How were you as a child?

This topic is about exactly what it says on the title. I want to know how you guys were as children. Were you any different from now? Did you show any AvPD tendencies or were you completely normal until something happened later in your lives? I want to see if there is some kind of pattern here.

Personally, I was a weird, awkward, socially clumsy child. Never had any social skills, at all. Even so I wasn't really shy, I was quiet but it was more introversion than shyness, I wasn't afraid to speak my mind when I felt like it, I was shy around strangers but so is every child. I was incredibly naive, idealistic and innocent. I believed that you ALWAYS had to do the right thing and that rules were unbreakable and I expected everybody to do the same. I remember being very cheerful and optimistic and I had the ridiculous belief that if I kept always doing the right thing without wavering, life would reward me and things would finally take a turn for the better (this belief I actually kept for an incredibly looooong time until I finally realized just how unbelievably stupid it is). I still had a low self-esteem (I have no idea how it feels to have a good self-esteem) but the fact that I was worthless didn't seem to bother me at all. I just knew I was worthless and that was it, everyone was better than me and it felt like that was the way things had to be.

Hey,

This is an interesting topic and I was actually quite similar to you (I think) in my youth. What stands out in what you wrote is the fact that you obeyed rules and stuff - Are you referring to things your parents told you, for example? I also did everything by the book and I never lied to my parents or any teacher. I remember once that I drew some black marks on the wall in school and everyone was shocked when I said to the teacher: "I did it". It meant that I didn't get into trouble too much.

...but - yes - I also had no social skills, 'never' talked to my family, only had friends that used me, was very 'weird', and had an atrocious diet. I have completely reversed how I live my life now, because I hate who I was.

Kevin.

Yeah I can see some of myself in what you two are saying. I was definitely more introverted than shy when I was little. I was homeschooled and on the rare occasions when my parents would make the effort to take me to play with other kids I would either ignore them and play with their toys or use them (not in a mean way, just that I saw them as other characters in my games, oblivious to the way other kids interacted and played together).

When I started school in 3rd grade I was weird. My mom is known for talking way too much without saying much of anything and I was the exact same way, having little experience with anyone outside my family (my dad is pretty shy and quiet, even though he can become extremely talkative when the subject turns to one of his many interests). I too thought I'd earn respect and happiness by following the rules and answering all the questions in class.

I don't remember when I realized what a loner was and that I wanted to have friends. That's when I went from being the weird kid to being the quiet kid. Then I started hating myself. I knew I was quiet and shy and I knew inside that there was something terribly, awfully wrong with being who I am. Maybe that's how introverts turn into avoidants, when we learn how much normal people abhor us.

from first to third grade i guess i was pretty much like any child, had alot of friends and so on. then i guess i started to notice a change in myself, i dont remember exacly how it happened but i have memories of sitting on a rock alone watching everyone running around playing games or whatever, and this girl approached me and asked if i wanted to play with them, without having any idea why, almost like a reflex, i just said "no, thanks".

I was SOOOO different when I was younger, it was like I was a different person. I was very care free......I didn't care what anyone thought of me and I feared almost nothing (except my abusive dad). I mean I think I was often times too carefree. I think behind everything though I hated myself......though the avoidant type behavior really didn't start until 6th grade. I still managed to maintain a pretty satisfiable social life until high school......everything went down hill then and I think it had something to do with the environment I lived in before (and that I moved away from all my earlier childhood friends). I was even offered by a few people to hang out with them but I never did out of fear or making myself look bad in front of them. One of my few true friends from my high school was my old girlfriend.....and even with her I acted very avoidant and strange to the point of her not wanting to be with me (though our relationship was very off and on).

Overall, I somewhat wish I was like how I was when I was younger minus the negatives I had.......it's strange how I felt so fine and open with people when I was younger until things changed later on.

Now a days I alternate between being like an avoidant around people..........and acting like I'm socially adept.....though I always end up stressing over what the other person thought eventually. So I guess the more shier side of me reigns supreme.

What stands in what you wrote is the fact that you obeyed rules and stuff - Are you referring to things your parents told you, for example?

