Night Time

If I'm going to feel really alone and hopeless, it will happen at night. During the day I work and I usually have enough activity to keep my head occupied and keep the emptiness buried especially since there are enough people around to serve as Splenda for the avoidant -- you know pseudo-ocial contact substituting from real friendships or relationships. It's not so easy to bury these thoughts at night. It's not like I'm going to call anyone or ask someone to do something with me since I always assume I would interfering in their "real" life. So it's usually at night when my inability to connect with anyone, except on a superficial level, becomes overwhelming and I see my bleak past and bleak present leading to an equally bleak future. Fortunately, I've begun to shut the chatter in my head off to some degree. The thing is I don't mind being alone if I can my mind occupied with anything else but the miserable feeling of being lonely and unwanted.

I like and dislike night, just depending. The reasons I would dislike it: Lying alone in bed, my thoughts will absolutely torment me. I don't like to be left alone with my mind when there's nothing to distract it. It reminds me I'm in pain; that my life isn't balanced or in order. And that at this time of day, I can't turn to anyone because no one is awake. I probably wouldn't actually seek company most the time anyway, but just the thought of knowing I can't makes it all the worse.

So I've ended up coping by staying up and busy until I know if I were to go to bed, I'd be out relatively soon. And just for good measure, I put on a TV show or something ( South Parks' been the favorite of late ) to keep my thoughts at bay while I try and drift off. The down side to this is I end up living 30 hour days; staying up as long as it takes, and then needing more sleep because of it. It doesn't do well for keeping any kind of schedule either. I constantly have to try and abruptly adjust so I can be available when family or friends need me. I also must have a job soon, so the schedules' gonna have to go when that happens.

The reasons I like night: It's crunch time, heh. I get stuff done on my computer because of the impending "I really should get to bed...". It's also nice because no one else is up or around most of the time. I love there being no traffic. I make Wal-Mart runs all the time at night. It's just quiet and I know I can be completely undisturbed.

Along what others have brought up, if I'm to feel depressed, evenings are the time. Midday my mind is still taking in information and I'm trying to decide what to do. By evening it's time to process all that information and regret not doing anything with my day. I guess I might feel depressed during the day as well, but I don't really "experience" the feeling until later, for lack of a better way of putting it. I could go on, but I think this is more than enough blabbering for now, heh.

i love nightime. i always feel more productive or creative at night to.. mornings is the worst for me. i either dont get up and feel like $#%^ or if i do get up if i have work i just feel completely depressed anyway.

I prefer the nights cause its harder for ppl to see my face.