' means!

33; How intense is your social phobia?

i guess it's not that bad as it used to be. i can meet people, meet new people, socialise. just can't get close to them at all.

-delete-

A real life Shinji wrote:This has the makings of a great thread so I hope alot of people reply.

1; How many close friends do you have? [b]NONE!!!!!!!!

2; Do you hate yourself and to what degree? Yes I have such a crappy life with all of my problems. My life is fear-based.

3; How strong is your aversion to physical contact? Somewhat, I dont like when others touch me or get too close. I will hug when I feel its necessary.

4;Do you have difficulties making eye contact? Sometimes

5; Do you hate having your photo taken? Yes because I am 120'lbs overweight.

6; Do you feel worthlesss? Yes, my self-esteem is barely existent. My self-concept is ...well I dont know what the hell it is. Who the hell am I?

7; Has anyone ever said they loved you? My sisters, mother, some aquaintances. I do not remember hearing it from dad.

8; Have you told anyone you loved them? My parents, mostly my mother. I tell my niece and nephew and somtimes my sisters

9; Do you think you are ugly? Yes, as I am not taking care of myself. Its a weight problem...but in the end its really a NOT TAKING CARE of myself problem.

10; Do you think you are below average intelligence? NO, but when I was younger I felt stupid.

11;Have you seriously considered suicide No

12; Do you have major difficulties initiating romantic encounters with the opposiate sex? Yes, Yes, Yes!!!!!!!! I am a virgin. I don't trust men. I was given very negative messages from my parents.

13; Roughly how old are you? 30's

14; What made you Avoidant, briefly? I am not sure. Ive never been confident and hate confrontations. However I realize that my parents are chronic worriers and overly protective.

15; Are you afraid to fail and succeed? Yes. If I fail I am a loser, but if I succeed than more is going to be expected from me. Fear of responsibility anyone?

16;Are you bitter and cynical? In a word ......Yes

17; Are you open to the idea of suicide? NO, but I do go through gloom and doom periods were I think alot about death.

18; Do you find it difficult to trust people? Yes, I fear judgment or being made to look like a fool. I fear how I will react to betrayal.

19;What is your co-morbid disorder?(i.e. traits of SPD NPD OCD ect.) God, there are so many:

Depression, Anxiety, OCD, Compulsive Hoarder, Bi-polar II, and Dependent personality disorder.

20; Do you have any hope left? Some, but nobody seems to give a dam. Even when I reach out for support from the internet and sites like this.

21;Have you ever had sex? NO!!!!!!

22; If a comet has forecasted to destroy the Earth how would you feel?

Like I wasted my life. You can never get time back.

23; Are you prone to bouts of anger? On rare occassio

24; Name your redeeming features? I am nice, smart, good-hearted.

25; Do you cry alot? sometimes

26; Whats your sexual orientation? Hetro

27; Whats your gender? Female

28; Are you often emotionally numb? Yes

29; Are you jealous? I say no, but I wonder sometimes.

30; How do you kill the boredom? I lay in bed, watch tv,read and fall asleep during the day. Oh and I cant forget eating. I use to go shopping.

31; Are making the effort to fight this curse?

I think I am intellectually, but I have trouble taking ACTION. I have negative thoughts and give-up or never try. I never make a plan, I just let things happen by chance and that is not working.

32; If you knew for certain that souls exist would you sell your soul for ten years to true happiness? Strange question... NO WAY!!! I study the paranormal, there is some real evil $#%^ out there.

33; How intense is your social phobia?

I do not do well in large crowds. I do not flirt. Its difficult for me to find people I truly connect with. I fear men romantically. I do not do a good job of keeping in touch with past friends or potentially new ones. I fear they will expect to much from me.[

1; How many close friends do you have?
None

2; Do you hate yourself and to what degree?
Yes and no, it is hard to explain

3; How strong is your aversion to physical contact?
I'm not too bothered about being touched, I do feel it particularly difficult to touch other people though.

4;Do you have difficulties making eye contact?
Not anymore, I've learnt to overcome it

5; Do you hate having your photo taken?
Yes, especially being made to smile for it

6; Do you feel worthlesss?
Most of the time, I know how pathetic my life is/has been and that is what most 'normal' people would judge a persons worth by!

7; Has anyone ever said they loved you?
Only my parents, when they say it i truly believe that they are only saying it because they feel they have to. Just meaningless words.

