I just want to be normal.

I think I only had a mild case of AvPD in comparison to some in this forum.... I feel like I've come out of it for the most part, but there are still bits and pieces that will never go away. I think I will always have bad self-esteem, shyness, rejection sensitivity, trust issues, blah blah...... It won't go away, but it can allieviated.

I think recovery is determined by the degree of it all (you, in other words), and your treatment.

Treatment of avoidant personality disorder can employ various techniques, such as social skills training, cognitive therapy, exposure treatment to gradually increase social contacts, group therapy for practicing social skills, and sometimes drug therapy.[8] A key issue in treatment is gaining and keeping the patient's trust, since people with APD will often start to avoid treatment sessions if they distrust the therapist or fear rejection. The primary purpose of both individual therapy and social skills group training is for individuals with avoidant personality disorder to begin challenging their exaggeratedly negative beliefs about themselves.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Avpd
I like that one... Kind of hopeful, really.

The social skills article made me laugh... Oh, the memories.

This especially gave me memories:
Verbal -
Smoothness of delivery (lacks stuttering, awkward pauses, etc.)
Intelligible speech (not too loud or soft, not dropping off the end of sentences)
Variable tone (avoidance of a monotonous tone)
Appropriate sense of humor

Good times, good times....

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Yeah, it seems like you hear more stories of bad therapists than good.

I like CBT..... Never been under it by means of another person, anyway. I did sort put myself through it on my own. It's a good thing, because it changes distorted thoughts into 'healthier' ones. It is brainwashing for that reason, but you're not being turned for something bad.


I can't ever see myself living as fully as others, but some degree of normality is better than nothing. I feel so empty without...... eh, all of it. I'm not looking for a busy, wild life, but just enough of a few things.

Ahhh, if I set the standards low enough, I can do anything! xD

Sorry.

Sun_Girl wrote:I can't ever see myself living as fully as others, but some degree of normality is better than nothing. I feel so empty without...... eh, all of it. I'm not looking for a busy, wild life, but just enough of a few things.

Ahhh, if I set the standards low enough, I can do anything! xD

I like your attitude.

No, seriously, I agree. I've decided not to put myself under any form of formal therapy, because I don't want someone else to ###$ with my brain in order to make me normal. But I've decided to try and change a few things about myself on my own. Believe me, even if I succeed I'll still be weird enough, so there's no need to be scared of losing myself... Obviously even "treating myself" involves a certain change of character, but because it's my own decision it's still *me*. Personalities are not static, they change, and what's more empowering and self-affirming than deciding to move on and then doing it? (Yeah, I know, sometimes it feels impossible, but with a bit of luck, in the right circumstances, it can actually work.)

Well, there are many things that you can do to change... the problem is actually doing them. I mean, if you don't like your present self then change it? I know it's not easy but it can be done, and it takes time and determination. I know this from experience. The problem with PDs is that they complain a lot but don't do anything at all to improve... I mean, nothing is going to happen unless you do something. I am guilty of that myself.

You can always do small changes, you can change your lifestyle to be more healthy, the brain is an organ too and what happens to the body affects the mind. You can also try self help CBT. Self-improvement and sould searching helps a lot too. Therapy is always good, I know there are bad therapists out there but there are also good ones. Medication is nice if things are too much to bear. Expositional therapy is something that MUST be done if you hope to make some improvements.

Now personally I've done a lot of improvement since I learned about avpd. I've come a loooong way since the sad, self hating, angry kid I once was. I've had some "help" with expositional therapy from some rather uncaring parents though. Even though I'm still a long way from recovery I'm at least trying to get there, even if slowly. I don't want to be like this forever and there are way too many good things in this world for me to commit suicide. There are many games to play, books to read, jokes to laugh at, philosophical ideas to tinker with, animes to watch, things to observe and even people to meet. I'm certainly not throwing my one shot at all that away so easily.

I think I'm far to cynical for self help techniques or CBT to help me. I already know all my #######4 is in my head and my thought patterns are flawed. I've tried telling my self positive stuff when I'm being pessimistic or feeling anxious. It doesn't work. It's not what I'm thinking. I feel like I'm lieing to myself and I feel like it's stupid as hell.

I'm afraid, I think, it's mostly about luck. Even avoidants meet different people throughout their lives. Sometimes you're lucky and it's someone who brings out the "real you" you've been hiding for so long. Then that's a good moment to grab that chance and go along with it, let it happen and put in some work yourself. Things might just come together.

I'm just learning about avoidant personality disorder so excuse me if I seem naive...I just have a lot of questions...girlfirend just got diagnosed. Why do you think ANYBODY is better than you? Who gets to say what is normal? Does the FACT that everyone is beautiful and has something to offer mean anything to you? Being perfect....whatever that is...is boring.

lifeistooshort wrote:Does the FACT that everyone is beautiful and has something to offer mean anything to you?

Is that a fact?

That sounds sort of interesting Sungirl. Was the self help c.b.t. any good and how does it work? I was thinking maybe self hypnosis or auto suggestion might be a good idea. Im open to anything but I tend to go for the self help stuff, must be the 10 percent Narc in me trying to get out ha ha.

There's a good example of what CBT looks like in the process on Wiki, I'll quote it up.... I think the effectiveness of self-help depends on the person.... But yeah, who'd rather go straight to an expensive therapist who might even be able to help much when you can try it all yourself? x) (Keyword was 'can', it depends on you)
Well, this is my experience with self-help, hope it's of use:
I've been doing self-help thing since I was a kid.... I had OCD-like problems, but I've discovered OCPD since coming here and that sounds more like what I used to have. For starters, I always had to do everything perfectly and was very ritualistic. I would flip out and often cry if I messed up something, like forgetting a school book at home or if I was late for some routine. So, I developed an internal parent (lol), who'd yell at me to calm down and stop crying and remind me it wasn't the end of the world. xD Took about two years but I'm over the worst of all that. Bleh.

I did similar for breakdowns when trying to get past AvPD problems. For motivating myself into getting into the social world, I'd just keep telling myself I could have a normal life if I just kept working for it. With effort, I could learn to live as everyone else. I targeted on my social anxiety first, had to kill that off in order to feel comfortable to even talk to anyone. I always thought of how alone and sad I was, how pathetic I felt, and used this to keep pushing myself. Sometimes I'd feel like I'd always suck at life (and be worthless) and no one would ever like me much, but I wanted to keep trying in hopes of being wrong (just wanted people and a normal, worthful existence).


Ooh, that came out long, looks braggish (that wasn't the intent at all!). It seemed it would be more helpful detailed, ya know? xD
Yeah, how about we swap methods and crap? What works for one person may not work for another, though.....

No, seriously, I agree. I've decided not to put myself under any form of formal therapy, because I don't want someone else to ###$ with my brain in order to make me normal. But I've decided to try and change a few things about myself on my own. Believe me, even if I succeed I'll still be weird enough, so there's no need to be scared of losing myself... Obviously even "treating myself" involves a certain change of character, but because it's my own decision it's still *me*. Personalities are not static, they change, and what's more empowering and self-affirming than deciding to move on and then doing it? (Yeah, I know, sometimes it feels impossible, but with a bit of luck, in the right circumstances, it can actually work.)

Not all therapists are good. Surely it would suck blowing money and personal info on a person who may not be able to help much, lol. Unless I had it really bad, I wouldn't go to one. As I am, I can handle it on my own. Just do whatever works for you. That last bit about luck and circumstances is very true.

This post is going the be huge, so I'm just going to say Ikari Shinji's post is totally true. Power to that post (yeah that sounded gay, but funny tehe).