So, my day.

dsgdsgresnuigerg

noodle wrote:Yes. I would rather live a life where I hate every minute of it, but if all it takes to keep my mum alive is a fake smile, then yes I would rather live like that.

Then why not just talk to her more "subtly". Tell her that you are more shy than you would like to be and would like support.
Now I don't know how depressed she is, and my mother tended to be pretty brain-dead in moment of deep depression.

Anyway, you really shouldn't aim for a life of pain.

Yes. I would rather live a life where I hate every minute of it, but if all it takes to keep my mum alive is a fake smile, then yes I would rather live like that.

Well no one can accuse you of being selfish. Maybe as far as your teacher goes, if none of your fears happen about what you've already said to her, you may feel a little more able to trust her. She's offered to be there if you want to talk to her, and she hasn't put a time limit on it.

dsgdsgresnuigerg

I was in the same situation when i was in school, i just skipped class everytime i supposed to do the speech. Started going back to class when i thought they had done everyone, and hopefully forgotten me, unfortunaly my teacher remembered and made a scene in front of everyone, of course i refused doing it, so she sent everyone out and i had to do the speech in front of her. I almost couldn't do it in front of her, stuttering and tripping on words. Yuck, never again.



You're 14? Wow, im 16 and almost thought i was the youngest here.

Noodle, I dunno if you're still around, but if you read this, I want to urge you to consider confronting this as soon as possible. This board is filled with twenty somethings (and older) that have wasted most of their life hiding in fear. The problem doesn't get better on its own. In fact, with AvPD it tends to get worse the longer you don't do anything about it.

You have an advantage in your youth that you understandably can't see right now, but it is amazing, take my word. If you get help and begin confronting it now, maybe you will get a chance to do the things so many of us had to miss. You will get an earlier start in life. More time to find happiness. Maybe less of the feeling of being "held back" or stunted adulthood.

Remember:

You and your mother are stronger than you think.
Our fear is stronger than what we fear.
It gets easier the more you do it. Not easy, but easier.
You deserve a happy life.