Has Anyone Met Someone Who Understands the Real You?

I have wondered about this for a long time. In my lifetime, I've met few people who I really "connected" to on a deep level. I have few but very loyal and close friends who understand my weirdness. They enjoy it, in fact, because they know I'm naturally quirky and can only be myself when I'm not "faking" it for others.

I have yet to meet someone who I have romantic interest in who understands me in this way. Has anyone here had that opportunity?

I would love to meet such a person because it would open up a whole new area of experience for me. I don't know if I'll ever have it, though. I've accepted that I may not (especially as I grow older).

I have made the decision to be completely open and honest about my AvPD. I am not going to try to "hide" any longer. It isn't worth it. It causes me to expend too much energy and focuses too closely on me when I should be focusing on the other person.

If it freaks out the person, it will not be the first time. It is a weight lifted, though, to know that what I am has a name (even if I don't care for labels too much). I have a source of reference that will help someone to figure me out without being scared of me.

Has anyone here had the opportunity to be completely emotionally naked with someone? That's a weird way of putting it, but that's what I want to experience. Even if it's not romantic, I'll be okay with it because I rarely make those connections with anyone.

Thanks for reading.

I don't know... With my girlfriend I can completely be my funny, crazy self without holding back, and at times I let loose the full extent of my anger towards her like I can't do with anyone else except my mom. I've told her personal things about myself that I haven't told anyone, as she has with me, but she still says she feels like she doesn't know the real me. Honestly I feel like she's looking for something that's not there, like there isn't really anything to know about me. Really I'm just a blank outline of a person with nothing there to "get." She knows about my shyness and self esteem problems, and relates as best she can (she has her own problems with stuff like that) but I guess no one but a true AvPD can completely understand the inability to open up to other people and the isolation and self hatred and everything that comes with it. Her and a lot of people I've met say they "used to be shy" until they got over it, but for me being told I can get over my shyness is like telling an anorexic to just eat a damn sandwich already.

I don't think it's necessary to inform love interest about your AvPD. Not to devalue your situation ('cause I'm the same) but a lot of people out there are equally (or more) psychologically challenged as well as AvPDs. Everyone out there has some bit of insecurity with themselves and most people are aware of this.

I think what you're looking for is a way to escape any possible criticism that your love interest (or future friends) would later discover in your relationship. So, if one day she finds that your confidence is lacking or that in general your personality isn't as fulfilling to her desires as she remembered it from the beginning, she can think back and recall that you're suffering from AvPD, and, if things work out the way you planned it to, she will forgive you. This is just my interpretation but I think I have a pretty good understanding considering I've had similar thoughts in the past.

My explanation here is related to my post when I responded to this thread:(http://psychforums.com/viewtopic.php?t=22837&start=10)

Maybe one. She's gone. Nobody cares. Life is tough.

No. I haven't me anybody who understands me. Even after trying to tell a couple of people, their failure to provide the support I seek just shows me that they don't understand.

Yes, I fortunately have.

My boyfriend and I both met over a chat channel and have AvPD, by coincidence. Fortunately, we've each become the one person the other can really open up to and expose themselves too. It has been a learning process and is sometimes hard and I have attempted to push him away when I'm depressed before, but we know everything about each other. That really hasn't been too hard since both of us are almost exactly the same. It makes trusting each other a lot easier, since we know the other will understand and probably has the same doubts. The AvPD is so much easier to deal with when you have at least one person you can trust and rely on unconditionally and some therapy. It would be wonderful if everyone here could find that.

Tujjen wrote:Yes, I fortunately have.

My boyfriend and I both met over a chat channel and have AvPD, by coincidence. Fortunately, we've each become the one person the other can really open up to and expose themselves too. It has been a learning process and is sometimes hard and I have attempted to push him away when I'm depressed before, but we know everything about each other. That really hasn't been too hard since both of us are almost exactly the same. It makes trusting each other a lot easier, since we know the other will understand and probably has the same doubts. The AvPD is so much easier to deal with when you have at least one person you can trust and rely on unconditionally and some therapy. It would be wonderful if everyone here could find that.

I really wish I could find that. If I had one wish (apart from wishing for world peace ) then I would wish for that.

I told my girlfriend about AvPD today. I feel like I've told her a lot about myself and my condition before, but I never actually told her that what I (am almost sure I) have has a name. It's not like I was keeping it a secret, I just never really considered it that important because I've never actually been diagnosed with anything before. We were on the subject of psychologists and I just randomly decided to "come out of the closet" to her, so to speak. It's funny how much just telling her that helped us open up to each other. I think people like labels to put on our and other people's problems. Having a label to cling onto helped me through high school, reminding me that if I have a real problem with a name, it's because there are others out there like me. When I told my girlfriend the name of my problem, it's like everything about me all of a sudden made sense to her, like she'd just figured me out. She was really interested in finding out more and kept asking me questions about it. It was weird but it felt really liberating, like I was really getting somewhere with her. Unfortunately we were busy delivering pizzas at the time (she delivers and I'm her "co-pilot") and we had to look for houses and our conversation got cut off, and when we had more time to talk later she was tired and not in such a talkative mood. But I still feel like I made a huge step forward today!

hannnnaa wrote:I told my girlfriend about AvPD today. . . . But I still feel like I made a huge step forward today! :)

I'm glad someone has had a good experience telling someone else. I have read other people's posts where they felt shunned or betrayed after telling someone. My experience has been in between. The two people I told still have some social contact with me and as far as I can tell haven't done anything to hurt my relationships with anyone else, but they don't offer to talk to me about my problem; they are uncomfortable when I bring it up (so I don't now); and they not only do nothing on their own to help me, but they decline my suggestions of what I think would help.

So be careful who you tell, how much you tell, and what you expect.

I desperately long and desire to be understood, be in deep companionship and partnership but there has been too much turmoil in my life, I feel it is not worth sharing it with people and dragging them into my boring and gloomy realm. I have a tendedncy to fall into my depressed and moody temperament most days and I rarely can escape it even with caring people trying to cheer me up. I just push them away. That is basically my nature. I'm too scared to try to bloom a relationship because I cannot no expect it to deteriorate. I've failed relentlessly and I can't keep up anymore. People come and go in my life but I know all I've got is my family.