Has Anyone Met Someone Who Understands the Real You?

I told my ex girlfriend of one year that I had AvPD when we were going out. I don't think she really understood. I never felt like she really truly knew me. I felt like she only knew a part of me... The worst part is that I was totally fine with that.

Skog wrote:No. I haven't me anybody who understands me. Even after trying to tell a couple of people, their failure to provide the support I seek just shows me that they don't understand.

Amen. Not one person.

I've told someone just when I discovered it could be this. It's my new friend here in England who has been completely honest with me with her own mental problems and not only and in a sense she taught me that 'nothing will happen' if you tell someone. We can talk about anything right now and I'm really much happier that I have this close friend but I know it was only possible because the same person had much to say, too. I was listening to her attentively and I trust that I can do the same.
I'm at the point of telling other people who are close to me. I'm desperately trying not to lose the few friends I have and I feel that if I don't let them know 'the true me' I will never be able to get closer to them. But it's extremely difficult and I don't feel secure at all.

I still fantasize about finding someone who really understands me. I think it's just one of those unrealistic fantasies that AvPDers think about. Like the one about the aliens taking me on their ship to explore the universe. That would be cool too.

Parador wrote:I still fantasize about finding someone who really understands me. I think it's just one of those unrealistic fantasies that AvPDers think about. Like the one about the aliens taking me on their ship to explore the universe. That would be cool too.

Actually, all humans want to be understood. It seems to be one of our universal desires just like procreation. Avoidants just want it and need it a lot more desperately and it is also much harder to be understood when you are different from everyone else.

Being taken by the aliens is still a cool fantasy though, maybe I should give that one a try when I try to go sleep tonight.

Don't JUST fantasize. I try to maximize my chances by going outside on dark nights with a flashlight, shining it in the air, waving my arms and yelling "come get me ET, come get me!!"

Oh but that would require me to go outside my house into the outside world and I'm allergic to fresh air. I'll just stick to fantasizing.

I’ve dated a couple of women who were willing to tolerate, and even enjoy, some approximation of the “real” me. But I’ve never been able to show it all to anyone, all of the angst and insecurity, the constant sense of impending doom, the fear of death, the regard of human life as an appalling tragedy.

Yeah, that would really put most women off, I think. But if I can’t show that, there couldn’t be any decent relationship there. And if I did, what kind of relationship would it be? Worse than none, I’d bet.

Hermitage wrote:I’ve dated a couple of women who were willing to tolerate, and even enjoy, some approximation of the “real” me. But I’ve never been able to show it all to anyone, all of the angst and insecurity, the constant sense of impending doom, the fear of death, the regard of human life as an appalling tragedy.

I had a g/f recently who liked me even though i told her i was crazy, however when it came time to impress her parents, or in this case, aunt and aunty, it was quite hard because of how quiet i was, and of course the angst, insecurity and impending doom eventually would come out.

When we were alone she didnt mind that i was quiet, but when it came time to be with her friends she would yell, laugh and run around, whereas i just couldnt join in because of how depressed i feel inside. In the end she said she loves me but that we are very different, we pretty much broke up but the fact that she will always love me for who i am gives me hope that one day we will get married, even though i am the most fragile insecure person she will ever meet.

Portilloizay wrote:

Hermitage wrote:I’ve dated a couple of women who were willing to tolerate, and even enjoy, some approximation of the “real” me. But I’ve never been able to show it all to anyone, all of the angst and insecurity, the constant sense of impending doom, the fear of death, the regard of human life as an appalling tragedy.

I had a g/f recently who liked me even though i told her i was crazy, however when it came time to impress her parents, or in this case, aunt and aunty, it was quite hard because of how quiet i was, and of course the angst, insecurity and impending doom eventually would come out.

When we were alone she didnt mind that i was quiet, but when it came time to be with her friends she would yell, laugh and run around, whereas i just couldnt join in because of how depressed i feel inside. In the end she said she loves me but that we are very different, we pretty much broke up but the fact that she will always love me for who i am gives me hope that one day we will get married, even though i am the most fragile insecure person she will ever meet.

Thats always how I figured any relationship would turn out with me. If on the off chance that I find somebody I truely like, and they truely like me. I just wouldn't be capeable of being a good boyfriend.