Do you feel happier when your not trying to fight a.v.p.d.

I can definatly relate to that. The only way out of my last period of depression was to completly give up and accept that I am a loser and I will die alone and nothing I can do will ever bring me happiness. I stopped caring at all about anything. I'm not happy, but I'm not crying for hours every day wishing I could die. So that is an improvment.

As you say, I know that I am wasting my life. But I don't care much about that either anymore.

Yes. Yes I can relate.

Life's easier staying in my comfort zone rather than trying to push out of it. Life's more relaxing not doing things differently over putting myself through stressful, and at a point tiring situations.

Yeah, it's more depressing to resign your avoidant life..... But it's more comfortable, you could say.

Having AvPD sucks but I kind of feel like it isn't worth the effort to become normal and be social and have relationships. It's too hard and trying causes too much anguish. I'd rather try to become like the classic loner, pretty much like I am now except not depressed about it.

Yea but part of avpd is the longing for social contact. I think it would be easier to eliminate that desire than to actually satisfy it.

Yea i've thought about that too.

I've thought about a lot of ridiculous $#%^.

Like becoming a mercinary and killing people for a living. Or joining the peace corps and being shipped off to africa to teach people how to use computers or some $#%^. I've thought about just hiking up into the mountains and living in the forest like a hermit. I've thought about just packing a bag and hitch hiking around the country living like a hobo. I've even thought about just closing my mouth and never saying another word again and staring at the cieling in a mental hospital waiting to die.

I don't think I would fit in anywhere. I'm not fit for socieity.

edit: dumb post when I was really hyper

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The less I fight, the worse it gets. It might feel more comfortable for a short while, but over the course of a few days (or weeks, years - the length of my down phases varies...) I just get more and more down, the more I isolate myself.