Just thought I'd say hi

Hi ,
I Just thought I would introduce myself here before posting in other threads. I self-diagnosed myself with APD about 3 weeks ago after reading about it online, and further researching it in my school library which had a book about APD (it was quite enlightening, and I recommend anyone who has APD to read a psychology book on the disorder, it really helped me to understand it). This was all after years of avoidant tendencies which I always thought I would "grow out of." My case is not quite as extreme as some of the stories I have read, but it still impacts my daily life.

Basically, I'm almost positive I have APD and I am actively working to overcome it with some success. Reading about the disorder online and perusing (and now posting in) these forums has helped me greatly to understand the disorder and ultimately help myself.

Hey,

I am of the belief that AvPD should be just classified as a symptom, and not a disorder in its own right. With this in mind, what are your symptoms other than AvPD?

Kevin

I think I understand what your saying, so I'll see what I can do to answer:

I have always kind of been a social outcast along with one or two close friends.

I tend to keep everything to myself and don't want to bother others with my problems

I get very nervous/anxious in most social situations

I want to have relations with people, but I ignore the people I like even more than people I don't know out of what seems to be irrational fear of being rejected or bothering them.

As an example, I just entered college, and I am very uncomfortable doing almost anything when my roommate is in our room (he's a nice person, and I know that, but I still can't shake my anxiety) and it took me about 2-3 weeks to even muster up the courage to talk to anyone (personally, I was surprised when I did, but I felt really good about myself afterwards).

Another example was when one of my close friends girlfriends tried to start a friendship/relationship with me and one of her cousins. The only reason I ever started talking to her was because if I hadn't I knew the torrent of criticism would be worse than my fear at the time. We talked online for a while and we seemed to be really similar, and I thought that she would be the one girl I would be able to actually socialize with. Eventually, my friend and his girlfriend invite me over to meet her, and when I got there I was scared completely out of my mind, and I didn't say a word all night. That was actually when I decided I had to do something about it, because I really did like the girl, and I feel like I acted like a cold emotionless jerk.
I still talk to the girl in question, we are still friends even though after that she told me that she was to busy to get involved with a relationship (I freaked out about that, broke down for a few days but never told anyone about it), which she really was, but I still blamed myself. This whole story was the last straw, and I use it to motivate myself to change.

One final example, I spent probably an hour reading and changing parts of this to make it sound "just right" so that my wording would not be mis-interpreted (I'm usually not a perfectionist, but in interpersonal communication I tend to over-think everything I say and write).

I really don't like throwing around acronyms, the only reason I say I'm pretty sure I have AvPD is because its the best thing that fits what I have been experiencing for the last 4-5 years that I have read about (and believe me, I've read a lot trying to figure this out). Thats everything I can think of at the moment, and I'm not sure what you are looking for exactly, so I hope this helps.

Hi,

I seem to be pretty much the same person as you. I mean, in the past when I went out to peoples' houses, I usually just sat there too and said nothing. I would listen to some extent, but just never have anything to say. I also identified with AvPD first before I started to read about Asperger's Syndrome, which describes me much better.

Bizarrely, I get on better with strangers (or 'new') people too. In fact, in my life so far, friends have come and gone many times. I just get bored with people eventually and don't bother talking to them.

Kevin

This is why I am reluctant to label myself as one specific thing, and now feel like I jumped the gun initially and shouldn't just slap a label on myself.

Looking at AS there are things that don't apply to me at all, and some that fit perfectly. For example, I am quite good at picking up subtle nuances in facial expression and spoken word (tone and figurative language), and use them myself quite often and I have very good motor control (the opposite is not necessarily a symptom, but is present in many cases). I obviously have issues with interpersonal relations (as exemplified in my previous post), and my speech is usually overly formal even in casual settings (also, not necessarily a symptom, but it is a behavior that is present in many cases).

I don't seem to meet all the criteria without taking extreme examples from my life, so I probably do not "officially" have AS, but I have some/many of the aspects. (the DSM-IV criteria almost fits, Gillberg's Criteria fails on multiple counts). So, if anything, I would be on the "mild" end of the spectrum.

Over the past 10 years I have only kept one close friend, but he has many of the same issues as me which has probably worked to strengthen our friendship. The rest of my friendships slowly fade over time for one reason or another.

Thanks for the info, I'll probably extend my research on AS, as it can only help to know more.

Okay, no problem. Stick around this AvPD forum too because there are a lot of people who can identify with it. For example, it is very similar to social anxiety and agoraphobia. Also, don't be too 'picky' about which disorder you have. Just choose the one that you think describes you the best. I mean, it would be diffucult to find one that describes you perfectly.

Kevin

Well, I've been thinking about this for the last few days and observing my own actions with regards to other people, and you may be right. My actions and personality actually seem to be pretty consistent with the criteria for AS, I'm not as good as I thought at reading intentions, and I do have some difficulty in communicating ideas and feelings to others.

I also took the first quiz (rdos) on the AS forums and scored a 103 out of 200 for the AS score, I'm not sure how good of a test it is or where exactly 103 puts me.

I will stick around here, no need to divide a community when we can help each other.

Hi,

A score of 103 is quite vague. I mean, it doesn't tell us much exactly. Did you answer the test based on who you are now, or who you were in the past (i.e. - as a child)? I would advise only considering Asperger's Syndrome if you think that having this 'tag' will help you. In my case, for example, I don't particularly want to be officially diagnosed with it, but sticking around the Asperger's forum here allows me to be around people that I can relate to a lot. I mean, there's understanding there on a fundamental level.

I think it would be too extreme to label yourself as AvPD, in my honest opinion. You fit so many of the people I meet it's almost crazy. A lot of people out there suffer from social anxiety, and for good reasons.

You don't seem to sound as affected as the AvPD candidates I personally know, but since I don't personally know you, I definitely wouldn't want to conclude anything either way. However, you sound much more like my ex, who I'd hesitate to say is AvPD at all. He has some 'Aspie' traits and much social/generalized anxiety.

My boyfriend's parents, I'm convinced, suffer from very severe social phobia that could probably easily be labeled as AvPD. Their lives are pretty damn severely affected by it--his mom almost never leaves the house, seems in a constant state of alexithymic detachment, and was visibly very terrified when I met her. His dad will refuse to take pictures of things in public because of how it will make him look to people. He keeps a constant, false attitude to deal with people, and he's been severely depressed most of his life. Neither of them are married, both are single. They are acutely miserable and paranoid.

You sound more like me, and I, too, have some AS traits (less than I used to), am an introvert and have been hurt by people and loss many times. The answers to my own behaviour stem from real experiences I can recall easily, as well as a sensitive nervous system (diagnosed, actually -- dysautonomia, "MVPS," etc.). I don't have AvPD but I am a recluse, mostly because of depression these days. All I'm saying is, don't be so fast to give yourself such a severe self-diagnosis; 'disorder' is not a word to use lightly, as it usually indicates pretty pronounced impairment.

Addendum: actually, you remind me a hell of a lot of my boyfriend, reading through this thread. He's why I'm here. :D I'm trying to make sure he avoids (lololool) becoming a diagnosable AvPD person. He's not quite there yet, I don't think.

Actaully, I think I agree with you now. After having read more on the subject and reading some of the stuff here, I think it would be extreme to call myself AvPD. From what I read, the disorder did not sound as severe as I can now see it is. I guess through a series of misundersatndings and bad memories I came to my original conclusion. I'm worse than most people I know in social situations, but I agree that my self diagnosis was to severe.

This week has been extremely enlightening and I now know much more about myself and my problems. Thanks to both of you for all your help.