8; Have you told anyone you loved them?
Not since I was about 6

9; Do you think you are ugly?
About average on the outside, or maybe just above, very ugly inside though..

10; Do you think you are below average intelligence?
No, I think I'm above average

11;Have you seriously considered suicide
Yes

12; Do you have major difficulties initiating romantic encounters with the opposiate sex?
Definitly...I only first asked a girl out a month ago, I had my first kiss (barring a few when I was so wasted I didn't know what was going on) just over a week ago. I am trying to build the bridge as I walk over it and I can honestly say it's the scariest thing I've ever done. I dread to think how nervous I'll be if I actually get to the final part

13; Roughly how old are you?
20

14; What made you Avoidant, briefly?
A father who was less than encouraging to say the least.

15; Are you afraid to fail and succeed?
Failure is my worst fear I suppose, I believe my up-bringing has lead me to associate failure with rejection. I would love to succeed- that is obviously impossible though if you are too scared to risk failure!

16;Are you bitter and cynical?
Yes, although I can also see the funny side of both my past and the situation I am currently in

17; Are you open to the idea of suicide?
Yes, I've given myself a time limit to sort myself out.

18; Do you find it difficult to trust people?
Yep, I'm so paranoid, I've just started seeing a girl and a part of me seriously thinks it's a practical joke.

19;What is your co-morbid disorder?(i.e. traits of SPD NPD OCD ect.)
Not really sure.

20; Do you have any hope left?
I have a slight bit of hope that there is a bit of hope for me lol

21;Have you ever had sex?
No, it's likely I will get the chance to within the next few weeks, I'll probably chicken out though. I have been lucky enough to catch a particularly painful STD in the past though! No idea how and I dread to think about it

22; If a comet has forecasted to destroy the Earth how would you feel?
I like the fact that it would mean the choice of whether to kill myself or not would be taken away from me and my daily toil would be gone. Selfish, I know.

23; Are you prone to bouts of anger?
Yes, when I think about the fact that events I could not possibly have controlled control me

24; Name your redeeming features?
I have nice eyes?

25; Do you cry alot?
No, I can't cry anymore. I did a lot for a while, but I'm numb now.

26; Whats your sexual orientation?
I am heterosexual, but beginning to lose my mojo and turn towards asexuality I guess.

27; Whats your gender?
Male

28; Are you often emotionally numb?
Yep

29; Are you jealous?
Very!

30; How do you kill the boredom?
Playing pointless and incredibly addictive computer games, exercising and researching random things which I find relatively interesting i.e mental disorders or the occult. Driving around random places too.

31; Are making the effort to fight this curse?
Yes, I do try to push myself, the fact I have started seeing a girl recently is huge for me. However, it has made me realise how pathetic I really am and how big the barriers around me are. I see now they may truly be insummountable, if that is the case I may as well die. I have to down 3 pints before a date to chill myself out, otherwise I am way too on edge!

32; If you knew for certain that souls exist would you sell your soul for ten years to true happiness?
I suppose so

33; How intense is your social phobia?
Not nearly as bad as it was, I've learnt to beat a lot of it. However, I feel that a lot of the progress I have made is because I am quite dissociative and therefore can completely disregard consequences....at times!

---

1; How many close friends do you have?

2

2; Do you hate yourself and to what degree?

Yes i wish i could be happy

3; How strong is your aversion to physical contact?

I hug people "wrong", according to other people

4;Do you have difficulties making eye contact?

Yes even with my parents

5; Do you hate having your photo taken?

I dont mind it, i always look weird in pictures though

6; Do you feel worthlesss?

Yea

7; Has anyone ever said they loved you?

My mom, grandmom, probally my dad at some point, he's not very emotional

8; Have you told anyone you loved them?

My mom, grandmom

9; Do you think you are ugly?

Sometimes, i think other people see me as ugly more

10; Do you think you are below average intelligence?

Above

11;Have you seriously considered suicide

The idea is there, but i rather not give up. Im not a quitter. I rather live unhappy if there's specs of happy times in between. If i was living in constant torture, i'd consider suicide more.

12; Do you have major difficulties initiating romantic encounters with the opposiate sex?

I have never done that, so yes.

13; Roughly how old are you?

19

14; What made you Avoidant, briefly?

