A Life Alone

Nicolletta13 wrote:

A Red Herring wrote:

Nicolletta13 wrote:I'm going to.

Whether I actually want to or not is beside the point.

Why do you say that?

Since I'm never going to have a husband or boyfriend, even though I'd like one, I'm going to be alone.

Never say never!

Maybe you'll meet somebody here.

A Red Herring wrote:Do you want to spend your life alone?

No, I don't. But in the back of my head, I believe that I will be be alone, always and forever. I began to believe that when I was about 13, and it has come true. Whether a self-fulfilling prophecy or fate, I don't know.

I've been in love several times, though, and even married (but then divorced 4 years later). It has always been me that has broken it off. Love feels heady, and I can be with someone for a while, even years, but sooner or later I feel smothered, and I need my space. That is the schizoidy me, I suppose, rather than the avoidant.

I'm so used to things not working out, or being perceived as "weird" or "different," that I hardly bother anymore to try to initiate a relationship.

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Frozen Flame wrote:No, I'm not going to spend my life alone. I have my dogs.

I like my dog, but I must admit, I am a cat person. I rather like the cat's independent style and ability to just do what it wants, when it wants.

I like cats 'cause you don't have to walk 'em.

I'm definitely starting to feel as if, I don't belong here... My mindset is constantly shifting, either avoidant, schizoid, or narcissistic, yet generally, I find myself accepting that, I will not be entering into any close relationships: out of both fear, and compassion (for it's easy to see how we punish those we care about, at least I do)

No I wouldn't like to spend my life locked in a dark cage all by myself, that sense of "alone" is not the one I seek.

I don't think I'd mind being the only human left on Earth, I think after a short while you'd come to terms that you are the only one, and there doesn't need to be a concept of "alone" anymore.

When are we ever alone? On a delicate web we tread, closely linked with everyone around, even if it isn't obvious. I have a few friends...and they can usually silence the nagging boredom for a little while. This is all I hope for in my lifetime

As for sleeping alone, dwelling alone, draining sexual drives alone (If only it was as easy to soothe my hunger by rubbing my belly), I hardly think I need companionship for these basic parts of my life. And I don't want it either. I'm not worth someone else's effort, and that doesn't need to be a sad thing anymore, I can see it clearly now: if I don't want it or need it, and I am not worth it, there is no point in me not being alone.

I want to live, a short life, and I don't want to hurt anymore people or animals (at least, want to hurt as least as possible)

by simply attaching them to my tragedian life I associate them with the unappealing truths of my future, and that is something I am NOT interested in.


I don't live in reality, right now I rent a place in easy to accept delusions, circular logic and distorted perceptions. I can't know what's right or wrong anymore, because I no longer even believe those terms exist. What I hope for, is that by carrying on this avoidant life, I can have my length on life's stage and be gone from it, with as little part played as possible.