A Reason to Live

The only thing that's keeping me from trying to commit suicide again is I promised my mom and sister after the last time that I wouldn't try again. I hope to be dead within five years if I can't change the way I am though, I just won't help it along. My family finds this way of thinking depressing but I find it practical in a sad way. Until then though I try to enjoy the small things like reading a good book or playing with my dog to pass the time. Sorry if you find this depressing... Hope everything turns out alright for you.

LonelyFreak89 wrote:The only thing that's keeping me from trying to commit suicide again is I promised my mom and sister after the last time that I wouldn't try again. I hope to be dead within five years if I can't change the way I am though, I just won't help it along. My family finds this way of thinking depressing but I find it practical in a sad way. Until then though I try to enjoy the small things like reading a good book or playing with my dog to pass the time. Sorry if you find this depressing... Hope everything turns out alright for you.

I don't find it depressing because I think in the same way. In fact, I reapeatedly set certain time-frames within which I expect to kill myself. At the moment, my intention is to do it when I finish-up at college and get a full-time job. At the first sign of the full-time job being the same boring thing that I expect it to be, then that's when I'll do it. I cannot imagine staying in the one job for more than a few months.

I don't expect to die 'naturally'.



Asuka, thanks for the history lesson (as always!); and that's very interesting about suicide and the Christian faith. Can I just ask you - and I want a brief answer - what your opinion is on euthanasia?

Kevin

Chucky wrote:Thanks for your words, Hypnotic Robot. I'm guessing that you have suffered with these thoughts for such a long time in your life, given how calm you seem to be from your post. These thoughts suck the life out of us, don't though? That's rather like a pun... ...hehe


Kevin

What complicates things even more is that my own negative/self destrutive thinking makes it seem as though at times i am swimming against the tide. At those times you just have to either push through or ride it out.

Asuka wrote:Its like you just read my mind with that post Kevin. I too hate when people say suicide is a cowards way out. In ancient Rome and not so Ancient Japan suicide, or Seppuku was considered a highly honourable way to die for atonement of dishonour or what we would call Sin now.

Kind of funny how cultures differ. In our culture most people would agree that suicide is a dishonorable way to die. Not only is it typically a dishonor to the person but to their family aswell. I know when I was still living at home I used to think what a horror it would be for a family member to find me with my brains splattered on a wall or hanging from the ceiling. That would leave a scarring image on a family member, especially a parent.

Okay, I'm feeling the worst I've ever felt now for a year and suicide is a central thought on my mind. However, the problem of who will find my dead body is something that I often think about too, and I certainly wouldn't want a family member to find it. Anyway, Asuka, you couldn't have given a better view on Euthanasia. Obviously, I agree with you. As far as I'm aware though, it's only legal in Holland and Switzerland.

Kevin

Chucky, what triggered these feelings?

It is due to my eating habits - I'm Bulimic. That is the only reason why I am like this at present. I feel useless and fat, despite actually being on the lower end of the weight-scale for my age and height. That's how the mind works: It tricks you and turns you into a delusional person.

I've read discussions about suicide on other forums before, but nothing like this! I have a deeply seeded core of apathy in my brain towards pretty much everything so I would be lying if I said I was concerned with anyone's thoughts of suicide. I know it's a cold thing to say when laid out on the table like that, but it's the mentality we all share isn't it? It's what makes this forum unique. So I say............ Suicide is an ideal that I think about from time to time, and I know it will soon be overcome by my narcissism so I will probably never go through with it. When I'm SERIOUSLY tired of life I'll probably just take up some really extreme sports in the hope that my parachute won't open or something. I personally don't think I have the guts to kill myself. If I did I probably wouldn't be here writing this right now would I? Eh, I'm only 24. I'll give it a while longer.

Hi,

It doesn't sound an entirely 'cold' thing to imply that you don't care about someone else's suicidal thoughts. After all, you have your own problems to deal with and you should be dealing with them first. I have to admit to also being too scared to take my own life too, so, I sometimes take risky behaviour in the 'hope' that a fatal accident befalls me.

Kevin

Theres not a day that goes by where I dont think and fantasize about suicide, (though it has been less severe the past month, because of exercise I think)

I dont think I ever would bite the bullet, atheism is the only thing keeping me here. The thought of not existing, not feeling, not being, gives me an unexplainable emptiness. I couldnt do it.