Oh, yeah I was very obedient to anything my parents said (specially since not complying with them meant a session with the belt, if you know what I mean) but I also obeyed everybody who had any authority over me and all the rules no matter what but at the same time I was incredibly defiant if something didn't make sense to me and if something wasn't going according to the rules I would go INSANE, much to the annoyance of my friends.

Hmm... good topic. I was shy, but not much more than most kids. One thing that stands out from other posts is following rules and the like. I took pride in not becoming a problem for others. The only exception would be at home. I didn't care so much when my parents wanted me to do something. I was extremely well behaved outside of the home, and quite the opposite at home.

I've always preferred to keep to small groups of friends; never more than 3 or 4 of us. Oddly enough though, I was the "leader" so to speak of all these different groups of friends. Before High School I must've been a lot more assertive because people close to me always looked to me to make decisions. I rarely talked with anyone outside my group of friends though, so the only way I made friends was knowing without a doubt someone had common interests. I had to be sure if I struck up a conversation it would be well received and I'd have plenty interesting to say.

So even growing up, I've always had conditions needing to be met before I would open up. I hated raising my hand to ask questions. My question would either go unanswered, or I'd wait till the lecture was over. Then hopefully the teacher would allow the class to talk amongst themselves as they work, that way when I went up to the teacher’s desk no one would hear or care what I asked.

There was a short period of time, mostly during Middle School, were I was really "out there". Probably because my group of friends decided on a different school then any of our old classmates. Must of been that fresh start feeling; no one knew what to expect of me. I really wasn’t worried about impressions and stuff. I didn't really know with anyone new outside of school, but I was pretty well known around the school.

Moving into High School, the once shy tendencies became pretty avoidant. I dared less and less often to ask questions. My friends started going their own ways and I was never able to branch out and build new friendships. It was only a few years before life became so overwhelming I withdrew completely; dropped out and cut all ties with friends. I've since recovered a bit, but I miss how much easier it was as a kid.

That’s mostly all with schooling in mind… at home I was pretty bossy. My dad scared me though, so I was careful to make sure the day’s report my mom would bug him with didn’t get me in trouble. Around extended family I was well behaved. Didn’t want to cause problems or disappoint people. Same with church back when I went. The only other occasion I interacted with others often was playing city REC soccer. I played soccer almost every year till 8th grade. I was always very frustrated with the coach’s inability to control kids at practice. It was very much like having a substitute in class and no one respecting them as they would the teacher. That frustration in combination with increased worry about my ability to play as I got older caused me to miss a season or two, and I eventually just stop playing. I wish I’d just put up with it and continued playing looking back.

I was a shut in as a kid (I think my single mom enforced this and over-sheltered me). I basically read heavily (far above my grade level) and played video games.

I didn't really have any actual friends until late middle school at least; and I've only just recently become comfortable enough around some of these long term friends (4+years) to share parts of myself and my thoughts with them... and even that is limited (I always hold back more than I give); before that I was basically being a 'yes man' friend.

I can remember being extremely obsessive over grades, to the point that I can remember crying and having panic attacks when I didn't have my homework or a project done (I'm also an avid procrastinator??... I always seem to be avoiding what should be done at present because I'm not "inspired" to do it).

I would NEVER ask for help in school, even when I needed it. I still don't enjoy doing it, but I will if forced to.

In 6th grade I started refusing to go out on the playground... but I don't remember why? I'm pretty sure to avoid people.

Another oddity, my mom said I never really misbehaved EVER as a child, that I was always very quiet - never screaming like the kids you sometimes see out in public.

I also avidly followed the "RULES" as a kid (in fact, I wish I had a set of rules to follow now that would mean I was doing the RIGHT thing... but life is more ambiguous than that, unfortunately I still have black-and-white, all-or-nothing thinking usually).

I remember in highschool people were suddenly shocked when I started cussing (which I never did), and now I cuss like a sailor... even around my family.

So there ARE certain similarities and patterns. Introversion was pretty much a given, though I could see an extrovert becoming an avoidant, but I am surprised by how many of us were compliant children. It makes sense though, children who misbehave and are defiant would have more chances of developing a Cluster B personality disorder, while well behaved children are much more likely to become Avoidants.

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