Roving

Lately I haven't been able to sleep consistently; when I can't get to sleep I have taken to driving around on country roads during the wee hours of the morning. I also find the irony of driving to nowhere when gas is 4 bucks a gallon rather funny...

I think I do this to feel an actual sense of privacy. I am constantly, painfully aware of anyone in my general slice of life and it drives me insane. I find myself snapping at my family because I just want to be ALONE. Completely and totally alone. I REALLY wish I was the last person on the planet, if only to stop worrying about anyone else and what they might think of me.

... I think I resent being born... into this world, or maybe just as the person I am... I find myself angry at myself and everyone else. I don't know what to do with myself. I'm just frustrated and I can't sleep because of how restless and unsatisfied I feel.

And screwing up my sleep cycle messes up my mood and everything else too!!! agh.

I couldn't stand to whine like this out loud... "paper" is good for that. A silent shoulder. Ugh. I still feel like I'm whining... (and there's so much I could still say)

Hey,

I don't go out for drives - and I don't even own a car - but I am sometimes out walking very early in the morning and it's so great not to encounter a single person outside. It's a liberating and wonderful feeling to imagine that you are the last person on Earth, free to do whatever you want. Then, when that first person comes along into your line of vision, you realise just how impossible that dream is.

I crave alone time too but I still live with my parents, so, it's hard to get. I let my parents know that I like being alone, however, and I express delight to them when they say they'll be gone somewhere for the day (They take it in good humour).

You know this already but it'd be great not to snap at your family. Do you still live with them or what?

Kevin.

I like to drive around with out anywhere in particular to go. It's nice to be alone and think. It's also nice to get out of the house with out having to deal with the anxiety that comes from actually having something to do out there.

Driving around for a few hours also makes my parents think I have a social life.

Chuck Berry-

Riding along in my automobile
My baby beside me at the wheel
I stole a kiss at the turn of a mile
My curiosity runnin'wild
Cruisin and playin' the radio
With no particular place to go.

I like that song...

I do kind of fantasize about having somebody beside me when I'm driving around.