Do you feel you have an unloveable personality.

000

Nicolletta13 wrote:It's not that I feel "unloveable", it's just that I feel like I'm the most boring person alive. I don't like crowds or parties or noise or drinking or drugs. Carrying on a conversation is torture because I don't know what to say or I'm afraid I'll say something stupid and be teased to death about it (my own family has done that, and now they wonder why I'm such a "private" person). The loneliness sometimes gets to me, like now.

My birthday is tomorrow and, of course, will have no one to celebrate it with. *le sigh*

I also don't feel "unlovable" per sé, but my reasons don't really come down to feeling boring or disregarded by people. I feel like I'm just far too "different" to be admired by anyone. I feel as though I am plenty of different people blended into one. And none of those people inside of me are anything like a general person. I feel completely un-human. And humans don't like to like what they can not accept as similar to them. They are, in many ways, a narcissistic race of creatures.

But even disregarding that, my tastes, interests, everything. They're far too eclectic and they share no relation to each other. They're always changing and so I'm never fully one person. It's hard for someone to "love" more than one person. So it seems kind of useless to even search for it, when I know I will be broken once again because once someone thinks they understand me, they will be proven wrong and leave.


Happy birthday for tomorrow, though, Nicoletta. I would say that I would celebrate it with you, but don't have any way to do so. I do wish you well, however. If you can not celebrate it with anyone meaningful, then I suppose at least you can do what you enjoy. Since you don't enjoy parties or crowds, you are free to express yourself in a way that you can have "fun" (whatever that means anymore anyways) in solitude.

I'm personally not much for birthdays. Find them boring and uninteresting. New Year's just the same. Everyone celebrating living another year on this increasingly unaccepting planet. But anyways, I digress. I hope you do find something to enjoy if it is a day that you feel you need to enjoy. You deserve that much, at least.

I also feel like I'm completely boring and worthless. I'm not smart, I'm not talented, I'm not creative, and I don't have any major interests. There's just...nothing there. I'm like the empty shell of a person. I don't think there's anything deep about me. I can't connect to other people. I see other people who form deep and intense and loving friendships and I just...don't have that capability. Maybe it's because there's nothing interesting about me so I have nothing to talk about...nothing has ever happened to me in my past and I don't have any real interests and I never really do anything very interesting. Maybe it's because I'm just bad at opening up. I make friends with a group of people because I can be funny and cynical about everybody in the "mainstream"... its my only good quality. And then without noticing it, I end up sharing nothing about who I really am. Soon I know everything about my friends' lives, to the point where they can talk about other people they know like they're mutual friends because everyone in the group knows the "cast of characters" in other people's lives. And me, I'm just a blank. So everyone else gets closer to each other and I'm left out in the cold because I don't bring anything to the group, so why should they want to be friends with me?

Yep, thats right

I have no personality.

I believe my personality would change once I get to know a certain girl better.

As a complete stranger, I'm extremely shy, I never talk, and I'm usually frowning.

But if I met a girl, and we start talking on a regular basis, I think I can open up pretty well and get very creative with our conversations....but I don't know why I've never gotten this far =(

I can't stand myself. So, I can't imagine anyone actually liking me.

I must have. I seem like a good guy to myself. But it seems like I am some kind of repulsoid to the world.

Morrisey from The Smiths summed me up perfectly in this regard. I was literally on the floor spell-bound by the fact that someone I've never met was the one person that knew how I really felt. That's why his quote is my signature.

That's a great quote!