What is your ideal woman or man?

I've been attracted to chics on all ends of every spectrum. Haven't been able to pin down anything that they have in common. Physically or personality-wise.

In highschool I had crushes on preps, geeks, atheletes, goths, and druggies. Some of them were smokin hot, some not so much. I typically like hippie chics. Like if she smokes pot and listens to the grateful dead, that is hot.


The ones that I tend to like the most though are just who ever is nice to me(which is rare), any female that I've been sort of friends with I have developed feelings for to some degree. Psych 101 taught me that the more time people spend together the more they like each other, the more you like somebody the more attractive they seem. I suppose with the obvious exception of two people that just rub each other the wrong way.

-----

Another_Shinji wrote:Firstly for me if I truly love someone she could be as ugly as sin and I would still love her. When you truly love someone you love "her" not the vessel that she is contained in.

Is that so? You're speaking in the conditional mode - has this ever happened to you?

There is a guy in my life at the moment who would be just perfect for me, apart from a few superficialities like the fact that he is 20 years too old for me and physically rather unattractive. Kind, funny, sensitive, intelligent, artistic, balanced, shares my attitudes and tastes in many ways, an extrovert who really gets me "out there" a bit. And he's interested in a relationship with me. He's good for me. The thing is, I love him like crazy - I'm just not "in love" with him...
I like to imagine that's because I just don't fall in love with anyone (last time was about, uh, 13 years ago?), but I couldn't swear that it wouldn't be a different thing if he was young and gorgeous (preferably a slightly androgynous look...).Shame on me, but I can't make myself fall in love, can I?
I think a lot of people would settle for this nevertheless. But I want more. If I'm not in love - racing heartbeat, dizziness, blushes etc. whenever he's around - I'd rather stay on my own. I'm very all or nothing in this matter.

I'm not even sure what "giving it a chance" would entail, I mean, what am I expected to do?

"have a relationship with him"... lol. I don't do that kind of thing. That's what I meant, I don't know how it works. Am I supposed to sleep with him? Anyway, we don't live in the same country - what could we do other than hang out with each other the few times a year that we physically meet. We already do that, so...

I don't know the first thing about love - to me there's just not such a big difference between that and friendship, to other people that difference seems to mean the world...

Josephine wrote:I don't know the first thing about love - to me there's just not such a big difference between that and friendship, to other people that difference seems to mean the world...

Sorry to generalize and be so condescending towards a select group of people... But whoever those people are, they seem overly ignorant.

To me, true friendship is just as rare as true love. Maybe this is where the static lies. They believe friendship is supposed to come and go, when I couldn't possibly believe such a thing.

A true friend is someone who will not betray you. And good luck finding a "friend" who won't betray you if they think it's the "right thing to do".

You can't trust anyone for anything. And that includes acquaintances who claim to be "friends". This is part of the reason I don't believe in friendship, unless love is involved. And love (the true kind - not this puppy love everyone seems to fool themselves into believing is true love) itself seems like the rarest feeling to accomplish.

Unconditional love is not something many people truly feel. And if you can't feel that, then how can you even claim to be "so in love".

Maybe I'm a cynic, but that's beside the point.

You may think you know less about love than the average person, but I guarantee you that most of them are probably just as (if not, more) clueless as (than) you.

Anyways, in response to your queries, I suggest just allowing your relationship to just evolve however it plans to evolve. Relationships often take twists and turns based on impulsiveness and the "feeling of the moment". And all you need is one moment to make a difference.

Don't look for this "moment", but allow it to look for you.

Though, everyone is different. But I'm basing the above on the theory (can't pass it for fact, because I don't know what fact is anymore) that I didn't allow myself to believe any of it. And so I ended up alone.
-In my case, though, this was a terrific occurrence. Solitude is all I know. And all I particularly want to know.-

I'm not sure what you mean by "unconditional love", and I'm not sure I'm able to feel that or whether I even expect that much of another person.

But you're right, a lot of people seem to think of friendship as a less important thing compared to a "love relationship" (whatever they mean by that). That's what I'm afraid of with this guy. I fear that once I make it clear that I don't want to be his girl friend, he'll ditch me altogether, even as a friend, because, you know, "it would be too painful" etc bla bla... So I just try to act normal and ignore his wooing. The thing is, men tend to interpret a lack of reaction as quiet acquiescence, and I don't want to be seen as the bitch who leads him on for months and then gives him the "let's just be friends" line, once he actually asks.
God, I wish I knew how this game was played, but I just never learned.

Sorry, I just realized that I've hijacked this thread for my personal problems. Sorry.

That's funny - I've always (also over-idealistically, no doubt) thought that, if you really love someone, then a geographical difference should be the least of your problems. Unless of course there is visa trouble etc. Well, there isn't. And I'm mobile. I could move. I won't, though.

About the age difference - the only thing that worries me about that, is that he might be specifically looking for a younger woman so he can still start a family. That is so not in my plans... Also that might mean that my age is the best argument for me, not so much my personality.

But then, of course, all of this is ridiculously hypothetical, because I'm just not in love with him.

I suppose the only reason why I think about this at all is that it feels so new and interesting to even have that opportunity. Plus we have mutual friends who would probably find it really cute if we got together. This would cement my integration into that community. For the first time in my life I would be really in with people. The thought alone makes me dizzy. But then, no, who am I fooling... I couldn't have a love relationship if I wanted to. And I think I don't really want to.

Again, sorry for hijacking.

Love him but not in love with him. I've never really understood that.

I may have found the ideal woman. This woman at work. She has worked there for a couple of years, but only in the past couple of months have I had a chance to talk to her a bit. Smart. Sensitive. Pretty. There has to be something seriously wrong with her. The last woman who seemed ideal like this turned out to be an alcoholic bipolar.

I don't really have something like an ideal man. But it is important that I'm best friends with him, not just lovers. And he should take me seriously but also share my sense of humour. And he should be special in some way, not superficial or avarage. Being open and tolerant is also important.
And somehow I observed that I'm especially attracted to guys who look younger than they really are. Alpha males are so ridiculous.