I need somebody to help me

I more of less signed on here in a state of panic.I dont know what to do but i thought perhaps talking to people who are similar to me may calm me a little.I also dont mean to sound self indulgent but invariably that is often the nature of mental illness.Im 20 nowand a sufferer of both ocd and apd.I was not long ago diagnosed with ocd but till recently put down my extreme social inhibition to general nerves, shyness etc.It hasnt been a problem so to speak for a while until i got to university ( somehow i had managed to slowly build a good friendship network from around 16 onwards, although this process was definitely gradual.) I would purposely miss lectures or seminars just at the mere thought that i may be shown up, asked to talk or air an opinion. Even the simple task of answering my name to a register fills me with dread. As a consequence i just passed my first semester but missed the entire of my second, through what a casual observer could only deem as excessively lazy. Ive since come back but have to work over the summer to catch up.Socially also i feel as if im taking a downturn as every syllable or conversation,behaviour,action or anything done by me within my interaction with anybody i hold dear is held up to scrutiny.Everything feels like its falling apart.What i perhaps need is a stable relationship but the thought of intimacy is somehow so remote at times. I crave love more than anything but sex for some reason is hard for me to go through with at all lately and i feel pressured from those around me. Its not that im a prude.Not in the slightest.But my inhibitions are holding me back, affecting my work as well my relationships.Ive never held down a job which i try to cast off as pure lazyness to most people but in truth is down to fearof dealing with people that i feel may ridicule ( god knows for what.) Despite my awful grammar ( i apologise im in a state tonight) i am not without intellect> i have so many goals, ideas and aspirations.Not one could i fufill if i stay like this.I dont know what to do.If anybody understands me or could help contact me, add me to msn even.I need to reach out to somebody.xxxxxxxxx.

welcome to the board tommy

Hey Tommy. Sounds like you are going through the same kind of stuff I went though. I picked a major that didn't involve too much interaction. I went to class and took my exams. I had some trouble in a couple of labs, but I managed to survive. Never really made any friends. Never got any sex. I really regret not pursuing sex with college age girls now.

Have you looked into cognitave behavioral therapy?

First of all, welcome to the forums. I hope that they are helpful to you. I feel very identified with many of the things you've said. I am supposed to be a very intelligent person but I have yet to even set foot in a college, even though I was accepted at the best college of my country and I had a full scholarship, I made all sorts of excuses and procrastinated and finally dropped out even before beggining. I lost that opportunity forever. That feeling of having so much intelligence and ideas and creativity but not being able to do anything with them, all because of fear, it's a very unpleasant feeling.