Nothing left to lose

Hey folks

Where should i start? AvPD, it's probably my primary problem, although i don't believe in diagnostic categorizations.
Anyway... Over the years, my life's been slowly turning into a nightmare. A numb nightmare. I'm 21 years old and have no friends or a girlfriend. I'm basically alienated from the environment.
I don't know where to put myself and have nothing to live for. Maybe i should live for my truth...
I haven't left the house for a few months now. For the last couple of years i've been trying to fit in, playing like there's nothing wrong with me. It was dumb. I just recently realized that i'll never be able to live a normal life. It's clear as the sky. I'm just too restless and neurotic in general.
I can't live like that anymore... As strange as it seems, life fascinates me more than ever. It's like the soul is now more vibrant than ever, but the mind is dead, desert-like. I really feel like i mentally made it to the point of no-return, where i really have nothing left to lose. I feel no attachments anymore, all i gotta left is my own thoughts. The moral lines are also slowly melting. Just a bare soul of some sort from now on. I'm literally gasping for fresh air at this point. I ###$ my life up a long time ago, and now i gotta find my own way. It's the only option left that's worth considering. I don't wanna "live" the rest of my life as a goddamn vegetable but i don't wanna kill myself either. The world is just too beautiful and promising to leave it just yet. I gotta live it out, as much as i still can before i go. Alot of wandering, writing, learning about the factors that have made me who i am, learning about the human nature and having fun in general. Giving the NOW a priority. I'm not short on ideas.
I was thinking of finding a companion. Someone who is as far as i am... Enjoying life together and developing our story with spontaniety and experimentation, wherever it may take us. O yeah, sounds good to me! It's the only thing that makes sense right now in my messed up mind. Don't know where to find him though...

I really felt a strong need to write these few words down, as i'm sure there's many ppl here in a similar situations. Comment if you like. I'm sure there's a way for us.

BTW, i'm fresh here, just joined. Nice place!

I'll be your partner in crime. What did you have in mind?

RW, i'm serious about this. I know my romanticism sounds terribly cliche, but anyway... I'm just a rough down-to-earth realist from now on, that's all. I can't hold down a job for a very long time and i'm also unable to stay in school. Very soon, these things start killing me from inside. It's really suffocating. The current needs of my real self are of entirely different nature. By the way, i'm from Slovenia, that tiny little hen-shaped country at the very heart of EU... I'm sure some of you have probably heard of it.

Does anyone know where could i find folks like that? Any links to specific forums/chatboards filled with lost souls with a bad case of wanderlust?

I know you're serious. I wasn't kidding. It's too bad you're in Slovenia.