Highschool and staying in my locked room all the time

15; Are you afraid to fail and succeed?

Not really, i just do it and see what happens

16;Are you bitter and cynical?

Yea

17; Are you open to the idea of suicide?

Yes, but probally wouldn't do it. If anything i'd like to do it with a gunshot to the side of the head, because it's a sort of symbol for the dislikes of myself - my brain and face.

18; Do you find it difficult to trust people?

Yes

19;What is your co-morbid disorder?(i.e. traits of SPD NPD OCD ect.)

SPD, aspergers, depression, ocd, little bit of aspd

20; Do you have any hope left?

Yea

21;Have you ever had sex?

No and dont care

22; If a comet has forecasted to destroy the Earth how would you feel?

"###$ it", apathetic

23; Are you prone to bouts of anger?

Yes but only when im really pushed

24; Name your redeeming features?

Im nice, smart, understanding, non-judgemental, accepting.

25; Do you cry alot?

Not really, i feel like crying a lot though

26; Whats your sexual orientation?

Straight, maybe bi. I have this thing for trannies so I'm not sure.. Maybe it would count as a fetish?

27; Whats your gender?

Male

28; Are you often emotionally numb?

Yea

29; Are you jealous?

Yes but i get over it quickly

30; How do you kill the boredom?

Surf the web all day, video games, drugs, music

31; Are making the effort to fight this curse?

I try, it's just i cant seem to be able too

32; If you knew for certain that souls exist would you sell your soul for ten years to true happiness?

Probally not, because what about after those 10 years? You go back to feeling like crap again.

33; How intense is your social phobia?

I cant stand or sit in public places for very long, which makes school very difficult. Thankfully i have a job which keeps me active all the time.

1; How many close friends do you have?

0

2; Do you hate yourself and to what degree?

For two reasons yes. First, my inability to be what others want me to be, in order to allow me to better function socially. Secondly, not being able to overcome my issues, knowing that I'm the only one who can do so (or is even willing to try).

3; How strong is your aversion to physical contact?

None

4;Do you have difficulties making eye contact?

Not unless I'm trying to talk.

5; Do you hate having your photo taken?

Yes

6; Do you feel worthless?

I certainly feel I am lacking intimate/emotional worth in the eyes of others.

7; Has anyone ever said they loved you?

No

8; Have you told anyone you loved them?

No

9; Do you think you are ugly?

Ugly no. Unattractive yes.

10; Do you think you are below average intelligence?

IQ wise no. Emotional intelligence probably lacking.

11;Have you seriously considered suicide?

NO. I hate the world to much to let the bastards win.

12; Do you have major difficulties initiating romantic encounters with the opposite sex?

Initiating, no. Finding, yes.

13; Roughly how old are you?

Too old to still be dealing with this s#!%.

14; What made you Avoidant, briefly?

Near constant ostracism as a child. Neglectful and abusive mother. No father.

15; Are you afraid to fail and succeed?

Failure yes. I've been bitten by it too many times. Success never feels like success, so no.

16;Are you bitter and cynical?

Yes, please!

17; Are you open to the idea of suicide?

No but that could change (see question 32).

18; Do you find it difficult to trust people?

Yes.

19;What is your co-morbid disorder?(i.e. traits of SPD NPD OCD ect.)

Dysthymia; ADD.

20; Do you have any hope left?

Not consciously, but since I'm not suicidal there must be some in there somewhere.

21;Have you ever had sex?

Yes

22; If a comet is forecasted to destroy the Earth how would you feel?

Frightened.

23; Are you prone to bouts of anger?

No.

24; Name your redeeming features?



25; Do you cry a lot?

Not any more...

26; Whats your sexual orientation?

Hetero

27; Whats your gender?

M

28; Are you often emotionally numb?

Not as often as I would like.

29; Are you jealous?

Only when I see other's lives.

30; How do you kill the boredom?

Alcohol makes the intolerable tolerable.

31; Are making the effort to fight this curse?

32; If you knew for certain that souls exist would you sell your soul for ten years of true happiness?

No. I do not seek happiness, merely contentment. Also, the knowledge that souls exist would relieve us of the burden of our mortality and make death "a consummation to be devoutly wished". So maybe its best that the soul does not exist.

33; How intense is your social phobia?

Enough that I have no social life.

1; How many close friends do you have? 3 but I do not let them too close.

