Friends

I know this may be a bit of a strange topic for this forum, as I gather that many people here have no friends at all. If this thread seems particularly hurtful or useless to you, I'm sorry.

Let me begin by describing my own friend situation. I'm treading a bit of a fine line here, as I don't want to discuss too many personal details of other people on this forum. I've always been someone who's had at most one (1) person at a time in my life that I consider to be my true friend. This is someone whom I feel some strong bond with and tend to want to spend a lot of my time with.

Interestingly I seem to have had one friend per educational period. For the first half of elementary school (roughly ages 6-12 here) I had a friend whom we would even take on family vacations with us, as his family was poor-ish and never went on vacation (well they had different priorities really). Unfortunately he moved to the other side of town for the second half of elementary school and I didn't really have any friends in that period. I last saw this guy a few years ago and I had the feeling we weren't even speaking the same language anymore.

In high school (well ages 12-18 here, whatever you want to call it) the situation was much better. I had one friend all the way through this school and even had some secondary friends. We went our separate ways after graduating and although I still occasionally see him, I feel we've grown apart somewhat.

In university I had some what I would call acquaintances and flatmates, but for a long time I didn't have anyone I really connected with. For the last two years of it I did fortunately. However I fear I have developed the sort of co-dependence on this person that is actually quite scary. I won't go too much into details. Because of this I've been maintaining a policy of active alienation against this person for the past week or so, although this seems to be a recurring thing. But then that's a silly thing to do as I wouldn't want to lose what I consider my only true friend...

Anyway, I guess my question is, how many friends do you have or have had? Do you find that you can have more than one friend at the same time?

Throughout most of school, that I can remember anyway, I've only had one really close friend (although not the same person), with any others being relatively minor. Maybe that stems out of finding it easier to interact with one person than with a group. In the last couple of years of school I started hanging out with groups more and more as my friends, and at the same time started feeling worse about myself, socially.

At uni, I have no friends. Full stop. The only ones who I thought were friends in my first year turned out to not care at all, as they didn't even try contacting me throughout the last two thirds of the second year. Though, again, that was a large group and not a single person. Maybe if there'd been a single person I was close friends with then I wouldn't be alone right now.

When I was young (5-12) I always had someone who I considered a true friend at a time. A very profound friendship, where I didn't have problems getting close or expressing myself (as much as a kid can anyway). One left the country when I was about 10, and we kept in touch for about a month and that was the end. The second one was what I consider to have been my only true friendship. It lasted for about 2 years, since I changed school when I was 13. Again I'm not really sure what had happened; we kept in touch once and then never again.

From then on I never developed a friendship like that. Like sybot, it was more of a group thing, but I never really fit into the dynamic of the group, and the groups evolved and I ended up going out of the loop anyway. I maybe spent time with some individuals but there was never any respect. I ended up "choosing" to be alone, since I didn't need any high-school crap anymore.

Uni didn't fare any better. Ironically, again it's the same as sybot. They don't really contact me for anything. They all seem to have friends that stem out of the group so when they are on their own they go to their other acquaintances.

I have to say, I never to well in groups. There's only so much my feeble pea-brain can take in social situations. So the rare times I meet with someone, it's one-on-one.

I can't say I've had any "friends" in the "people I trust" sense of the word. There have been a few people I have talked to, but always talked about minor stuff, never anything "personal" (I absolutely deplore person questions, if I get asked one, I ignore it >.>) It is probably worse now that I don't need to leave my house to go to school... My day to day and even week to week contact with strangers is about nil >_>;

Asuka wrote:I also feel that I become less social during the academic year. Must people look forward to the Summer; sometimes I dread it.

I think the main reason I have been staying outside more is because I opted to take my courses remotely. Without school to force me to go anywhere, I generally don't >_> I have never dreaded summer, as it just means I have to go outside less, although I hate coming back from school and being forced to write "What did you do over your summer vacation?" as nothing can only fill up so much space.

