Your typical weekend.

i kind of have made a progress here. when I was living in Poland, especially at dorm (which meant sharing rooms) i felt worst at the weekends, usually stayed in, often went to see concerts - usually on my own. the few people i called my friends were usually 'busy' (which i used to take very personally). other typical things i did was visiting music shops on my own, wandering about etc. (and wishing no one that knew me would see me there. And wasn't always like that - sometimes i did go out, met people, went to the cinema etc.

then i moved to London and even though i didn't know anyone, the weekends felt easier because even the most confident person in a new country doesn't have friends immediately. now it's a bit different - I'm just made new friends (not exactly friends, just people who to hang out with) and we usually do something together. or i go for a day out with a friend who lived in another city.

I've found that London gave me some confidence in the end - mostly because people come and go here all the time and everyone always is looking for new friends.

in my family weekend was also about chores, TV, family walks etc. I always felt inferior when people were talking about their weekend and felt that everyone else had an exciting life.

I stay at home because I have nowhere to go.

I had an untypical weekend. I met with a 'friend' (I think she is really a friend, but that scares me) and we went out later. I came home at 7 in the morning. It was okay,but I don't need to do that every weekend. I'm afraid my friend will assume now,that I will join her next weekend again. I can enjoy social interaction (and disclosure also),but I'm always afraid of the consequences (other people expecting things from me, social pressure, meeting more people due to chain reaction...). If I culd wake up after each social experience like from a dream I would be perfectly sociable.

I feel as if I have to wear a mask.

That's exactly what makes social encounters exhausting for me. For most people social contacts lead to increased energy for other things,because disclosing themselves makes them relaxed. Put I have to put more and more energy into this and I feel exhausted afterwards. I can pretend for sometime that I'm a social being, but it's hard work for me and I have less energy for other things.
I'm afraid I will not be able to finnish my study program (which is really perfect for me) if I put too much effort in social things. I definitely need to change something.

I have been out of school and in the professional work force for a long time. I am glad that I was a serious student and completed my education. It does give me less to worry about as I don't have to worry about having a job and being able to pay my bills.

However, while those people who do nothing but party and don't study are setting themselves up for regret later, people who found a balance do seem better off. In most fields, being smart or having the training or education are always good, but success frequently also involves networking with people. The more socially adept have a better chance at success.

I came out of college knowing no one and have no connections from my undergraduate days to bring in business or find a job, if I needed one. From grad school, I do know a few people, but I don't maintain social contact with them - I just encounter them sometimes because we all work in the same field. I notice some of my colleagues have some professional advantages over me from being in a sorority/fraternity or some college club or some other group with some social aspects, even if it's just a group of friends that continue to get together to play cards, watch sports on TV, or something. I never did that. I now wish I had. I think. I guess I wasn't able to do that.

Actually, I'm in an excellent position to socialize with people who might benefit my career later. My study program consists of only 16 people. Some of them are going to have a beer in a pub near my house. I should join them, but I don't feel like it. It's only girls which means they will all dress up and it will be fun, fun, fun. It would be more relaxed with a mixed group I guess.

It has changed over the course of a few years of my college career, and it's for the worse.

Freshman year, some of the guys down the hallway knew of parties nearly every weekend, so I occasionally went with them, but I didn't find any enjoyment in them.

Sophomore year, I usually just stayed in my room and watched a movie or something. Occasionally I would go play poker with some of the very few friends that I had.

Junior year, I hardly ever left my dorm room. I was either watching a movie or studying.

Senior year (current), I sit in my dorm room every weekend, either surfing the net, playing video games, playing online poker, or studying for an upcoming exam. On an added note, every now and then I can hear a guy a few rooms down the hallway having sex with his girlfriend, and it makes me feel extremely depressed.

JMX29 wrote:Senior year (current), I sit in my dorm room every weekend, either surfing the net, playing video games, playing online poker, or studying for an upcoming exam.

Just reading your recitation, I think you know you need to change that current situation. Think about what you can do to change it. You need to get out of that room. Sign up for something that forces you out; study in the library instead of your room; go to some free student events on campus, even if you're just going alone and standing in a group of strangers. You have to be out of your room for any opportunity to arise; no one is going to come to your room to rescue you there. College will be over soon enough and some of the opportunities will not arise again as an adult in the workforce.

Skog wrote:

JMX29 wrote:Senior year (current), I sit in my dorm room every weekend, either surfing the net, playing video games, playing online poker, or studying for an upcoming exam.

Just reading your recitation, I think you know you need to change that current situation. Think about what you can do to change it. You need to get out of that room. Sign up for something that forces you out; study in the library instead of your room; go to some free student events on campus, even if you're just going alone and standing in a group of strangers. You have to be out of your room for any opportunity to arise; no one is going to come to your room to rescue you there. College will be over soon enough and some of the opportunities will not arise again as an adult in the workforce.

I occasionally study at the union and library, but I don't see how that would really help the cause. Besides, my mind is afraid of human interaction. It's much easier to say to go out and make friends when your mind is completely normal, but for me it's something so hard to overcome that I'll need therapy. Plus, my social skills are very limited. I really have no clue how to carry on a conversation.

JMX29 wrote:I occasionally study at the union and library, but I don't see how that would really help the cause. Besides, my mind is afraid of human interaction. It's much easier to say to go out and make friends when your mind is completely normal, but for me it's something so hard to overcome that I'll need therapy. Plus, my social skills are very limited. I really have no clue how to carry on a conversation.

I'm not trying to talk you out of therapy. I'm just saying you need to be out of your room to at least create opportunities for human interaction.

I think studying at the union/library is good. Keep that up. Add other opportunities if you can. If you can get some therapy, all the better. You will already have some places to interact. If therapy is being postponed for any reason, you never know who may come up and start a conversation with you, or you may find some spontaneous effort arises. Being in your room most of the time, though, means no progress is made.

Good luck.