2; Do you hate yourself and to what degree? I would not say I hate myself. I know that I am beautiful and intelligent and well-read, it's just the fact that I know that there are people out there who are more intelligent, well-read and beautiful than me. And I cannot tolerate it. If I'm not the best at something or if what I have is not the best, I am worthless.

3; How strong is your aversion to physical contact? I am afraid of intimacy. I don't like when a stranger touches me, and I only touch the people I really love. When it comes to sex, well, I'm not so fond of it.

4;Do you have difficulties making eye contact? Yes, and some people have pointed it out to me that they found it unbearable that they're talking to me and I don't look into their eyes.

5; Do you hate having your photo taken? Yes, I am not really photogenic and I look stupid when I know my picture is being taken. I make really stupid faces, really.

6; Do you feel worthlesss? Yes. I think, I do. But on the other hand I consider myself to be far better than the great majority of mankind.

7; Has anyone ever said they loved you? Yes.

8; Have you told anyone you loved them? Yes.

9; Do you think you are ugly? No, I am beautiful, but I can't accept the way I look because I have minor flaws.

10; Do you think you are below average intelligence? No.

11;Have you seriously considered suicide All the time.

12; Do you have major difficulties initiating romantic encounters with the opposiate sex? I've only done it once. It backfired, making me more shy than I'd been before.

13; Roughly how old are you? 23

14; What made you Avoidant, briefly? No idea.

15; Are you afraid to fail and succeed? I am afraid to fail. I want to succeed but I won't ever.

16;Are you bitter and cynical? Bitter yes, cynical I don't know.

17; Are you open to the idea of suicide? Sure.

18; Do you find it difficult to trust people? Yes.

19;What is your co-morbid disorder?(i.e. traits of SPD NPD OCD ect.) I don't know. I have generalized anxiety disorder for sure. Traits of BPD as well.

20; Do you have any hope left? I'd like to think I have but I know that I don't.

21;Have you ever had sex? Yes.

22; If a comet has forecasted to destroy the Earth how would you feel? I don't know.

23; Are you prone to bouts of anger? Rarely. But only in front of family, never in front of anyone else. What would they think about me?

24; Name your redeeming features? I am really giving and kind and selfless.

25; Do you cry alot? I cannot cry anymore.

26; Whats your sexual orientation? Straight.

27; Whats your gender? Female

28; Are you often emotionally numb? Yes.

29; Are you jealous? Yes, terribly.

30; How do you kill the boredom? Read, read and read. Sometimes I listen to music or daydream. Most of the time I link daydreaming with reading.

31; Are making the effort to fight this curse? No, sadly I'm far too deep inot it and since I know that my life would not be much better without AvPD, I'm not making much of an effort to quit my fantasy world, at least I am loved and perfect there.

32; If you knew for certain that souls exist would you sell your soul for ten years to true happiness? I don't believe in true happiness. For me, it would mean that everything is absolutely perfect, including me.

33; How intense is your social phobia? Very intense.

1; How many close friends do you have?
6. Its weird.

2; Do you hate yourself and to what degree?
Very Much So. On a scale from 1-10, I'd give it an 8.5 only because I don't hate myself enough to not have self respect.

3; How strong is your aversion to physical contact?
Very Strong. I pull away without even noticing anymore.

4;Do you have difficulties making eye contact?
Sometimes. Its getting better.

5; Do you hate having your photo taken?
With a passion!

6; Do you feel worthlesss?
Yesss. I am the biggest loser on the face of the planet

7; Has anyone ever said they loved you?
Yes. My close friends all love me in a way. 2 of them really really do and I will love them forever. 2 are too shallow to truly understand anything outside of themselves. 1 is a lost soul who I need to get away from. And the last one says he does and I know he does but he's so caught up in trying to be like his peers.

8; Have you told anyone you loved them?
Yes. My true 2 friends and the last male

9; Do you think you are ugly?
I know I'm not but I can't help but feel like I am.

10; Do you think you are below average intelligence?
No. But some moments I feel really dumb.

11;Have you seriously considered suicide
Many times

12; Do you have major difficulties initiating romantic encounters with the opposiate sex?
I don't talk to men because I know it will never amount to anything. I know they won't find me interesting or pretty enough so why bother?

13; Roughly how old are you?
19

14; What made you Avoidant, briefly?
My parents constant criticism, sheltering and their avoidance of having people around our home.