A_FishNamedEric wrote:I have never dreaded summer, as it just means I have to go outside less, although I hate coming back from school and being forced to write "What did you do over your summer vacation?" as nothing can only fill up so much space.

AARARRRGGHHHHLL! Sorry I have childhood traumas from writing those essays. It's the most uncreative bit of teaching there is, and I should know as I'm from a teaching family. Well, maybe making ashtrays out of clay in shop class is even less creative.

On a more serious note, I do dread summers. When the weather is nice I feel like everyone is out there having fun, frolicking in the grass and skipping through the meadows (not that I've had an inclination to do the latter), while I'm stuck indoors being alone and bored. In fact nowadays not getting out of the house seems to be one of my main problems, as I work from home.

@A_FishNamedEric:
I'm genuinely sorry you've never had a friend you could confide in.

Radovan wrote:AARARRRGGHHHHLL! Sorry I have childhood traumas from writing those essays. It's the most uncreative bit of teaching there is, and I should know as I'm from a teaching family. Well, maybe making ashtrays out of clay in shop class is even less creative.

On a more serious note, I do dread summers. When the weather is nice I feel like everyone is out there having fun, frolicking in the grass and skipping through the meadows (not that I've had an inclination to do the latter), while I'm stuck indoors being alone and bored. In fact nowadays not getting out of the house seems to be one of my main problems, as I work from home.

@A_FishNamedEric:
I'm genuinely sorry you've never had a friend you could confide in.

I think Ashtrays are more productive than "What did you do over vacation?" because at least when you are done you have something to show for it. With those essays, journals, etc, you get nothing except wasted ink and paper. I have never really felt bad about not going outside during summer. Mostly I am just glad people are outside and not inside bothering me or what have you. As far as someone to fully confide in, I am not even sure I want something like that >.> To say I like my privacy and security is a gross understatement.

I'm not sure anyone really has friends. Will they stick by you when things get tough? That's when you find out if they are real friends. I had a guy like that in high school. When the Principal started harrassing me he came up with some excuse not to be around me.

I guess I had a couple of pot-head friends. Even though I never smoked it. Lost tough with them a couple of years after graduation.

I was too distrustful to make any friends in college. I had a lab partner, but he got real obnoxious when a professor gave him a job as an assistant. Then he tought he was better than everyone and he let everyone KNOW it.

I knew a guy from a chess club. He helped me take a TV home with his truck one day. Maybe thaty makes him a friend.

I work with people. We talk sometimes. I guess we're kind of friends. But I'm a supervisor and the people I know best at work are the ones who work for me. I don't know if we can really be friends.

Ever see the TV show Red Dwarf? There's a character named Rimmer and he's about to leave foever. He makes this speech where he talks about his shipmates and how they've had their differences. Then he concludes that over the years he has grown to consider them "people he met."

@Parador:
Those sound more like acquaintances than anything else...

Parador wrote:Ever see the TV show Red Dwarf? There's a character named Rimmer and he's about to leave foever. He makes this speech where he talks about his shipmates and how they've had their differences. Then he concludes that over the years he has grown to consider them "people he met."

I love Red Dwarf. Still, even Rimmer had more sex than I have (remember Yvonne McGruder?).

Asuka wrote:Do you know new mini series of the show is being filmed?

Are you kidding? I did not, that is excellent news.

Asuka wrote:I'm a huge fan of that show. I have every series on DVD.

Yeah, I like how the spines match up.

Asuka wrote:Rimmer is a great example of a Narcissistic Avoidant.

Kryton could be view as an example of a dependent/ Obsessive Compulsive and the Cat is an aesthetic Narcissist.

Interesting analysis. Rimmer has some OCD traits to I think, with his underwear hanging on coat hangers and collection of pictures of 20th century telegraph poles. Although maybe that's not OCD.

Come to think of it, that show had a lot of plots revolving around the psyche. The good and evil version of themselves when they got triplicated, Rimmer getting in blazing rows with himself when he activated his duplicate hologram...