15; Are you afraid to fail and succeed?
I am afraid of both. Which is why I quit everything before it can reach either point- failure or success.

16;Are you bitter and cynical?
Most times

17; Are you open to the idea of suicide?
Sometimes

18; Do you find it difficult to trust people?
Only one person can be trusted in my life.

19;What is your co-morbid disorder?(i.e. traits of SPD NPD OCD ect.)
The closest thing would be PPD I guess.

20; Do you have any hope left?
Not really but I just try to say God has a plan.

21;Have you ever had sex?
Only once. It didn't hurt but it was not enjoyable.

22; If a comet has forecasted to destroy the Earth how would you feel?
I would pray that no one would feel any pain and we could all die together and not at separate times.

23; Are you prone to bouts of anger?
I had anger management a long time ago. It helped a lot.

24; Name your redeeming features?
What redeeming features?

25; Do you cry alot?
I used to but now I'm numb to everything

26; Whats your sexual orientation?
I would say I'm bi although I havent had sexual contact with any females and I've had very limited contact with males.

27; Whats your gender?
Female

28; Are you often emotionally numb?
Except for being annoyed, I am very numb.

29; Are you jealous?
Sometimes. Ive toned it down a lot.

30; How do you kill the boredom?
Watching cartoons

31; Are making the effort to fight this curse?
I keep trying each year. I will continue

32; If you knew for certain that souls exist would you sell your soul for ten years to true happiness?
Depends on if I find out whether I could have true happiness without selling my soul.

33; How intense is your social phobia?
From 1 to 10, its a 20. Being social is a chore. And it stresses me out so much.

GREAT QUESTIONNAIRE!![/b]

1; How many close friends do you have?
None I'd actually call close.

2; Do you hate yourself and to what degree?
No, but I can't help feeling that anyone else could have a more fulfilling life in my body.

3; How strong is your aversion to physical contact?
Never thought about it. A girl giving me a back massage equates to third base. I only hug someone if they initiate it, and have a instinctively weak handshake... guess it's moderate.

4;Do you have difficulties making eye contact?
With attractive women and people I find intimidating, yes.

5; Do you hate having your photo taken?
Yes.

6; Do you feel worthlesss?
At the moment yes, though I think I have some potential

7; Has anyone ever said they loved you?
When I was a child

8; Have you told anyone you loved them?
When I was a child... today only my dog (and I really can say I only have emotional attatchment to my dog)

9; Do you think you are ugly?
No.

10; Do you think you are below average intelligence?
I consider myself an intelligent, logical and philosophical person when my problems aren't in the way

11;Have you seriously considered suicide
No, though eventual death is a comforting thought sometimes

12; Do you have major difficulties initiating romantic encounters with the opposiate sex?
Yes.

13; Roughly how old are you?
20

14; What made you Avoidant, briefly?
Being overweight in middleschool and feeling a lack of acceptance from peers

15; Are you afraid to fail and succeed?
When I really think about it, both actually.

16;Are you bitter and cynical?
When I feel hopeless, yes.

17; Are you open to the idea of suicide?
No.

18; Do you find it difficult to trust people?
Yes.

19;What is your co-morbid disorder?(i.e. traits of SPD NPD OCD ect.)
I'm thinking 50% AvPD, 30% PPD, 15% OCD, 5% NPD

20; Do you have any hope left?
Yes.

21;Have you ever had sex?
No

22; If a comet has forecasted to destroy the Earth how would you feel?
Scared

23; Are you prone to bouts of anger?
Yes

24; Name your redeeming features?
I can be witty, think I'm intelligent, athletic, good looking

25; Do you cry alot?
No

26; Whats your sexual orientation?
Straight

27; Whats your gender?
Male

28; Are you often emotionally numb?
When I'm not trying to overcome my problems and can "escape", yes

29; Are you jealous?
No, but I can be easily.


30; How do you kill the boredom?
Pro wrestling, mysterious phenomena, nature, keeping my appearance up, weightlifting, walking my dog, the thought that someday I can escape the hellhole that is New England

31; Are making the effort to fight this curse?
Trying to...

32; If you knew for certain that souls exist would you sell your soul for ten years to true happiness?
I'm not the religious type so yes.

33; How intense is your social phobia?
Pretty bad in front of people I want to impress.